


See You on the Shore

by missfalcon51



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Blow Jobs, Crying, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, High School, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Queen - Freeform, Shower Sex, Smut, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 09:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 60,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22848283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missfalcon51/pseuds/missfalcon51
Summary: Even the closest of friends keep things from each other. Big things.Here’s the story of four high school boys who are just trying to figure shit out.
Relationships: Brian May & Roger Taylor, David Bowie/Freddie Mercury, Freddie Mercury & Original Female Character(s), John Deacon/Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor (Queen)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 51
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter kind of sets the scene, so please just bear with it! It gets more exciting, I promise. The boys are all 16, but kind of look more like they did in 1974? Well, that’s just how I visualised it (:
> 
> I’ll update once a day, AT LEAST!! :D

Freddie knocked his alarm off of his bedside table all together. He really wasn’t in the mood to go to school today.  
He opened his eyes to see his guitar lying on top of him surrounded by bits of paper — He must’ve fallen asleep while playing last night.

He stumbled into the bathroom while pulling his trousers on. He enjoyed not having to wear a school uniform like he had to in boarding school. Feltham High School had been quite a nice change, although he had trouble avoiding the judgemental stares at what he chose to wear.  
Oh well, he only had one year left there before he could go off to college.

— — —

“Roger? Please hurry up, you’re going to miss your bus.”

“Coming”

Roger quickly put his plate into the sink before grabbing his school bag and rushing out of the door, waving goodbye to his mum on the way.

He speed-walked down the road to the bus stop, long hair blowing into his face in the cold, winter wind.

“Roger!”

The blonde boy turned around to see his friend Brian running after him. He looked quite funny, wearing a long, multi-coloured scarf that just made his long limbs look even longer than usual.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Roger chuckled, continuing to walk towards the bus stop as his tall friend caught up.

“My new scarf! You like it?” Brian grinned, flipping one end of the scarf behind him.

“It looks hideous but you made a good call, it’s really chilly out today.”

“Why aren’t you wearing a coat?”

“I forgot!”

“You can wear my scarf if you-“

“Fuck off!”

The two boys reached the bus stop together, laughing as they waited for the school bus they hoped they hadn’t missed.

— — — 

John was often in school early. He had his GCSEs coming up, but he really didn’t need to study, he was incredibly bright.

He just sat there in the library, reading a textbook out of interest. There weren’t many people in school at this hour, and so he took advantage of the quiet room. Just the sound of a few students talking quietly among themselves and the occasional page turn made the mood peaceful and warm.

His bus got into school a lot earlier than most of his friends, so he had time to kill.

He did feel quite alone at that moment, his mate Roger would join him most days. In fact, he would be there in the library long before John was. 

John didn’t like to pry, but when he asked Roger why he was in even earlier than himself, he got the gist that the blonde boy didn’t like being at home some days.

John didn’t know what that meant, and it wasn’t any of his business, to be perfectly honest.

Roger wasn’t there that morning, and John had gone though all the possibilities of his friend being run over by a car or kidnapped, but had come to the verdict that he just got a later bus. His mind did that sometimes.

— — —

“Hi John”

Freddie walked into the library and spotted John straight away. He was hunched over a book, long hair hanging around his face. It looked quite funny, because Freddie couldn’t see his face. but from a different perspective — if one was beneath him, looking up — it would look like a halo.

Freddie and John were pretty close and enjoyed spending time together, even if they just sat in silence, busy with other things, but happy in each other’s company.

John noticed Freddie, looking up and smiling warmly.  
“Hey Freddie.” He said quietly, trying to keep the volume down for the students wanting to study. He patted the seat next to him which Freddie then sat in.

The way Freddie entered a room was quite spectacular. Much too spectacular for Feltham High School’s dingy library. It may have been the way he dressed, a bright silk jacket and white bell-bottoms, or maybe it was just the presence he brought with him everywhere. Big and loud, and so enchanting.

John admired him. He admired his confidence and charisma, but John also knew a different Freddie. He knew Freddie when he first moved to England at 14. He knew a shy boy who wanted to fit in, much like himself. 

John wouldn’t describe himself as shy, and neither would Freddie, he was just reserved for those he wanted to bless with his presence.

Freddie sat down, an excited twinkle in his eye.

He got John’s attention, leaning in a bit closer to speak.

“I’ve heard The Beatles are playing at the Lido next week!” Freddie grinned, looking hopefully at John.

“Ugh, Freddie!” John rolled his eyes, “We’re not hauling our asses all the way to bloody Wales!”

Freddie sighed dramatically, “Oh come on John! It was so much fun last time we saw them!”

John giggled, lowering his voice, “That was when we ran away on a school trip to Hamburg! I don’t know about you but my parents still haven’t forgiven me!”

Freddie chuckled, “Worth it though, wasn’t it?”

John couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah, that _was_ brilliant.”

Freddie lifted his hand for a high five, which John gave into.  
Their fingers intertwined for a split second, before their hands fell back onto their respective sides of the table.

They couldn’t do that here.

They had been dating for a while, but absolutely nobody knew. Not even Brian and Roger. 

John was the only one who fully understood Freddie, and vice versa, they made sense to each other.

Brian, being the smart boy he was, had his suspicions, but felt as if it was nobody’s business. He didn’t mind, but he respected their choice to keep it quiet — Their lives would be hell if anyone in their school found out.

Brian did, however, want to let them know that he supported them without making it too obvious. He kept trying to give subtle little hints here and there.

That’s why he chose to wear that ridiculous rainbow scarf that day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of domestic violence (not too much but still)
> 
> This chapter is a bit heavy towards the end, and the next one probably will be too. Read safely!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hear me out: I wrote this whole thing before I started publishing it, so there is 20 chapters. As I progress through the story, I can tell you that I get better at writing. I know it seems a little all over the place to begin with, but (if I do say so myself) it’s actually pretty good as I learn more and more as I go.

If Brian learned one thing throughout high school, it was to never sit next to Roger during Geography. 

“Bri!” Roger hissed, trying not to be heard in the silent classroom. Everyone was trying to work, including Brian. So Brian ignored him, continuing with his work.

“Bri!”

“What?!” Brian whispered back.

“What did you get for question 3?”

“It’s Antarctica, Roger! It literally says so on the map!”

“I’m sorry...”

Brian tutted, going back to his work once again.

It was a few minutes later that he felt something poking at his hair, he lifted his hand up to find a paper ball shoved into his curls.

“What the-?”

He unscrewed it to find a drawing of a snail.

Brian looked over at Roger, who was giggling silently.

“Roger, stop it! I’m trying to work”

“Sorry”

Most of their classmates were just finishing their work, and so the quiet drum of chatter was returning to the room. Brian looked over at the teacher, who he was pretty sure was asleep. At least he hoped she was asleep.

Brian was feeling agitated. He drank a bit too much coffee that morning, and now he felt quite irritable.  
Safe to say, Roger wasn’t helping.

“Hey Brian” Said Roger, at a normal volume now that everyone was chatting anyway.

“What, Roger? What is it?” Brian said curtly, pressing his lips together. He was losing patience.

“What’s the answer to-“

Brian threw his pencil down a little to aggressively, making the blonde man flinch. “Work it out yourself, Rog!”

The younger boy stared at him with wide eyes, completely frozen, before hunching over his textbook, completely silent. His long hair hung over his face, hiding his expression. It was a look he’d only seen once before on Roger, and that was when he’d come into school a few months ago covered in bruises.

Brian felt a pang of guilt. He really didn’t want to upset Roger, even though he was being a bit irritating.

“Rog... hey I’m sorry, I’m really tired and-“

Roger sat up, mustering a smile, “No it’s okay. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, I was being a dick. I’ll always be willing to help you when you need it.”

Roger giggled, “You just called yourself a dick, thanks for eventually speaking some sense.”

Brian gasped in mock-offence, “Rog! You little-“

Just then, the bell went. Roger wasted no time in packing his stuff away super fast and standing up, rucksack on, waiting for Brian.

“Come on! We have to go meet Freddie and John.”

“Coming, coming.”

— — —

Freddie was waiting at the door of John’s classroom 5 minutes before the bell even went.

“How do you do that?” John asked as he left the room to see Freddie waiting.

“Skill, my dear” Freddie grinned, making John giggle.

They walked down the busy corridor to find Roger practically dragging poor Brian along towards them. Freddie noticed a scarf that Brian was wearing, and almost laughed. It looked ridiculous, but he managed to pull it off quite nicely.

“There they are!” Chimed Roger, pulling Brian with even more force.

The two pairs joined in the middle of the corridor, and didn’t have much time to exchange pleasantries before they had to move, or they’d get knocked over by the force of the students going this way and that.

“To the library?”

“Sure”

The four boys sat behind one of the lesser-visited bookshelves like they usually did at this time of day. Nobody could hear what they were saying, nobody could see what they were doing, and nobody could smell what Roger was eating.

“Roger! Put that away for gods sakes!”

“What? Leave me and my sandwich alone!”

“What even is in that?”

“Ham...”

“And how old is it?”

“I don’t... know...”

Brian rolled his eyes, as Roger threw the sandwich into a nearby bin.

“Just ‘cause _you’re_ a vegetarian-“ Roger mumbled, but Freddie interrupted him before Brian could.

“Roger, Brian doesn’t have a problem with you eating meat, that’s your decision, it’s just the fact that that sandwich is at least 2 weeks out of date!”

“Thank you!” Brian sighed dramatically, extending a grateful hand to Freddie. 

Brian and Roger were sat opposite Freddie and John, all in a pile of coats and bags. It proved to be quite cozy.

Roger cleared his throat, “Uh John, sorry I wasn’t in the library this morning, I got the later bus with Brian.”

John smiled simply, “I don’t mind at all Roger, Freddie kept me company.”

Freddie smiled, “I did.”

— — —

The rest of the day was no different to any other. When the bell finally went for the end of the day, Roger waited outside Brian’s classroom so that they could walk to the bus stop together.

“Let’s go, Bri.”

Roger was already hurrying his friend out of his classroom and down the corridor towards the back gate. Brian just managed to throw his scarf around his neck before they were out in the cold air. 

“Jesus, it’s nippy out here.” Roger shivered.

“I told you you should have brought a coat!”

“I’ll remember tomorrow., s’fine.”

“Freddie told us to meet by the gate.”

Freddie ran up behind Roger, ruffling his hair, “I’m here!”

John appeared shortly after, joining the four boys on the short walk to the bus stop.

It was only down the road from the school, but it was busy with all the students just wanting to get home.

Brian and Roger got on one bus, Freddie got another, and John’s house was within walking distance to the school, so he set off on his own.

Just before John turned to go, Freddie went over to him, leaving Brian and Roger to their own devices.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Freddie asked, ever so subtly brushing his fingers against John’s.

“Of course” He replied, smiling warmly at Freddie before turning and walking down the road towards his house.

“Freddie?”

Cathy stood smiling next to him. She was one of Freddie’s childhood friends who also went to Feltham High. They lived on the same road, so she was nice company for the bus ride.  
They weren’t as close as they used to be when they were kids, but she was still a nice girl.

“Hello there dear!” Freddie smiled, he really could use some company right now.

“You know, I think the bus may have been cancelled.” She grimaced, “It should be here by now.”

Freddie sighed, “Let’s wait for 5 more minutes, and if it’s not here by then, we’ll walk.”

Cathy nodded, seeming to agree with the idea. She tucked a lock of pale blonde hair behind her ear, playing with the rings on her fingers as she told Freddie about the new song she’d heard, and couldn’t name.

She had almost a similar style sense to Freddie, although she was much more influenced by hippie-fashion.

The bus did eventually come, and the pair sat together the whole time, chatting about music, fashion, and everything in between. Cathy was undoubtedly good company, but Freddie wouldn’t necessarily make the decision to hang out with her over his other friends. She did sometimes get a bit too talkative.

“Nice talking to you, Cathy,” Freddie waved as he parted ways with her outside his house, “I’ll catch you tomorrow.”

Although he probably wouldn’t.

— — —

“I’m home, mum” John called as he entered his house, putting his keys back into his pocket.

John’s mother appeared from the living room with a bright smile. She immediately enveloped her son in her arms.

“Hello, love.”

It had been decided between the other boys within the group that John had the most affectionate family — John wasn’t too sure how to feel about that, though it was probably true, nobody’s family was perfect.

John giggled as his sister came in to join their hug, greeting him with as much enthusiasm as his mother.

“We missed you.”

“I missed you too. Do you need any help with dinner?”

“No no, I’ll be fine, you go and relax.”

John did exactly that. He went up to his room and began quietly strumming on his acoustic guitar, mumbling the lyrics to some of his favourite songs that he had learned to play. 

His dad used to be the one who taught him all the different chords and how to play, he was the only person with the patience and skill to teach him. So for the first few months after he died, John didn’t touch his guitar or any instrument at all.

Naturally, Brian took him under his wing a little while later, as he was very skilled at the guitar. John didn’t think Brian knew quite how much he appreciated that.

John didn’t particularly like his singing voice, so he chose to use other instruments instead.  
Freddie could sing. He could sing very well, in fact, he and John liked to have jamming sessions every now and then when they went around to each other’s houses.

At least that’s what they did when their parents were home.

John set his guitar aside and began doing his homework.   
Chemistry, easy.  
The long-haired boy tossed each sheet aside when he’d finished with it. The whole process didn’t take long, it never did. 

As I said, he was very bright, but John never felt as though there was anyone there to congratulate him on his academic achievements properly. 

Sure, his mum and sister would tell him he was clever, but they didn’t really get it. 

Not like his dad did.

— — —

Brian did get lonely. Very lonely.

He sat at the table with his family, listening to a conversation that they were having. It didn’t really involve him, but it wasn’t like he had anyone else there to entertain him.

“...And then she refused to pay! How awful is that?” Brian’s mother finished recounting some drama she had witnessed at the grocery store, which Brian was only half-listening to. His mind was elsewhere.

“Mm yeah that’s terrible mum” Brian replied politely, just wanting to finish his meal and go to his room.

Brian’s dad changed the subject, “Anyway, Brian, I suppose we need to re-string your guitar soon?”

Brian smiled, sitting up. He felt happy now that he was being talked to about a topic he liked. 

“Yeah, I think so. I’ve had these strings on for a while now and their getting a little worn out.” He replied.

“Poor things” His dad said with a slight chuckle.

Brian had made the guitar with his dad a couple of years ago when he was 14. It definitely brought them closer, and Brian liked to see the proud expression on his dad’s face whenever he played for him.

Brian had brought his guitar round to John’s house when he first made it, as he was very proud of his creation.  
John had marvelled at the shiny red wood, the long neck, and the beautiful fret markers with an awe-struck expression on his face.

That was when John informed him with a wistful look on his face that he had planned to make a guitar with _his_ dad a few months before he died.

That positively broke Brian’s heart.

That was when he decided to give John guitar lessons.

— — —

Roger sat upstairs in his sister’s room. His parents probably didn’t even know he was home, he had just walked straight through the front door and up the stairs once he had heard his parents arguing in the lounge. It was fine when just his mum and sister were home, but he just couldn’t do all that right now.

“Clare?” Roger got his sister’s attention. She looked up from her magazine, her expression unreadable.

“Yes?”

“Um... do you want me to go out and get dinner? I’ll bring it back here.”

At this rate it didn’t look like they were going to get any food unless one of them went out.

“Let’s wait for another hour or so, and then you can go.” She replied, moving herself off of the floor to sit next to him on the bed just as a loud crash sounded from downstairs, making them both flinch.

“It’ll be fine” Roger mumbled, putting an arm around her, although he wasn’t exactly sure who he was reassuring.

Roger did end up having to leave the house to get food, it wasn’t like they were getting it any other way. He was scared to leave his mum and sister alone with their dad, even though there wasn’t really anything he could do to protect them now. 

He tried not to think about it as he quietly slipped out to go to the chippy down the road. He knew better than to get involved by now. He knew a lot of things now after years of pain — emotional and physical.

The house was silent when he got in, and he instantly made for the stairs, until Clare called to him from the lounge.

“Rog? We’re in here.”

Roger cautiously walked in, only to find his mum and sister sitting at the table. His father was nowhere to be seen.

“Hello Roger, dear” His mum smiled, though it dint quite reach her eyes, “How was school?”

“Oh I’ve-“ Roger thought carefully for a moment, before deciding to play along and just pretend he’d only just got back from school. She wouldn’t know any different, anyway.

“Yeah, I picked up food on the way back.”

“Oh brilliant!” His mum smiled, “I didn’t have time to cook!”

He knew she didn’t.

— — —

Freddie lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He should have been asleep hours ago, but he couldn’t sleep and he was _bored_.  
He wanted something fun to do that wouldn’t wake the rest of his family.

He quietly sat up on his bed and began plucking the strings of his guitar. Everyone seemed to have one, these days.

He didn’t even manage to get half way through ‘Love Me Do’ before there was a sharp knocking at the door.

“Farrokh! Put that bloody thing down and go to sleep!”

Ugh. This sucked.


	3. Chapter 3

Brian slammed his hand down onto his alarm, and a slight smile crept onto his face as he thought.

_Friday_

He pulled himself out of bed, and got washed and dressed. He made a point of putting a light jacket on under his coat just in case Roger did happen to forget his own one again.

He went downstairs to have breakfast with his parents, it wasn’t as lonely for him as it was last night, he was probably just overthinking it.

He would still have liked to have someone his own age with him then. Maybe he should invite someone over later.

— — —

Roger was always awake a lot earlier than everyone else. He knew why, it was kind of a survival instinct his body had adopted. He sometimes had to get out of the house before anyone was even awake — Thank God the school library was open from 6AM.

Roger was sat at the breakfast table with his mum and sister. His mum had cooked properly for the three of them, and Roger was feeling quite happy. 

The mood was happy and warm as they sat around the small table, laughing and talking amongst themselves.

 _’This is how it was supposed to be.’_ He thought. 

Then a key turned in the front door.

And the cycle begins again. 

Roger’s father appeared in the hallway, a bunch of flowers in his hand.

“Hello,” He announced gently, “Look- I’m sorry.”

If Roger got a quid for every time his dad had said that after doing horrible things, then he would have enough money to buy a house and move far, far away.

Roger’s mum had already gone over to him, taking the flowers and pulling him into a hug.

“It’s okay.” She said, making Roger want to cry,

Clare and Roger exchanged a look from across the table, this was never-ending.

Their father came over to the table, sitting down and looking at them both.

He addressed Clare first, “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to lose control last night.” He said softly. “You know I love you both very much.”

Clare nodded, going to give him a hug. Roger just looked down at his cereal, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“Roger?” His entire family were looking at his expectantly, and the blonde boy had no choice at all other than to go and join the hug, mentally kicking himself for giving in. _Again. ___

__“I love you, Rog” His father said, holding him close, “You know that.”_ _

__Every muscle in Roger’s body was tense._ _

__But yes, he knew._ _

__— — —_ _

__John was a morning person, unlike anyone else in the group. I suppose Roger could wake up early and not be _too_ tired, but that certainly didn’t mean he was a morning person._ _

__John liked starting his day. He was very efficient, and was already downstairs with his sister, Julie, within an hour of rolling out of bed. He has brushed his hair to perfection, and was wearing a shirt and stripy jumper. Freddie had commented before that it looked lovely on him._ _

__“Is mum still asleep? Or did she go out?” He asked, whilst making sandwiches._ _

__“She’s gone to the grocery shop.” She replied. His mum was also quite a morning person._ _

__John nodded, getting his shoes and coat on, and calling a goodbye before setting off down the road to school._ _

__— — —_ _

__John walked into the library to see Roger already sat at their regular table, looking tired and miserable._ _

__“Rog?” John spoke cautiously, “I’m here.”_ _

__Roger looked up with his big blue eyes before quickly wiping his his face on his sleeve and smiling._ _

__“Hey John!” He grinned brightly._ _

__When John sat down, Roger scooted his chair closer to him, practically making their personal spaces one of the same thing._ _

__“...You okay Rog?” Asked John, not minding what his friend was doing, but was slight worried at this sudden display of almost-affection. Roger was not an affectionate person._ _

__“Yeah just... I’m happy to see you, mate.” Roger replied, suddenly feeling silly._ _

__But it was true, he really was happy to see him. He never shared much with John, or anyone at all for that matter. He just liked to keep it to himself, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t relish in other’s company and affections.  
It had meant the world to him when Brian had given him his scarf yesterday to keep him warm — He thrived off of the smallest things that he didn’t get at home._ _

__The two boys chatted for a while, not really about anything in particular. John was very funny, and very good at making Roger laugh, so much so that they were almost kicked out a few times for making too much noise._ _

__About an hour later, the door opened and in strode Freddie, tiptoeing up behind an unsuspecting John and squeezed his shoulders, making him jump. He wanted to surprise him by throwing his arms around his neck, hugging him, but he couldn’t that. Not here._ _

__Roger was just as sunny as ever, thought Freddie. He seemed to radiate such a chaotic yet sweet energy that Freddie adored. It was if that boy was never sad.  
Yes, he could be grumpy, but that was normal, he was mostly a little ray of sunshine.  
That was often what Roger said about himself; _”What do you mean annoying? I’m a ray of fucking sunshine!”_  
Funny boy._ _

__Shortly before the bell went, Brian came in, dragging his feet a bit but putting on a smile for his friends, who all seemed to be in a good mood._ _

___’Ugh,’_ Thought Brian, _‘Why am I the only one who ever seems to be down?’__ _

__— — —_ _

__PE. Every one of the boys hated PE, but at least they all had that class together._ _

__They all scuttled over to the changing rooms, mentally preparing for the freezing cold. John hated the PE uniform they had to wear; It was _short._ (Naturally, Freddie loved seeing it on him.)_ _

__The liked to stick next to each other in the locker room. John was changing while practically hiding behind Freddie, Freddie was stripping for all to see without a care, Brian was just trying to get changed without having any kind of social contact because it made him uncomfortable, and Roger had gone off to the toilets to change so nobody could see him._ _

__“Honestly dear, why does Roger always get changed in the loos by himself? Nobody cares if he strips right in front of us!”_ _

__John chuckled, “Why are you so eager to see Roger changing, hm?”_ _

__Freddie gasped dramatically, “I didn’t mean it like _that!_ I just mean... he shouldn’t be so self-conscious or whatever!”_ _

__Brian shrugged, “I don’t know, he’s always been like that.”_ _

__Roger re-appeared shortly after, fully changed. He had made the genius move of remembering to bring a jumper that he could wear, keeping him warm while the rest of the buys froze._ _

__“Right, lets go.” He smiled, shooing the rest of the complaining boys out into the cold._ _

__Thank goodness there was a change of plan, and the PE class was moved into the sports hall because it was raining._ _

__It was normal athletics, which wasn’t to overbearing for period 3 on a Friday. They were told to pair up, and John and Freddie claimed each other firmly before anyone could get a word in._ _

__Brian turned to Roger._ _

__“Well hello there, partner.” He smiled playfully._ _

__Roger rolled his eyes, “That sounds so gay, Bri, stop it.”_ _

__Brian internally grimaced, he knew Roger was joking, but he wouldn’t accept even the tiniest bit of homophobia from any of his friends, especially when they were right next to Freddie and John._ _

__“Rog,” He said quietly and almost warningly, “Do I need to get the pride scarf out of my bag?”_ _

__“...You have it with you?” Roger looked a bit spooked._ _

__“I always have it with me, just to keep homophobic pricks warm.”_ _

__Roger rolled his eyes, “I’m not homophobic, I didn’t mean it like that.”_ _

__“I know you didn’t,” Brian smiled, a cheeky glint in his eye, “Now give me a hug.”_ _

__Roger rolled his eyes, “No! Fuck off!”_ _

__Freddie sat in the corner with John, leaning against the wall, watching Brian chase Roger around the room, trying to catch hum in his arms._ _

__“What in God’s name are they doing?” Laughed John, nudging Freddie._ _

__“Oh they’re totally fucking, darling.” Smirked Freddie nonchalantly, inspecting his nails._ _

__— — —_ _

__Lunch was an interesting affair. Roger kept throwing grapes at Freddie, who just threw blueberries back. It was all fun and games until one got stuck in Brian’s hair and he couldn’t get it out. Freddie and Roger thought it was hilarious, but Brian was not so amused._ _

__“Freddie! It’s literally mushed into my scalp!” Whined Brian. John stood behind him, trying to separate the blueberry from his thick curls. “I’m going to have to wash it now!”_ _

__Luckily, John managed to pick out the offending berry, and threw it back at Freddie, who squealed as if it was a poisonous animal._ _

__The whole situation attracted quite a bit of attention, and soon, they had been joined by about four other people._ _

__Cathy came over with her friend, Jane, followed by Brian’s friend David, and Richie, who was dickhead but kinda funny._ _

__David spotted a bit of blueberry that had remained in Brian’s hair, and he and John worked on getting it out._ _

__Freddie, Cathy and Jane giggled amongst themselves like a bunch of schoolgirls (which 2/3 of them were), while Roger and Richie tried to find more fruits to aim at their mate’s head._ _

__“Roger, I can hear you, give my hair a break!”, Brian huffed, before wincing, “Ow! David, stop pulling!”_ _

__“I’m trying to help!” David retorted, “Your hair is like a fucking bush!”_ _

__John couldn’t help but laugh at that. David was one to talk; his hair was combed to perfection in rather interesting styles every day, and he would go nuts if anyone touched it._ _

__Roger accidentally looked over at Jane; Things had been a bit awkward between them as they had broken up about six moths prior, but she just laughed, covering her pretty auburn hair with her hands as she saw Roger aim a bit of kiwi in her direction._ _

__Richie seemed to have an infinite food supply in his bag, which the two of them made use of, targeting poor Brian, who was just trying to keep control of the situation, and David, who was now throwing the food back._ _

__— — —_ _

__Freddie sat alone in biology. John was sat a few seats away from him, but they had been separated for talking so many times that they couldn’t communicate without the fear of probably getting caned._ _

__Freddie got eye contact with his boyfriend for a moment, before pulling a loose bit of paper out of his exercise book and scribbling a note to John._ _

___’Come over later?’_ _ _

__He passed it to the person sitting next to him, asking them to pass it to a John, and (miraculously, actually,) it got to him, unopened._ _

__Freddie watched as John unfolded the note, and he swear he saw him bite his lip as he read it. He turned to Freddie with excitement in his eyes, before nodding enthusiastically._ _

___Oh._ _ _

___So that’s what they were going to be doing tonight._ _ _

__— — —_ _

__Roger noticed that Freddie and John walked slightly in front of them on the way to the bus stop, talking amongst themselves and giggling._ _

__“What’s the joke?” Asked Brian, getting their attention._ _

__“Oh nothing,” Freddie waved his band dismissively, “John is coming back to mine later, were just talking about that.”_ _

__Brian nodded, giggling internally, entirely to himself. His suspicions were pretty much confirmed by that little nudge Freddie gave John after he spoke. The whole thing went right over Roger’s head, but Brian noticed every detail._ _

__Still, he didn’t mention it._ _

__They reached the bus stop in no time, and suddenly saw that Brian and Roger’s bus was already waiting._ _

__Freddie and John waved goodbye to their friends as their bus left, and stood waiting for the bus that they hoped might come today._ _

__Surely enough, it did, and the two boys sat right at the back of the bus, every so cautiously joining their hands together under a coat that was cleverly placed between them both._ _

__If it was a normal bus going nowhere, they wouldn’t have been so paranoid, but this was a bus filled with kids from their, school, going right back to Freddie’s parents house._ _

__Except tonight, his parents were out, along with his sister._ _

__John had called his mum earlier that day using the public telephone at the front desk. He had told her that he was going round to Freddie’s to study, and may not be back until late._ _

__Freddie wanted him to stay the night, and John did too, but Freddie’s parents you’ll be coming back at some point, and probably wouldn’t be too pleased to find their son and his friend cuddled up in bed together. Freddie shuddered at the mere thought of them finding out._ _

__The boys giggled quietly to themselves, quite happy in their own little world. The sky was darkening, so only the bright lights inside the bus illuminated their faces.  
There weren’t many students left on the bus, and the ones that were left weren’t paying attention to anyone but themselves, so Freddie took a chance and briefly put his head on John’s shoulder and let the bus rock them back and forth._ _

__— — —_ _

__Roger didn’t want to go home._ _

__Brian didn’t want to go home._ _

__Neither of them said anything._ _

__Roger sat on the bus next to Brian, though he was facing away from him, staring out of the window watching the little droplets of rain trickle down the glass. The sky was growing darker outside and he felt as though he was in an emotional romance movie._ _

__Brian’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts._ _

__“You alright, Rog?”_ _

__Roger took a deep breath, nodding. He was fine._ _

__Brian didn’t know what to say, so he opted for what he wanted._ _

__“You want to come over? It’s... raining and my house is closer.”_ _

__Roger smiled faintly. He wanted to, but he didn’t know if he should, there were so many reasons why he really-_ _

__Screw it, it was Friday._ _

__“Yeah, sure.” He replied, liking the way Brian’s face lit up at his answer._ _

__The boys got off the bus, running through the notably heavy rain, sacrificingBrian’s coat as a soft-of umbrella. They Burt through the door of Brian’s house, laughing and wringing out their soaked hair and clothes. The rain sounded muffled against the closed door. It was cozy._ _

__“Hi mum, dad,” Brian called, “I’ve brought Roger with me.”_ _

__“Hello boys” A woman’s voice called from the living room, followed by the page turn of a newspaper._ _

__Brian looked at their soaked outfits._ _

__“Come upstairs, you can borrow some of my clothes, if you like.” He said, walking up the staircase._ _

__Roger followed, humming in agreement. It wasn’t as if he had much choice, but he was quite happy to oblige nonetheless._ _

__Brian let Roger help himself to his clothes. Brian got changed in his room while Roger did his thing of going off into the bathroom. Brian knew not to take it personally, but it still confused him just slightly._ _

__Roger always over shared within the group, wether it be telling them all about the great wank he’d had the night before, or what colour underwear he was wearing, he never seemed to feel shame._ _

__Yet nobody in the group had even so much as seen him shirtless._ _

__— — —_ _

__Freddie grabbed John by the hand, running the literal 5 steps from the bus to his house. Fuck it if anyone saw. The rain hammered down as they ran through the puddles of water in the uneven pavement — not particularly caring if their feet got wet, giggling all the way._ _

__He slammed the front door behind them both, doing the sensible thing and quickly double checking if anyone was home, though he was dying to just get his hands on John._ _

__“Hello?” He called._ _

__Silence._ _

__A smile crept across Freddie’s face, before he turned around swiftly and caught John’s lips in a passionate kiss. _God_ he’d waited too bloody long to do that. All those times in school when he’d seen the boy-girl couples walk around the building hand in hand, kissing every now and then. Freddie had ached to do that with John, right in front of everyone where he could show him off._ _

__But it wasn’t like that._ _

__One of Freddie’s hands snaked around to find John’s arse and gave it playful squeeze, making the younger man gasp and giggle into the kiss._ _

__“Baby, baby” Freddie mumbled, caressing John’s face in his hand. Yes, they may have been young, but Freddie knew that this was what love was like._ _

__John adored the way Freddie kissed him, vulnerable yet passionate. Neither of the boys were great fans of tongue, so they mutually kept that to a minimum._ _

__It was typical high-schooler lip-locking. It was perfect._ _

__Freddie caught John by surprise when he lifted him up by the waist, wrapping his giggling boyfriend’s legs around his waist before carrying him up the stairs, trying to to fall over._ _

__“Freddie! What are you doing?” John squealed, laughing into Freddie’s hair._ _

__Freddie chuckled, just trying not to drop him. This was perfect. John was perfect._ _

__They unceremoniously toppled onto Freddie’s bed, fully making out now. Freddie pulled off John’s shirt, holding his lover’s warm body in his arms, kissing along his shoulder and every bit of exposed skin he could find, while John made little gasps that just encouraged Freddie._ _

__They were almost hiding in the dim room. The calm, dim, evening light seeped in from the window lit the two lovers. Nobody could see them but each other._ _

__This was good. This was really good._ _

__—- —- —-_ _

__“Hi” Mumbled Roger, appearing back in Brian’s room, wearing a grey T-shirt and black jogging bottoms that were far too long for him._ _

__“Hello again” Brian smiled, sitting down on the bed and picking up his guitar. Roger seemed almost shy to be seen, holding his arms across his chest in a small stance as he went over to join him. He sat cross-legged, watching the taller boy intently._ _

__“Play me something.” He said quietly._ _

__Brian was just about to laugh it off as a joke, but seeing the way Roger looked at him eagerly, almost imploringly, made him think. The sky had darkened further since they came upstairs, so only a soft glow of dim light came through the window, making themselves hardly visible._ _

__Brian reached over and turned on the bedside lamp, flooding the small area of the room with golden light._ _

__“...Okay then,” Brian said quietly, positioning his fingers on the fretboard. He took a deep breath and began playing some random song he’d been writing.  
A small smile crept across Roger’s face, damp hair hanging limply just below his shoulders, sitting hunched and small with his legs crossed._ _

__Roger liked the way his friend’s fingers danced across the strings with such skill, he couldn’t help but sit there and smile — He thought he must’ve looked crazy._ _

__Brian thought he looked adorable, watching him in such an idolising way. He flashed him a grin as he finished the song. It wasn’t much, just a melody he’d been working on, but Roger seemed to enjoy it._ _

__There was silence as he stopped playing, no sound at all but the muffled rain hitting the window and breathing. Brian set his guitar down and looked over to Roger, who, to his surprise, was smiling from ear to ear._ _

__That was the first proper smile he’d seen from Roger all day, and it was contagious as ever._ _

__“That was beautiful,” Roger breathed. His voice cut through the silence like a warm blade, quiet and calm, but refreshingly clear._ _

__Brian didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to make noise, the silence was so _nice._ So he just nodded, the same smile still lingering on his lips._ _

__It was lovely._ _

__Suddenly, footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and knocking on the bedroom door, (which Roger had closed, Brian realised) the sound cut through the silence sharply and harsh._ _

__“Can I come in?” Called Brian’s mum._ _

__Why was Brian disappointed?_ _

__He’d just liked the calmness of sitting with Roger, that was all._ _

__“Um... yeah...”_ _

__She walked in and looked between the two of them, seeming a little confused about what she’s just walked in on._ _

__“I’m... going to cook dinner now and I was wondering if a Roger was staying or not?” She asked, smiling a little awkwardly._ _

__“Oh no, no, I need to get home, actually.” Replied Roger, “Bri, I’ll drop your clothes round at some point.”_ _

__Brian had kind of wanted him to stay. It was fine, they were just hanging out. They did that all the time._ _

__...So why did he feel so empty as he watched the smaller man leave in the rain, still wearing _his clothes?_ _ _

__If only he’d known Roger was thinking exactly the same._ _

__— — —_ _

__“That was amazing.” Sighed John, tucking his head into Freddie’s shoulder as they lay on the bed._ _

__Freddie let out a small laugh, kissing the top of John’s head, “It certainly was.”_ _

__They wanted to stay like that forever. The sky was black now and the once heavy rain was a mere trickle. Freddie pulled a blanket over their bare bodies so they didn’t freeze to death, and John closed his eyes, opting for a short nap before he had to leave._ _

__He didn’t want to leave._ _

__Freddie held him close, running his fingers through the younger man’s hair, silently whispering about how much he loved him. They may have only been sixteen, but this was how Freddie saw his life always. He didn’t want it any other way._ _

__He’d noticed that John had fallen asleep, and it broke his heart. He’d have to wake him up soon or his parents would come home to a surprise._ _

___Just five more minutes..._ _ _

__Freddie allowed himself to drift off, it wouldn’t be for long._ _

__***_ _

__Freddie embraced his boyfriend one last time so they stood by the front door. John had to leave, and neither of them were good at goodbyes. It was a mess._ _

__“I’ll see you on Monday... or Sunday?” Giggled John as Freddie littered his face with kisses._ _

__“Why not tomorrow?”_ _

__“I’m busy”_ _

__“Ugh”_ _

__John tried to detach himself, but Freddie wasn’t having it._ _

__“No, I won’t let you go!” He teased, tickling the younger boy._ _

__“Goodbye, Freddie” John said, finally breaking free and kissing Freddie on the nose._ _

__Freddie held onto the doorframe, watching as his lover disappeared into the night._ _


	4. Chapter 4

Roger did a very strange thing that Saturday morning — He slept in.

It wasn’t exactly a choice, as he couldn’t sleep at all the night before and was very tired. A million thoughts were spinning around his head the night before, preventing him from getting a moment of sleep.

He fell out of bed, listening at the top of the stairs for a moment.

Silence.

That was good.

Roger, despite being quite a loud person sometimes, really loved peace and quiet. Silence often meant good things for him, so he welcomed it every time.

He went downstairs to find his mum and sister watching TV together.

“Hey Rog” Clare called, smiling at him from the sofa across the room, “You actually slept in?”

His mum laughed, “Goodness Roger, it isn’t like you to sleep in!” 

Roger sat down with them, “I know, It’s a miracle.”

Sleeping in was really nice, he wished he could do it more often.

His father wasn’t home, so Roger opted to stay with his family today.

— — —

Brian picked up the phone. He wanted to see one of his friends as he had nothing else to do.

He thought about calling Roger, but thought against it. He’d seen him yesterday, he couldn’t be annoying.

“Freddie?”

“Brian? Hello dear. Are you alright?”

“Yeah I was wondering if we could meet?” 

“Of course! My house is free.”

“Alright I’ll be there in a bit.”

Brian caught the bus to Freddie’s. It wasn’t a long ride, and he was walking up Freddie’s road in no time.

“Bri!” Freddie flung open the door, pulling his friend into a hug, “Gosh I’m glad you’re here! I was lonely!”

Brian nodded. He had been lonely too.

“Where are your parents Fred?” Brian asked, taking his shoes off and stepping inside.

Freddie looked pensive for a moment, “they left this morning, probably should have asked where they were off to, really!”

They went up to Freddie’s room to listen to his records. They sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, chatting. The conversation was innocent, really, but then Brian got curious. He a,ways did, he was only human.

“Did you have a nice time with John yesterday?” Brian dropped in.

For a moment, Freddie looked completely caught off-guard, stuttering over his words.  
“Um... yes, yes we did... I did, we.... talked.”

He wanted to tell Brian all about the amazing night he’d had. He wished that he had a friend to boast to about all his brilliant experiences, but he couldn’t.

Brian raised his eyebrows ever so slightly. How did Freddie not know how obvious it was to him that he and John were dating? He wanted Freddie to know he supported them so badly, but he didn’t know if they wanted him to know. It was all a mess — Simply due to lack of communication. Huh, Brian was one to talk.

“Roger came over to mine” Brian blurted out, afraid of awkward silences.

Freddie smiled cheekily, “Oh he did, did he? And what did _you_ two do exactly?”

Brian didn’t know why he went as red as a tomato. They hadn’t done anything! Now he just looked super suspicious. “Nothing!” Oh god, he looked even more suspicious now.

Freddie let out a little gasp, absolute delight written all over his face. “Brian! Wait- You fucked?!”

Brian’s eyes went wide, just wanting to die. “No Freddie! _No!_ What in God’s name gave you that idea?” 

Freddie nodded slowly, “Hm. Sorry... you just seemed as though you... had something going on, the way you went all red when I mentioned Roger. I-I don’t know...” He waved his hand, dismissing the thought.

Brian took a deep breath. Had he _wanted_ Freddie to think that? Who knew.

Why couldn’t anybody communicate? It was all such a mess.

Roger couldn’t talk about his problems at home, Brian enjoyed Roger’s company a little too much, Freddie was desperate to tell everyone about his relationship with John, and John was just trying to keep it all together.

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the vinyl on the record player reach the end of its side, the needle crackled as it spun round and round. Such silence.  
Brian’s head was not silent. There were millions of thoughts wanting to come out, but he just couldn’t. 

Or maybe he could...

“What if we were?” Brian’s voice cut through the silence, clear and distilled. 

Freddie looked caught off-guard once again, mulling over the thought for a moment before giving his reply, his voice was confident and sure

“I wouldn’t give a damn, Brian. I’d still love you, you’re my best friend.”

It took all of Brian’s willpower not to just burst into tears right there and then, and the way Freddie smiled at him in such a lovely way certainly wasn’t helping. No matter what happened, he’d always have Freddie.

Before he could stop himself, Brian turned to Freddie, voice slightly wobbly with emotion as he spoke.

“I do too, Fred, you know that, right?”

Freddie smiled with what Brian read as relief, not giving any sign of speaking, so Brian continued.

“I-I know about you and John. It’s okay, I... love it.”

Freddie looked surprised for a moment, not talking. But then he threw all hopes of dignity to the wind and bust into tears. Happy tears.

Brian followed suit.

“Oh Bri-“ He wailed, pulling his taller friend into a grateful embrace, smiling and laughing through his tears, “You’re the best.”

Brian held into him tightly, closing his eyes. “You’re so amazing, Fred. I admire you, we all do.”

“Oh stop it, darling.”

They broke apart, looking at each other for a moment, before erupting into hilarious, snotty laughs once they saw the state of their tear-stained faces.

“But seriously,” Freddie said between giggles, “Are you and Rog a thing?”

“No!” Laughed Brian, “We’re seriously not!”

“Oh well that’s too bad then, isn’t it?” Replied Freddie, “It would be perfect!”

Brian gave him a playful whack on the arm, “Yes but there’s one tiny problem. Roger is straight, and so am I!”

“Ugh!” Freddie threw just head back dramatically, “So frustrating!”

Brian burst into a new round of giggles. 

Freddie was good company.

— — —

John had gone to the shops to get some milk. It was kind of hard to walk because his ass hurt, but he couldn’t exactly tell his mum that when she asked him to go out.

He smiled to himself as he shuffled around the store, picking up various groceries his family may need. He pondered over the bananas for a minute, before finding a bunch that weren’t quite ripe yet, so they were quite firm, but they were _big._

Freddie came to mind instantly.

Gosh, John must’ve looked so strange, staring at the bananas in such a way while blushing. He put them in the basket and hurried over to the checkout.

— — — 

Roger was happy. He had spent most of the day lounging around the house with his mum and sister, playing scrabble, making lunch, and watching movies.

It wasn’t _too_ cold outside, so roger would have liked to go out, but he also wanted to stay with his family, as they were having quite a nice day. A rare occurrence, really.

“What do you want for tea, kids?” Their mum asked, Reading a magazine on the sofa.

“Don’t mind” Clare responded, Roger agreed. 

They eventually decided on getting a takeaway, which they ate in the lounge, playing another round of scrabble.

Roger didn’t even dare to ask where his father was. Probably out drinking somewhere — he didn’t really want to be there when he came back.

— — —

Brian had no intentions of leaving Freddie’s house any time soon. They sat downstairs on the big leather sofa in Freddie’s living room with cups of tea. It seemed as though those two boys had bonded more over that one conversation than they ever had after years of school together.

They were both feeling very excitable and full of energy, telling stories with equal enthusiasm.

“Darling!” Freddie turned to Brian, eyes wide, “Now I can _finally_ tell someone about my night with John!”

Brian clapped his hands together in such an incredibly camp way that it made Freddie laugh. 

“Spill!”

“Okay so-“ Freddie began, lowering his voice ever so slightly, but grinning knowingly at Brian’s apprehensive smile.

Goodness, how Freddie loved having someone to share this stuff with, even if it was a bit personal, Brian didn’t seem to mind.

Freddie told his friend all about the _shenanigans_ that he and John got up to last night, and Brian listened intently. Was it wrong that he was so interested? No, he was probably just... curious?

These things Freddie was telling him about sounded somewhat fun.

He pushed that thought away, but it kept coming back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: If any of you get triggered by domestic violence, please don’t read! It’d quite a big thing in this chapter. Stay safe, you lovely beans!

The weekend went by quickly. John groaned as he realised it was Sunday already, he’d be back to school tomorrow.

Oh well, at least he’d get to see Freddie.

He was sat alone in his room when he noticed something under his bed, so he pulled it out.  
It was a big piece of paper, which he unfolded curiously, spreading it out on the floor.

His heart sank.

The plans he’d made with his dad to build a guitar like Brian did.   
It had been five years since John’s dad died, and he didn’t really talk about it much, but there wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t think of him.

_Shit._

He started holding back tears that threatened to spill, but then, after realising how alone he actually was, he allowed them to fall.

— — —

Roger crept across the landing. He had been up since 6:00AM, fully dressed.  
Muffled shouts could be heard downstairs, drowning out the soft patter of rain outside.

“DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT”

“Stop it! For gods sake stop it-“

_CRASH_

Roger squeezed his eyes shut, he hated all of this so much. He just wanted to leave and never come back.

God how he hated leaving his mum alone like that, knowing full well how his father was treating her. He had wanted to go downstairs and fight for her so many times, but he never succeeded, and they both just got hurt even more.

‘Please Roger,’ She had said so many times when he was little, crouching in a corner, looking at him pleadingly with a tear stained face, ‘Don’t interfere, I’m fine I promise.’

The most empty promise Roger had ever heard.

More tears stung at Roger’s eyes even now, lingering at the top of the stairs, not sure what to do. 

Before he could think about it, he had began marching down the stairs boldly, years of forgotten anger bubbling up to the surface inside of him. He was going to end this nightmare that he, his mum, and his sister were all living. He had to.

He flung open the lounge door, being met with the surprised faces of his parents got a moment. His mother’s expression soon melted into fear, as his father’s twisted into rage.

“And what the bloody hell do you think you’re doing? This is none of your business.” He said, his voice horribly calm. Roger knew that tone. It was like the eye of the storm, calm before the worst fear you’d ever experience.

Roger willed himself to stop quivering, taking a step forward.

“It is my business, it’s very much my business.” Roger returned through clenched teeth, spitting out the last word.

“Roger...” His mum looked at him from where she was stood feebly in a corner, “Please don’t...”

He blanked her out, staring his father down. Rage boiled in both of their eyes, terrifying Roger to the core, but he didn’t let it show.

“HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE ME LIKE THIS, UNDER _MY_ ROOF!” His father bellowed, getting right in Roger’s face, towering over him. 

Roger pressed his lips tightly together, tears bristling in his eyes. He wouldn’t show fear, he couldn’t.

Just as the blonde boy opened his mouth to snap back, his father delivered a sharp slap right to the side of his face. It stung. He’d had worse, but not for a long time.

Roger gingerly lifted a hand to his cheek, touching the burning skin there. Shit.

“Get. The fuck. Out” His father mumbled through gritted teeth, giving him a firm shove in the direction of the door.

Roger turned his back, not running back up the stairs but out of the front door, in only jeans and a t-shirt. The rain hit his skin, cooling the burning patch on his face. He let a few tears fall down his face, before quickly wiping them away.

Nobody could see him cry, not a soul. Ever. Nobody knew about the things that went on at home, not even Brian.

_Brian._

He wanted Brian.

He didn’t know where he was running to, but that didn’t matter. Just anywhere away from here.

— — —

“Is this Freddie?”

“Yes Mrs Deacon, hello, I was wondering if I could talk to your son?”

“Of course, I’ll pass you over now.” She said sweetly, before yelling up the stairs in such a motherly way that it made Freddie chuckle.

“JOHN? FREDDIE’S ON THE PHONE.”

There were slightly sluggish footsteps before the voice on the phone changed.

“Hi Freddie” 

Freddie knew that tone, something was up.

“Hey John, what’s wrong dear?” He said softly, playing with a strand of his hair while holding the phone close to his ear.

There was a moments silence. All Freddie hard was the sound of his own family talking in the living room, and John sniffling slightly.

“C-can you come over?” He said quietly.

“Hold on dear, I’m on my way.”

Freddie put the phone down, pulling his shoes and coat on. He called to his parents, telling them he was off, before speed-walking to the bus stop.

God, John felt so embarrassed. He really didn’t deserve Freddie.

— — —

Brian was sat in the kitchen drinking coffee when the landline rang. It was a new addition to the house, and so he answered it before his parents could. It made him feel... grown up.

“Hello? May household.”

He heard his dad snort from behind his newspaper.

“Hey Bri.” He heard a sigh from the other end of the line.

Roger.

Rain could be heard loudly from Roger’s end of the line. Where in Gods name was he?

“Where are you Rog? Are you okay?” Brian said, concern could be heard in his voice.

“I-“ Roger swallowed, his voice quiet and cracking. “Can I come over?”

Brian has heard that tone before.

“Of course you can, Rog, it’s going to be alright, okay?” Brian felt very worried now. He didn’t quite know what he was reassuring Roger about — Or himself.

The line cut off. He just wanted to get Roger over as soon as he could. He needed to know he was okay. 

Brian set the phone down, looking noticeably gaunt.

“...You alright, love?” His mum appeared next to him, placing a hand on his arm.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah everything’s fine.” He forced a smile, “Roger just... forgot about a pretty big school project. He needs my help.”

“Aren’t you a good friend?” She beamed, collecting the empty mugs from the side and putting them in the sink.

Brian hoped he was.

The next few minutes, Brian sat by the window, staring out into the grey, rainy sky. He just wanted Roger there with him where he could be safe and warm. 

As his eyes wondered out onto the misty pavement, he saw something.

 _’Holy SHIT. Is that Roger?’_

A miserable looking boy in just a t-shirt and trousers held his arms close to his chest, stumbling through the freezing rain. 

Brian wasted no time in grabbing a blanket from the sofa, running into the hallway and flinging open the door, where he was met with a ghostly version of his friend.

Roger looked even worse up close. His eyes were red and puffy, and he had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Brian really had some questions to ask, but not now.

“Jesus, Roger! You’re as cold as ice!” The taller man wrapped the blanket around his shivering friend, impulsively pulling him into his arms — To keep him warm, of course.  
He shut the door, pulling Roger further inside.

“I’m so... s-sorry Bri...” Roger whispered.

“No, no. I won’t have any of that. Let’s go upstairs, okay?”

Roger nodded feebly, allowing his friend to help him up the stairs.

Brian had disappeared up the stairs, mumbling little words of encouragement as he helped Roger. 

“Why is that Roger boy always... wet?” Brian’s dad muttered from the living room.

— — —

“John?” Freddie knocked on his boyfriend’s bedroom door. His mum had let him in, grateful that he may be able to console her son — She wasn’t able to get a word out of him herself.

The door opened, and a little face appeared.

“I-I’m so sorry Freddie...” He mumbled, letting the older man enter the room. He was dressed in a big, baggy jumper, which he used to hide his face, “I’m just having a bad day...”

“Nonsense!” Said Freddie, closing the door and pulling John into his arms. He cradled his body against his own, kissing his head. “Come here.”

He manoeuvred them both do that they were on the floor, backs leaning against the door. John leaned into his side, inhaling his scent and sighing deeply.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Freddie cooed, lifting John’s chin to look at him. They had had days like this in the past, and it never got any easier.

John took a deep breath.

“I found this under my bed, and I kind of... spiralled.”

John reached across Freddie to grab a piece of paper, that Freddie took in his own hands and read.

“Oh John...”

He knew what that was. It was the plans for a guitar he was going to build with his dad, but months before he died.

“It’s silly...” John mumbled, looking down at the floor.

“No, it’s not darling. Don’t say that.”

Freddie kissed his nose affectionately, “Don’t cry, sweetie, it’s alright, I’m here.”

John tucked himself further into Freddie’s arms, just wanting to stay like that for years and years. He felt so safe. Everything would be okay.

— — —

Brian went into a slight panic, like a mother hen trying to tend to her young.   
He sat Roger down on the bed and covered him with about three more blankets, smoothing his hair out of his face. When his hand touched Roger’s cheek, he winced slightly, making Brian panic even more. 

He took a deep breath, calming himself before turning on the bedside lamp and sitting down next to his friend. Close.

“Let me see that?” He said softly, gently turning Roger’s face towards the light, inspecting his cheek. It took all of his willpower not to gasp — It was bright red and swelling slightly. Roger looked at the floor, avoiding eye contact like wildfire.

Quiet.

Brian placed his hand on Roger’s back, rubbing smooth circles, trying to achieve some sign of presence from him. The blonde boy looked very small. His shoulders were hunched, frame timid.

“Please talk to me Rog...”

Brian could deal with it when Roger was shouting and screaming at him.   
He couldn’t deal with this. The horrible silence.

The silence in the room was ear-splitting, but Brian waited for Roger to speak, even if it took him years.

Roger eventually cleared his throat, sighing.

“There’s... a lot you don’t know.” He muttered.

Well, that certainly didn’t help with Brian’s terrified state. Still, he tried to remain composed.

“Tell me?” Brian prompted, scooting even closer to Roger. He didn’t flinch, which the older man took as an invitation to wrap his arm completely around him.

Roger had still been facing the ground, staring down at his hands, but then he turned his head to look at Brian. 

Their faces were about three inches away from one another.

Brian saw everything in the blonde’s eyes when he was that close up. He couldn’t help but note how beautiful he was, behind the fear and sadness that filled his face.

“You haven’t been to my house-“ Roger began, his tone almost a wry laugh.

“I... I haven’t, no.”

“Good reason for that.” Roger said, anger slightly apparent in his tone, making Brian tense up, “My dad is a fucking twat. He makes our lives a misery. Remember when I came into school covered in bruises?” His voice was becoming more and more angry and loud with every word, though it was shaking, “That was him. Just because I tried to protect my mum.”

He paused for a moment, calming himself down, turning his face back to Brian with a apologetic glance. Brian’s face was filled with horror that he didn’t even try to mask — He looked as though he could cry.

“Sorry I... I didn’t mean to shout. I-I sometimes don’t know where to put the anger, I guess.” Roger mumbled.

Roger was slightly surprised as Brian reached out to rest his hand on top of Roger’s, looking at him intensely.

His voice was wobbly yet trying to remain calm, and failing miserably.

“Roger, I had... I had no idea...”

“Don’t cry Brian, please don’t.” Roger tried to re-assure him. Perhaps he had said too much. 

“D-did he do t-that?” Mumbled Brian, looking at the mark on Roger’s face.

The silence said it all.

“Oh _God-“_

Roger didn’t know what to do. He wanted to assure Brian that he was fine, that he was okay, but that was exactly what his mum had done, and it didn’t help anyone.

“You know you can always come over here, yeah?” Brian whispered.

Roger nodded, his face still inches away from that of his friend. He could have sworn that the distance had reduced even further, just slightly.

“Thank you Bri. Really.”

Brian smiled, just looking at Roger for a moment, before he suddenly stood up, leaving Roger on the bed, a little shocked.

“Do you want to use my mum’s hairdryer?” He asked, gesturing to Roger’s soaked locks.

Roger nodded, mumbling a ‘thank you’ before stumbling out of the room to wherever he assumed the hairdryer was.

Brian went after him, pointing at his mum’s vanity desk in the other room.

“How do you use this thing?” Roger peered at the hairdryer in confusion, picking it up and holding it at arms length.

“Never seen a hairdryer?” Brian smirked, taking it off of him and unplugging it from the wall.

Roger looked even more puzzled, “Are you _meant_ to unplug it? Is that how it works?”

Brian couldn’t hold back a laugh, “No, silly! I’m unplugging it so we can take it back to my room.”

“Oh- okay.”

They both plodded back down the hall to Brian’s room, where Roger took back his position on the bed. He didn’t close the door, out of pure fear of it being awkward.

But when Brian came in after him, he did close the door. Roger could’ve sworn he’d seen his hand hover over the key in the lock for a moment, before deciding against it.

A single rumble of thunder was heard outside. It was small. Shy, almost.

***

As it turned out, Roger had no clue how to use a hairdryer.

He ended up sat on the floor in between Brian’s legs, while the curly-haired man perched on the bed, drying his hair for him.

Roger smiled at the delightful warmth coupled with long fingers running all over his scalp — It was heavenly. His hair was no longer wet, and blew softly all around his face.

Brian liked taking care of his friends, but just wanted to keep Roger here, safe, for all of eternity. He didn’t know why, but figured it was probably because he was the mum-friend of the group.

He loved the way Roger seemed so happy to let him touch him, that he trusted him.

Well, not completely. Roger didn’t really trust anyone.

— — —

“Can you stay the night?” John murmured to Freddie, lying next to him on the floor and tracing patterns on his chest.

“I- I don’t know, I _want_ to, but... would your mum mind?”

“Would _your_ mum mind?” John returned.

“Uh... probably?”

John flashed him a little grin, “Then my mum will be fine with it!”

Freddie chuckled. It had been a while since he’d properly spent a night in John’s arms, and it was a bloody amazing feeling that he had missed.

John looked up at the plain ceiling, breaking the moment of silence with a rather unexpected question.

“Roger’s been off, don’t you think?”

Freddie pondered on it for a beat, “I don’t know, he’s sometimes a bit grouchy but that’s just... Roger, really.”

John hummed thoughtfully, “I’m probably just overthinking everything as usual.” He giggled.

“You’re the worlds best over thinker, darling!” Freddie laughed, propping himself up on his elbows, “Remember that time you thought I was trying to break up with you because I missed the bus and forgot to tell you I’d be late to school?”

John giggled, burying his face in Freddie’s side in embarrassment.

It was truly amazing having someone who loved you this much.

Freddie wished they were both older. He would buy his own place somewhere and have John live with him. He certainly planned to do that in a few years time — They’d do things their own way.

Freddie had planned to stay the night, but ended up leaving at around 7pm in pure terror of his parents getting suspicious — John understood.

“I’m home” He announcer loudly, putting his keys on the side and closing the door behind him. He was glad to be in his warm house after walking through the chilly streets of Feltham.

“Hi Fred” His sister, Kash, called from the top of the stairs, soon followed by his mum and dad from the living room. He could have sworn they hadn’t moved since he left. But then again, he had just spent 5 or so hours lying on John’s bedroom floor with him.

Just as he was going up the stairs, the phone rang _again._  
It couldn’t be John, he wasn’t like that.

Freddie picked it up before anyone else could get to it.

“Hello?”

He was greeted with a girl’s voice on the other end.

“Hey Freddie”

“Oh Cathy! How are you?”

Freddie had to admit that he was quite pleased to be talking to her, what with John being in a bit of a mood and all.

“Sorry to call so late, but I was wondering if you were getting the later bus in tomorrow? It would be nice to walk with you.”

Cathy would usually get driven to school in the mornings by her mum, but she obviously wanted someone to join her on the bus tomorrow.

Freddie _was_ going to get the early bus and meet John in the library that day, but he didn’t want Cathy to have to go in on her own, and she was quite nice company.

“Of course, dear. I’ll see you there.”

“Thanks Fred” She said sweetly, hanging up the phone.

Freddie smiled, he couldn’t wait to tell her about the new poster he wanted for his room — She probably had the same one, considering their similarities.

He regretted losing that childhood bond they had when they started high school, but it was never too late to rebuild it.

— — —

Brian wanted to ask Roger something, but he really didn’t know how to phrase it.

They sat opposite on the bed. Brian was reading from a textbook and Roger was doodling on some paper. They were both absent-mindedly nibbling at the food Brian’s mum had kindly brought upstairs for them.

Brian didn’t even ask if Roger was going home that night, the answer was pretty obvious — He couldn’t.

Brian peered over the top of his book, watching Roger lost in his own thoughts, munching quietly.  
He looked lovely, like that, all peaceful and comfortable, bathed in the soft light of the bedside lamp beside him.

Roger looked up, and Brian foolishly hid behind his book again.

“You alright there?” Laughed Roger, leaning forward and playfully pushing the book down, exposing Brian’s blushing face.

“Oh... sorry. I just, um-“

He knew he had to ask Roger something important, and the blonde man looked at him in confusion, waiting for him to speak.

“I’d like for you to... trust me. I feel like you don’t trust many people.”

That was true, but Roger didn’t miss a beat in answering.

“I do trust you.”

He looked at Brian with a confident look on his face. “I really do.”

Wow. That made Brian feel a lot more emotional than he’d expected — But he refused to cry again in front of Roger.

“...That really means a lot, Roggie.” He smiled.

_Roggie._

Roger liked that. 

Brian pulled himself together, continuing with his question, “So I was just wondering why you do that... thing?”

Roger peered at him with a perplexed look, smirking slightly.

“What _thing?”_

“Whenever we have PE or whatnot, you... None of us have ever-“ Brian sighed, trying not to sound strange in his words.  
He eventually spat it out, though it sounded very odd.  
“Why do you get changed in the loo? Like — In PE, a-and the other night...” 

Roger’s smile fell, and he looked at his hands, tensing up. Brian panicked, and tried to continue.

“Because... because if your self conscious, let me tell you that you’re beautiful-“ Brian blurted out before he even had time to think how that _sounded._

Roger snorted slightly, shaking his head.

“No, it’s just...” 

Now Roger was the one struggling for words. Brian watched him patiently as he twiddled his thumbs nervously. The taller man didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but he really did want to know.

Suddenly, Roger stopped trying to explain. Silence filled the room before he did something slight unexpected.

He slowly pulled his t-shirt off over his head, and Brian watched. He dropped it down on the floor and looked at Brian with raised eyebrows.

_”Roger, oh my god...”_

Nasty bruises and marks, both old and new. A considerable amount littered across his chest and back, making Brian shiver.

The older ones weren’t so noticeable, but Brian still saw why Roger would want to cover himself — The judgemental stares of other teenagers at school.

“Roger, I-“ Brian choked on the tears he had promised not to spill, “I didn’t know it was this bad...”

Roger said nothing, turning his attention back to his hands.

“I hate living with these... scars,” Mumbled Roger, “It’s like I can never get away.”

Brian was frozen stiff, just watching Roger, who was as stiff as a board.

The blonde man bit his lip, tears filling his own eyes. “Especially when I know that some of them... will only fade...” He whispered, “They’ll be there forever.”  
He pointed to a mark on his shoulder that seemed to have only faded, not disappeared. 

Brian didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to comfort him, he had no idea, and he hated that. He felt awful for Roger, who had to have this constant reminder of the hell he was living.

The curly haired man took a deep breath, putting on a brave face and composing himself. He had to comfort Roger now, make him feel better; he could wallow in his own miseries later.

Roger’s head shot up as Brian extended a hand and let it rest on the younger boy’s shoulder, moving a little closer to him on the bed.

Skin.

“What are you doing?” Mumbled Roger, looking at Brian with the light drained from his eyes, “Why aren’t you disgusted?”

That broke Brian’s heart even further. 

“I’m disgusted that someone could ever do this to you Rog, not with you. I could never be disgusted with you.”

Roger relaxed, scooting closer to Brian, who’s hand wrapped further around him.

That felt nice.

They sat like that for a moment, just happy in each other’s company. Roger felt broken, tired, but also so _relieved_ that he’d found someone that he could talk to — that he could trust.

Roger was cold without a shirt, but he didn’t want to move from this... whatever it was. He started shaking a bit, annoyed at himself for doing so as Brian moved.

The taller man moved away, instead, lying down on his bed with his head on the pillow behind Roger.

Roger missed the contact for a moment, before Brian spoke, surprising Roger, and maybe even himself.

“Lie with me”

Roger wordlessly lay down next to Brian. There was a respectable gap between their bodies of a few inches or so. Brian pulled up a blanket from the end of the bed and covered his friend with it, keeping him warm.

Then he lay back down. Both boys just stared at the ceiling, not entirely sure where this was going, or what was even going on.

Perhaps they shouldn’t hang out as much, it messed with their heads.

No.

“You’re brilliant, you know that Rog?” Brian’s voice cut through the silence.

“What?”

“You’re kind, funny, clever-“

“What are you doing, you nutter?” Asked Roger with a slight giggle.

“I’m trying to make you feel better!” Defended Brian, also unable to suppress a little laugh, “By telling you how awesome you are!”

Roger raised an eyebrow playfully, eliciting another laugh from the both of them.

“Just being in the same room as you makes me feel better” Said Roger, before cringing, “Sorry, that was soppy...”

Brian grinned, “No it wasn’t. It was cute!”

Roger rolled his eyes, “I’m not _cute._ Fuck off.”

“You’re right,” Replied Brian, “You’re strong. So strong.”

Another smile crept across Roger’s lips, blushing slightly.

“Thank you.”

It was a lovely moment, Roger thought, but it was cut short by the fact that he was still freezing his balls off.

“You okay?” Brian asked, turning his head to Roger who had begun to shake again, looking a bit annoyed.

“Cold.” He muttered.

“I’m not surprised, you’re half naked!” Brian giggled, although he didn’t make the obvious suggestion for Roger to put his T-shirt back on. Instead, he pulled the bedsheets over himself and Roger, “Better?”

It was warm. And safe. Roger really liked it, especially because Brian was right there with him.

Was this gay?

No. They were still about 2 inches apart.

Brian felt happy. There was something about having a vulnerable Roger in his bed that made him feel protective. Roger mentally cursed when he persisted to quiver. 

Brian was fairly warm, and so he decided to donate some heat — As any guy would do for his friend.

It was around about now that Brian prayed nobody would come in.

Roger’s eyes widened in shock as Brian pulled off his own shirt.

Roger completely tensed up with surprise as Brian pressed his body against his own, enveloping him in his warmth, his arms holding tightly on to the smaller man.

Brian almost felt a sizzling sensation as he felt Roger warm up, and soon relaxed into his embrace. Brian was kind of worried about making Roger feel uncomfortable, so he decided to check.

“Is this okay?” He mumbled, only then noticing how close his face was to Roger’s; blonde hair was tickling his nose.

He wasn’t quite prepared for when Roger turned his face to his, noses almost touching.

“Yes.” He whispered.

It wasn’t only okay, it was unreal. The feeling of skin-on-skin felt _amazing,_ and Roger couldn’t help but just stare at Brian’s face. He was perfect. Every bit of him.

They were warm, they were in their own little world.

It was only then, looking at Roger’s beautiful face, memorising every slope, bump, and curve of it.

It was only then, watching the way his lips were slightly parted, and his soft hair spread out everywhere it could reach. The way Roger looked at him with such trust in his eyes that Brian felt as though they could do anything together.

It was only then that Brian could admit to himself that he had feelings for Roger.

And thank god he did.

“Do you trust me?” Whispered Roger, his eyes halfway closed, repeating Brian’s question from earlier.

“With my life.” Brian whispered back. He meant it.

Brian’s heart was beating so loud and fast as Roger very slowly leaned closer.   
He brushed his lips against Brian’s _ever_ so lightly, just lingering. They remained as such for a moment — lips just touching.

Brian wrapped his arms further around the smaller man, pulling him closer and pressing their lips firmly together. They kissed softly, slowly, lips moving together shyly, but in a way that showed that this had been long awaited.

Now _this_ was kinda gay.

The sensation of their embrace mixed with soft lips gently moving together was literally Roger’s idea of heaven. He just forgot everything for a moment, and focused on how warm and secure he was.

They eventually broke apart slowly, and Roger immediately buried his face in Brian’s shoulder, blushing now that the moment was over. He felt quite exposed and embarrassed, but the arms around him grounded him.

Brian froze for a moment, completely baffled by the entire situation, but still holding Roger safe in his arms.

Did they actually just—

Wow.

Okay.

Brian took a moment to process it, but soon came back down to earth, kissing the top of the blonde’s head.

Roger giggled into Brian’s shoulder, “That was so...” 

Brian laughed, “I think that rainbow scarf if getting to me”

Roger laughed loudly before looking up with wide eyes, face once again very close to Brian’s — their lips were almost touching once more.

“But I loved it.” He whispered against the taller man’s lips.

He pressed their lips together again, just wanting that _feeling_ back.

Roger had kissed a few girls in his time, but that was nothing like kissing Brian — He knew Roger best, he knew what he was doing, despite being a bit inexperienced. 

But it was perfect.

They must’ve fallen asleep like that in each other’s warm embrace when they broke apart, because Brian woke up the next morning to an empty bed.

There was a note left on his pillow:

_Hey Bri,  
I’ve gone to my auntie’s house, I’ll probably be living there for a while.  
I’ll see you in school._

_Roggie x_

Brian smiled. Roggie. He obviously liked that nickname.

But the minute Brian sat up, the memories came flooding back. Oh my god, they had kissed, what was he going to do now?

It seemed a very strange thing to do now that it was daytime.

But Brian knew one thing, he just wanted to get to school and see Roger.

Yet, he found himself waiting at the bus stop alone.


	6. Chapter 6

“Hello!”

Freddie rushed up to Cathy at the bus stop, playfully prodding her to get her attention.

“Oh, hey!” She returned, flipping her long, blonde hair behind her shoulder. Freddie noted that she was wearing the most beautiful velvet bellbottoms he had ever seen.

“Where did you get your trousers?” He asked, gesturing, “they’re stunning!”

She laughed, “I made them myself! I’m sure they’d look great on you.”

Freddie’s jaw almost hit the floor, “You made these?”

She nodded, smoothing the material out on her leg, “I make a lot of things. You should come and see them all.”

“I’d love to” smiled Freddie, sitting next to her as they got on the bus that had just arrived.

Freddie often got an urge to tell everyone he met about John and how wonderful he was, but he never seemed to get that around Cathy, and it was nice, really. He didn’t feel like he was constantly lying.

Cathy rummaged around in her bag and found some pictures of clothes she had made. Her laudable efforts impressed Freddie very much.

“I get most of my inspiration from Pattie Boyd’s style, but also from things I see when I travel.” Cathy explained, pointing to a pretty dress with colourful circles on it.

Freddie nodded, enjoying looking at the lovely outfits, and the way Cathy’s face lit up when she talked about what enthused her.

“My dad got me a sewing machine last year, and I haven’t stopped.” She laughed. 

Such a sweet laugh.

She was the kind of friend Freddie needed right about now.

— — —

Brian sat in geography, staring blankly at the empty seat next to him. He hadn’t seen Roger all morning — he wasn’t at school.

Holy shit, he’d fucked up badly.

It was obvious that Roger had grown to regret the kiss, and hadn’t come to school because of it. And to think, Brian had been so ecstatic to see him, the feeling was one-sided.

This was exactly what he was afraid of.

— — — 

John didn’t see Freddie that morning either, until at break when they all went to meet in their regular spot in the library.

Brian sat down next to John, putting on his best smile as John wasn’t looking too happy either.

“You alright, Deaky?” 

“Yes just... had a tough weekend.”

Brian nodded. He didn’t tell John about his weekend with Roger, he didn’t dare.

Suddenly, Freddie came rampaging through the library, skidding to a halt next to a shocked Brian and John who were sat against the shelves.

“Hey!” He grinned, slightly out of breath. He sat down next to John, unceremoniously draping himself over the younger man, who looked a little uncomfortable as Brian was sitting right next to them. It wasn’t as if anyone else could see them behind all the shelves, but John didn’t know that Brian knew.

“Uh... hi Freddie” John laughed nervously, literally shrieking as Freddie tried to kiss him.

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?” John hissed, shoving Freddie away.

Freddie laughed, “Brian knows, darling, sorry I forgot to tell you.”

John did not look amused, and Brian just sat there awkwardly.

“Okay we’ll.... talk about it later.” He said quietly.

Freddie felt a bit dejected, but didn’t linger on it. He sat against the shelves with a sigh.

“Where the fuck is Rog?” He asked, looking around.

“I-I don’t know” Brian replied, almost defensively.

He was hoping that his nervous demeanour that crept in at the mention of Roger would go right over Freddie’s head. But, Freddie being Freddie, he caught on — although he didn’t challenge the guitarist about it right away.

“Maybe he just overslept” Mumbled Freddie, the atmosphere as awkward and low. None of them liked it one but.

“Speak of the devil” Announced John, peering forwards to see the door through the labyrinth of bookshelves. He spotted a blonde head bobbing towards them.

“I’m here.” Roger mumbled, sitting down next to Freddie. They were all sitting in a line, which was unusual. None of them could properly see each other, which may have been the goal. 

Roger was wearing a large, oversized jacket of all different colours, and his hair was tied loosely into a low ponytail, with bits of hair flying out all over the place that were too short to be bunched with the rest.   
It didn’t look like he was wearing his own clothes, Brian assumed they were his auntie’s as that’d where he decidedly slept the night before.

They all murmured hellos, but nobody really made eye contact — especially Brian and Roger.

The mood was so off, everyone had different reasons, nobody else knew those reasons. It was once again, a mess due to lack of communication.

They sat in a painful silence, something that hadn’t happened in a while. Freddie busied himself with filing his nails, and Roger looked down at his hands. Roger way always the one to break silences with the strangest of comments, but now he wasn’t, and only Brian knew why.

Freddie abruptly stood up, pulling at Brian’s elbow.

“Brian? Can you come over here, we need to talk for a moment.” He said, walking away.

That fucking psychic.

Brian followed his friend’s quick strides, leaving the other two behind. They ended up even deeper into the maze of bookshelves, where not a soul could head them.

Freddie turned to Brian. He didn’t look cross, but just very no-nonsense. He wanted the truth and he was going to get it.

“Brian,” He said quietly, “What’s going on?”

Brian sighed, “You tell me! John is obviously mad at you for telling me that you two were dating, you should be talking to him right now!”

Freddie pressed his lips together.

“That’s my problem that _I’m_ going to sort out. You need to tell me why Roger won’t even look at you.”

Brian wanted to cry. This was all so humiliating. Why did Freddie have to be so good at noticing details?

“Fred, I-“ Brian rubbed his face with his hands, avoiding eye contact.

“What?”

“I kissed Roger!” Brian blurted out.

A sneaky smile spread across Freddie’s face. “Oh yes!”

“No!” Brian hissed, “Not yes! Bad! He’s not talking to me, even though he seemed fine with it... He initiated it!” He his his face in his hands.

Freddie put his hand on Brian’s arm, not sure what to do. He just had to talk to Roger now.

“Think you for telling me.” Freddie said, “But I think you two need to talk.”

Brian shook his head in despair, “I can’t!” He groaned, “It won’t make it better.”

Freddie folded his arms, “You’d be surprised, Brian.”

And with that, the bell went and they all made their separate ways to class. 

This was going to be a long day.

— — —

Brian had chemistry next, a class that he didn’t share with John, Freddie, or Roger.  
He peered into the room, and found his friend David waving at him from the back bench. Brian noticed that he had dyed his hair bright red, and was all to keen to comment on it.

“David, what the hell have you don’t to your hair?” He tried to suppress a laugh. It looked different, but it did suit him.

“I don’t... really know...” David grimaced, running a hand through his hair, “It was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment thing last night. I did think about shaving my eyebrows of too, y’know.”

Brian had to admit he was glad his friend didn’t follow through with that whim.

David was good company, not to mention the fact that he was a bit of a romance expert. Well, not really an expert, but he was experienced. He’d dated boys, girls, — you name it. Although he didn’t go broadcasting that information around school, he had told Brian a thing or two as he knew he wouldn’t judge. Brian had been all too keen to ask questions.

Brian sat down and opened his exercise book. He felt a bit sick. He wasn’t sure if it was the whole situation or just that he ate something bad. Whatever it was, it showed.

“You alright, Brian?” David asked, noticing the pale expression on Brian’s face.

“Yes.” He said out of instinct, before thinking again.  
“Actually, no. I’m not okay at all.” He sighed, putting his head in the desk, “I did a stupid thing and I don’t even regret it.”

David looked a little taken aback at his outburst.

“What did you do?”

“I kissed... _someone,_ and now they won’t talk to me.” He could say that much, right?

David blinked, “Right... and I assume you still want to talk to this person?”

Brian nodded, “Yes, we were friends.”

“Funny,” David raised his eyebrows, smirking slightly, “You don’t have any female friends.”

Brian’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but David interrupted him.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. What matters is getting you talking to this person again.” He continued, “Find a way to talk to them, and tell them that you don’t want to have wrecked whatever friendship was there.”

Brian nodded. He had to admit that David was the source of all wisdom.

“...But what if they don’t want to talk to me?” He asked.

David slapped his hand down into the table in a way that made the people around them jump.  
“Then we bloody well force them to! Nobody ignores lovely Brian!”

Brian blushed, smiling at the ground.

“Thanks mate.”

— — —

Roger had next lesson with Freddie, and he really wasn’t about to go sit and get questioned by him, and so he opted to bunk and hide in the toilets. Classy.

He locked one of the stalls in the boy’s bathroom, sitting down and getting out some homework to do that should have been done weeks ago. He considered finding a cigarette from someone, he really needed to calm his nerves.

Ever since last night, Roger had been terrified. He left Brian’s because he was scared that the guitarist regretted what happened. 

Roger didn’t. He secretly wanted it to happen again and again and again.

But he couldn’t tell Brian that.

“Jesus...” Roger hid his face in his hands, not knowing how to even overcome this situation. He had nobody to turn to, and nobody to trust. It was a mess.

— — —

Shortly into period two, Brian began to feel very sick. He didn’t have any friends in this class, and so he just sat there on his own, wallowing in his own miserable headache.

The way everyone around him chatted among themselves, but Brian was all alone really got to him. More than usual. He felt as is he had no-one, and that really got to his head.

He was going to be sick.

“I- I have to go to the bathroom...” He said quickly as he rushed past his teacher and out of the door, followed by the questioning stares of his classmates.

He ran down the hall to the loos. He no longer felt physically sick, but his head was pulsing and he felt dizzy. This was all too much.

He fell through the door while everything spun, and gripped onto the sink looking into the mirror at his own ghostly reflection.

One of the doors unlocked behind him, but he ignored it. He couldn’t face the judgement of other high schoolers right now.

But then he felt a hand on his back.

He squeezed his eyes shut, relaxing slightly as the comforting hand calmed him. He was lucky to have kind strangers in this school.

“You okay Bri?”

Fuck.

He knew that voice.

He turned around just enough to see a blonde head and two very worried eyes staring back at him.

“Roger-“ He didn’t know what to say.

But he had to talk now.

“I felt sick” He said, “I’m fine now.”

Roger read him like a book, “You’re not fine, I can tell. What’s wrong?”

Brian sighed, all he could do was tell the truth. Roger watched him expectantly, looking tired and disheveled. Brian couldn’t mess him about.

“I- I was thinking about you. I’m worried.”

Roger looked surprised, even though he was kind of expecting that.

“What are you... worried about?”

“That I made a mistake, and... and I don’t even regret it. I’m sorry but I don’t.” Brian groaned, “I don’t regret it at all, even if you do.”

Roger felt a wave of emotion.  
“You think I _regret_ that?”

Brian looked up from his hands, staring at Roger. 

“You don’t?”

Roger laughed, “Fuck no! I just assumed that you would!”

Brian shook his head, “Oh my god, we really need to get better at communication! Jesus!”

Roger giggled, quickly checking to see that nobody was around before standing on his tiptoes and pecking Brian’s cheek quickly.

Brian blushed, “I want to kiss you,” he whispered, “But I’m so scared of somebody walking in.”

Before he could say any more, Roger had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into a toilet stall. They stood in the tiny space almost nose to nose.

“What are you doing?” Giggled Brian, “What if someone finds us in a bloody toilet cubicle together?” 

Roger grinned at him, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear innocently.

“They’re not gonna.”

And with that, he pulled Brian down into a kiss. It was warm and kinda sexy, and Roger seemed very desperate at that moment, allowing himself to be held and moved about by the taller man.

Roger moaned quietly, tangling his fingers in the older man’s hair. It was a weird place to be making out, in the bathrooms, but it was also unexplainably groovy. 

Roger liked it.

Their lips moved together faster and hungrier, both boys just trying to hold each other tighter and tighter.

Until suddenly, the door to the main bathroom creaked open, and loud voices bustled their way in. It was some group of lads that you really didn’t want to mess with.

Brian and Roger broke apart, staring at each other with wide eyes.

“Shit!” Mouthed Roger, running a hand through his hair in panic.

“Is anyone in here?” One of the boys said loudly and obnoxiously, making his companions laugh.

Theirs was the only stall locked, Brian had to do something or they’d probably bust the door down.

Brian cleared his throat, holding onto Roger for dear life, “Uh... yeah.”

Silence.

“Nice shoes” One of the boys said. Dread filled them both as they realised that two pairs of feet could easily be seen from beneath the door.

Without a second thought, Brian wordlessly scooper Roger up into his arms, wrapping the smaller man’s legs around his waist. He heard him gasp at the surprise, but instantly shut up, tucking his head into Brian’s shoulder like a scared toddler.

“What was that noise?” One of the lads said to the other a bit quieter, and Brian could almost feel the sets of eyes burning into the door.

Brian panicked, and spoke again, “Look guys, can you leave me alone? I’m just using the loo.”

“Oh...” One of them said a little awkwardly, while a few others giggled, “Um... yeah. Come on guys.”

Brian was having trouble holding Roger up for so long, as the were about the same weight, but he kept holding on.  
Brian was pretty surprised as he heard them leave. How had that had worked?

“Uh... you can put me down now” Chuckled Roger, who was still holding onto Brian, straddling him.

“No.” Said Brian simply, even through he was struggling to keep him up, “I’m not letting you go again.”

It was a cheesy thing to say, but it was true. Brian didn’t know what was going on with the two of them, but he liked it. 

— — —

“Oh come on John!” Freddie sighed, exasperated, “I only told Brian because he basically knew already.”

John continued to face away from his boyfriend, arms folded. Freddie had ragged John into the gym changing rooms to talk, where they stood alone.

“Who else knows?” He demanded, glowering at Freddie.

“Jesus John! Nobody else knows, okay? It was just Brian and we can trust Brian-“

“That’s not the point!” John looked close to tears, his voice higher than usual, “It’s the fact that you told him without telling me!”

“It was a spur of the moment thing! He was telling me about-“ Freddie stopped, checking himself, “It doesn’t matter. He supports us and nobody else knows.”

John had caught on.

“Freddie,” He said slowly, “What was Brian telling you about?”

Shit.

“Nothing. It’s fine.”

“No it’s not!” John almost yelled, “You go telling Brian about our stuff and then you won’t even tell me what he told you? Do you even understand how I feel right now?”

“Oh for gods sake!” Freddie threw his arms into the air, “Fine! I’ll tell you!”

He didn’t like to betray Brian’s trust, but he had to do this if he was going to get on John’s good side again.

John was listening intently.

“He was hinting that something was going on between him and Roger. That it. I just wanted to show him that it was okay!”

John nodded, his defences lowering.

“Y-You were just trying to support them.”

“Yes! That’s all I was doing.”

John sighed, “I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

Freddie suddenly felt bad for challenging John and getting mad at him. He walked over to him and pulled him into his arms.

“I’m sorry too, darling.”

They stood their hugging, just glad that it was all over.

“So...” John looked at Freddie slightly mischievously, “What _is_ going on with Bri and Rog now, do you think?”

Freddie shrugged, smiling, “I guess we won’t know unless they tell us, but I bloody hope they’re fucking.”

“Freddie!” John squeaked, smacking his arm playfully, “Shush!”

Things seemed to sort themselves out when they talked, yet it wasn’t something that came easily.

— — —

They all sat together at lunch, and the mood was finally happy and warm. God, they’d all missed this happiness, even if it was only gone for a few hours.

Brian sat next to Roger, subtly bumping their feet together ever now and then, and John and Freddie sat opposite, giggling at Roger’s jokes.

Brian went to the water machine, and David sidled to him; Brian could see the bright red hair in his peripheral vision.

“Hey” He said quietly, “Did you talk things over with that person?”

Brian smiled smugly, “I did. And we kissed again.”

“Nice one.” 

They wordlessly fist-bumped, before David waltzed off again.   
Brian thought a lot of him; he was a good friend, and often had good advice to give on nearly every topic. ‘I’ve seen some weird shit’ He would tell Brian every now and then.

The day flew by, and before long, Brian was sat next to Roger on the bus home.

“Will you come back to mine?” He asked the blonde boy quietly, subtly snaking a hand around his waist underneath a pile of coats.

“I’d love to, Bri, but I promised my mum I’d at least come home for dinner tonight.” Roger replied, smiling sadly. He really wanted to tell Brian that he looked gorgeous in that moment, but he couldn’t, and he had to get used to that.

“Please call me if you need anything.” Brian said, looking slightly worried. Roger knew what he meant.

They parted ways at the top of the road, risking a quick hug, and Brian walked back to his own home with a smile on his face.

He’d fixed it.

He didn’t really know _what_ he’d fixed, but he as sure as hell happy about it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me keep you all up to date with this — For some reason, my chapters all went in the wrong order this morning and so I had to spend part of the day re-posting them, so I don’t know if it has affected anything.
> 
> If you see something that’s wrong, please let me know!! :)

It was an early Tuesday morning, and there was time to kill before school.

“Freddie is so sweet, isn’t he?” Cathy said to her friend Jane as they sat on her bedroom floor, listening to records, “I’ve been hanging out with him recently, and he just... listens.”

Jane twiddled with a lock of her strawberry-blonde hair, thinking for a moment.

“Yeah, he does seem quite nice. I wouldn’t say the same for his blonde friend, though.” She rolled her eyes.

“Who, Roger?” Cathy furrowed her eyebrows, “What did he do?”

“We were dating last year, on and off. He never had time to see me and we always had to go round my house to hang out.” She sighed, “He was pretty, though.”

“I suppose.” Cathy shrugged, “I don’t know him that well, but I don’t hunk he likes me to be honest.”

“Why? Who doesn’t like you!” Giggled Jane.

“Oh Jane! You’re so sweet. No he... He probably just finds me annoying.” She shrugged.

Roger did like Cathy. She’d just caught him on the wrong days.

Who wouldn’t like Cathy?

— — —

John dumped his coat into his locker.

None of his friends had been sighted yet, but it was still very early in the morning, to be fair. Brian probably wasn’t even awake yet.

Freddie was already there when John came into the library.

“Hey” John sat down at the table next to him.

“Hello dear!” Freddie smiled, “let’s wait for the others to get here and then we can go and get our PE kits.”

It was made clear that PE was first period when Roger came slumping into the library, groaning.

“Why do we have to do fucking PE?” He complained, “It’s cold! And we have to go outside today! Have they lost their fucking _minds?”_

Brian trailed in after him, “We all don’t want to do it, Rog. Just face it.”

“Then let’s all bunk!” Said Roger, but Freddie was the in,y one who agreed, and do they decided to all just go to the lesson.

They piled into the changing rooms, and stood next to each other to get changed.

Freddie forgot his socks, and so John and Brian had to donate one sock each that they had found lying around in the bottom of their bags. Freddie didn’t want to know where those socks had been.

Roger wordlessly picked up his bag and made for the toilets. Brian let him go without a fuss, after finding out why, but Freddie was curious.

“Rog, what are you doing?”

Roger froze, turning back around, “Uh... getting changed.”

“No I mean-“

“Fred.” Brian said quietly, “Leave him be.”

Freddie stepped down, “Okay, alright.” 

He turned back to John in a way that said ‘the fuck?’ But when Brian quietly scurried off after Roger, he gave him a look that said, ‘they’re fucking.’

Brian opened the door to the empty bathroom where Roger was stood by the sink.

“Jesus, that was a bit awkward.” The blonde boy ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

“Don’t worry Rog, he didn’t think anything of it, I’m sure” Brian stepped closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks for getting me out of it, though.” Roger smiled, “It would have escalated otherwise.”

“I’ve always got your back.” Brian gave him a brief squeeze, before leaving the bathroom to go back to Freddie and John.

“Bri?” Freddie said quietly, looking at the taller man expectantly.

“Freddie! It’s fine!” Brian shook his head, smiling, “You use any excuse to get in on the drama, don’t you?”

“There’s drama?!” Freddie’s eyes lit up hopefully, a sly smile spreading across his face.

“No!” Brian laughed, “Surprisingly enough, there often isn’t drama, unless you start it!”

“That’s actually a good point” John laughed.

Roger returned shortly, clapping his hands. “Into the cold we go!”

It wasn’t intentional, but Roger walked out onto the field huddled close to Brian.

“K-Keep me warm!” He whined, teeth chattering.

Brian laughed, lowering his voice. “I can’t right now, but come over later and I’ll keep you warm.”

Roger smirked, “I’m going to take you up on that.”

Brian looked around him cautiously, before leaning closer. “My parents are out tonight. Stay over?”

Roger’s face lit up, “Fuck yeah! Uhh, I mean... I approve your offer, Mr. May.” He said in a posh voice, making both of them laugh.

Brian quickly gave Roger a friendly hug, feeling bad about the way he shivered in the cold.

“You’re warm.” Roger said, “I’ll be looking forward to tonight.”

The thought of seeing each other later got both of the boys through the day. Roger decided that he would just borrow Brian’s clothes to sleep in, as that was admittedly quite nice.

“Stop being so slow!” John called from way ahead of them, “Come on!”

“Coming, coming!” 

— — —

Freddie dragged John along to their next lesson, while he complained the whole way.

“When in my life am I ever going to need a religious studies GCSE?!” He whined.

Freddie did also dislike RS, but continued to drag his boyfriend nonetheless.

It was just that kind of day.

They sat at the back of the room, listening to their teacher recite a load of Bible quotes that they would never remember, just wanting to get out of there.

“Everyone make a note of this,” Said their teacher, “What are the ideals of being a good Christian?”

Most of the people in the room were Christian, so this was going to be interesting.

“Love thy neighbour as yourself.” One boy piped up.

It was only a matter of time before all things went south in Freddie’s mind.

“Marriage is between a man and a woman.”

There it was.

“Good. Would anyone like to expand on that?” The teacher looked around the room. John knew exactly what she was after.

“Homosexuality is a sin. A man shall not lie next to a boy.”

She pointed at the student who said that, “Well done. Good quotation.”

Freddie looked at John, who was looking a bit upset.

“I feel very out of place here, I must say.” He whispered to Freddie.

Then Freddie had an idea.

And that was how the two boys spent he rest of the RS lesson writing smutty gay fanfiction about Bible characters. 

— — —

Freddie and John staggered into the library that break time, falling into their places behind the bookshelves.

Roger shot a confused glance at Brian. 

“What’s the joke?”

Freddie tried to tell them, but couldn’t as he was laughing too much, so John had to fill in for him between fits of giggles.

“We... we wrote-“ 

“We write Bible fanfiction In RS.” Freddie squeezed out, “Like proper, smutty shit.”

They burst into a new round of giggles.

“Oh my god!” Laughed Roger, “I need to read this now.”

And so, Freddie handed over the safely tucked away piece of paper in his bag, and Brian and Roger hunched over it, scanning it as if it were the document containing the secret to immortality.

“The Last Supper was not quite what the disciples expected-“ Roger read aloud, before all the other boys simultaneously shushed him, laughing dangerously hard.

“Here, eat my ‘holy bread’ and drink my-” Roger wheezed, not even able to get out the last part of that sentence.

Freddie snatched the paper back before they all got caught, much to the disappointment of Brian and Roger.

“That’s a bestseller right there” Proclaimed Brian, pointing at the paper that Freddie was folding inside about 5 other pieces of paper.

“Well, who knows, they could have just left all of that out of the Bible.” Shrugged John.

“What? That the last supper was really an orgy?”

“SHUSH!!!”

They almost got kicked out of the library due to how much they were laughing.

As luck would have it, they all had French together next lesson. All four boys sat on their table at the back, with Cathy, Jane, Richie, and David on the table in front of them. French had to be one of the best lessons purely because of the people in their class.

Freddie discreetly passed the paper containing the Bible fic onto their friends’ table. Richie very nearly got them busted when he started laughing obscenely hard.

“Shut up! Shush! Stop it!” David whacked Richie around the head with his dictionary.

“J’aime mange les petit enfants.” John managed to string a sentence together, earning a giggle from Brian, who was the only one who could translate it.

“You no tiene un pene.” Roger said back.

“That’s Spanish, Rog”

“Oh.”

— — —

The walk to the bus stop was just as funny as expected. The four boys fell about giggling, falling into one another playfully.

When Brian and Roger’s bus came, Freddie hugged them both goodbye.

“Love you both, see you tomorrow.”

Today had definitely been better than the day before.

John watched as their bus drove off.

“We’re lucky”

“We are, darling.”

— — —

Roger and Brian sat right at the back of the bus where nobody ever went. They usually sat near the front, but not today.

Brian subtly moved his coat over both their laps so that he could put his hand on Roger’s leg. _High up_ his leg.

“Can I still come over tonight?” Whispered Roger, facing Brian with a grin.

“Please do.” Brian replied, before lowering his voice, “My parents will be gone all night.”

Roger just wanted this damn bus to hurry up and get them home as soon as possible.

***

The two boys fell through Brian’s front door, lips finding each other the minute that door was shut.

“Let’s go upstairs.” Said Roger, looking at Brian with a devilish look on his face.

Brian wasted no time in picking up the smaller man as he had done the day before, running up the stairs with the giggling Roger in his arms.

They fell into Brian’s bed, and got all tangled in the covers. They laughed as they had to separate for a moment so they could unravel their limbs from the wrath of the duvet.

As they sat up again, Roger spoke before Brian could kiss him again.

“Lock the door.”

Brian did exactly that, even though there was nobody home but them. He sat back down and Roger immediately climbed onto his lap, straddling him.

They kissed again, but slower this time, as if they were trying to savour a limited supply.

“You’re bloody gorgeous” Brian mumbled against his friend’s lips, weaving his fingers into the long, blonde locks and pulling him impossibly closer.

Roger smiled softly, suddenly gaining the confidence to lean back and pull his own t-shirt off over his head, exposing his warm, smooth skin.

Brian felt as if he might explode, leaving a trail of kisses down Roger’s neck and shoulder, making him gasp.

God, Brian was glad he met Roger.

— — —

John sat on his bed, with the home phone pressed against his ear.

“Yes, we got a new landline for my room, it’s brilliant.”

Freddie grinned from the other end of the line, “And I assume I was the first person you called?”

“Of course you were!” John replied, twirling a lock of his hair around his finger like a schoolgirl talking to her crush.

“Well I assume we will be having a few _naughty_ conversations some nights.” Freddie growled mischievously.

“Oh my god!” John shrieked, “Freddie no, telephone calls are traceable, don’t you know?”

“Only you would know that, mr clever engineer.”

John laughed, “Oh Freddie...”

Then the two of them just stayed in a comfortable silence.

They could have conversations like this often, where neither of them spoke, but were simply just in each other’s company.

They fitted each other so well.

Then Freddie spoke, “Darling I have a call waiting, I’ll talk later.”

“Call waiting? Someone’s popular!” John laughed, “See you later.”

Freddie hung up and answered the other call. It was Cathy.

“Hi Fred!” She greeted him sweetly.

“Hello dear, how are you?”

“I’m great, I was wondering if you wanted to come over? If you’re free-“

“I’m free!” Freddie replied, “I’m on my way.”

He pulled his shoes on and started making his way down the road.

— — —

“You’re fucking amazing” Brian mumbled against Roger’s collarbone as they continued with their make-out session. 

The secrecy of it all made Roger feel emotions he couldn’t quite describe. _Good_ emotions. He felt so scandalous.

“Why?” Roger giggled, tilting Brian’s head upwards to kiss him full on the lips again. Brian liked having Roger on his lap like this, being able to hold him.

Brian couldn’t exactly reply because his lips were occupied, but the way he kissed conveyed to Roger exactly what he couldn’t say.

“Come here,” Roger sat back for a moment, only to pull Brian’s shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor next to his own. Both boys were just left in their trousers like the other night, and Roger was all too ready to re-live that.

Brian pulled the other man into a tight embrace, gasping softly at the feeling of their warm skin pressed up against one other.

Brian ran his hands all over Roger’s arms, chest, and back, exploring every bit of exposed skin. He payed no mind to the bruises, and Roger didn’t either; it didn’t matter now.

The evening light seeped in through the window, leaving them visible, but not feeling exposed.

When they came up for air, Roger quickly moved off of Brian’s lap, only to go and lie by his pillow, propped up on his elbows.

“Come over here” He said, his voice low and pretty seductive. Brian was keen to obey.

He crawled slowly up the bed, subtly slipping his jeans off in the process, leaving him just in his boxers, and slowly lowered himself on top of the smaller man, being careful not to crush him. 

A fairly obscene moan told the guitarist that he liked that. Roger adored the warm wrath of his friend on top of him, keeping him exactly where he was.

As they continued to make out _horizontally,_ Roger’s eyes widened as he felt something press up against his leg. Something hard.

Oh my god.

He really wasn’t well-prepared for this series of events, and was kind of panicking. He took a bit of a hit-or-miss guess and moved his leg slightly.

Brian let out a little whimper at the contact, and so Roger continued to rub his leg against the bulge, figuring that it was doing something. He had the guitarist wrapped around his little finger.

With ease, he moved them around so that Roger was now lying on top of Brian, settled between his legs.

He leaned down and kissed him, roaming his hand around Brian’s chest, further down, until he reached his goal.

Brian’s eyes rolled back as Roger ran his fingers over the tent in his boxers, kissing him passionately.

Suddenly, Brian caught Roger’s wrist with his hand, moving it away.

“What?-“ Roger began, feeling very confused.

Brian didn’t feel right.

He really didn’t.

Brian didn’t feel right. He knew Roger would probably grow to regret this, and they were rushing things. Brian knew they weren’t in a relationship (and couldn’t be), but he still felt as though it was all going too fast, and someone would get hurt.

“Rog...” Brian said as they broke apart, looking at the blonde man’s confused face, “Are you okay with this? I mean... it’s... sudden-“

Roger rolled his eyes, “Of course I am, Bri! I’m fine.”

Brian had moved him so that they were lying next to each other, with Roger tucked into his side.

Brian shook his head, “I just think... It’s too soon. I-I’m Sorry...” he looked away, putting a hand over his face in embarrassment.

This was embarrassing.

“O-okay.” Roger looked around, a little bewildered, “Don’t worry, it’s alright.” 

He didn’t mean to sound so cold, but that was just how it came out. He genuinely didn’t mind, and just wanted Brian to be comfortable.

“God, Its not alright!” Brian groaned in embarrassment, “I lead you on massively and then just...” He trailed off, avoiding eye contact.

Roger realised he’d fucked up again; by making Brian feel like shit with his reactions.

“Hey,” Roger said softly, gently turning Brian’s chin so that he was looking at him. His blue eyes watched him sympathetically, “It’s really okay, Bri. I’m sorry I sounded so shocked... I-I was scared too.”

Brian finally made eye contact, looking a bit confused, but comforted nonetheless.

“...You were?” 

Roger nodded, caressing the side of his friend’s face affectionately. “I didn’t know what I was doing at all! I thought I was doing it all wrong.”

“You we’re doing great Rog, I’m sorry if I put you off...”

“Stop saying that! You didn’t put me off, we’re both just... amateurs.”

Brian giggled, “Well then, we can learn together when we’re ready, yeah?”

Roger mentally punched the air; ‘When we’re ready’ meant that these things were not completely off the table.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else to learn with” The blonde man smiled.

Brian didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Roger, really.

He pulled the covers over them both, kissing the top of Roger’s head. 

“You’re the best”

***

Later, they went down to the kitchen and made them some food, taking it upstairs where they ate it beside one another in bed.

“This is fucking delicious!” Exclaimed Roger, “You’re quite the housewife, Mr May!”

Brian laughed, wrapping an arm around his friend.

“Do you want to borrow some of my clothes to sleep in?”

Roger nodded, wordlessly climbing out of bed and opening the drawer. He produced a grey t-shirt and... nothing else.

“You can go to the bathroom if you like” Said Brian, wanting to make him as comfortable as possible.

But then Roger shook his head, taking off his trousers and pulling the T-shirt over his head — In front of Brian.

Obviously they had seen each other partially naked before, but this was different.

This was trust.

Looking all cute in Brian’s massive garment, Roger climbed back into bed and nestled his head under the taller man’s arm.

This had all happened so quickly.

They both lay down under the covers, entwined in one another.

Brian cleared his throat quietly, he did need to say this.

“Um, Rog... again, I’m so sorry I couldn’t-“

“Brian! I’ve said I don’t mind about fifty times!” Roger laughed, giving him a nudge with his elbow, “Stop worrying about it babe!”

_Babe._

Oh my.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this has already been read — Ao3 did me dirty yesterday and messes up my chapters! (I still love you though, Ao3, don’t worry) 
> 
> I’m putting up chapter 9 a few minutes later to try and iron out the mess

To his absolute joy, Brian woke up with Roger still safely wrapped up in his arms.

He smiled softly at how lovely the blonde boy looked. His face was an absolute picture when he was asleep, with his golden hair splayed out all over the pillow and Brian’s arm. 

A halo.

He looked at the clock and considered getting up and making breakfast for them both, but he didn’t want Roger to wake up alone.

And also, rather selfishly, he didn’t want to leave this warm paradise.

After a few minutes of lying there, feeling quite pleased with himself, he saw Roger’s eyes open next to him.

“You look like an Angel, you know?” Brian mumbled. He knew he was going to regret that later, but he was still half asleep.

Roger snorted, “Alright Romeo, you look like a bush.”

It wasn’t the response he was expecting, but his hair did often resemble a bush before he brushed it. He liked Roger being his usual, witty self.

“Nice to see you too.”

“I’m kidding, you’re beautiful.”

Brian tried to fight the foolish grin that spread across his face, but failed miserably.

He planted a kiss to the top of Roger’s head, before climbing over him and out of bed.

— — —

Roger hadn’t been in the library before school in _ages,_ thought John, but that could be a good thing, as Roger always said he came in early because he wasn’t happy at home.

Ugh. John really should have asked what that meant.

Freddie hadn’t turned up either, and it was nearly the start of the school day. John had to admit that he was feeling a little disgruntled, even though none of his friends really _had_ to come to the library before school, he still liked the company. Now he felt a little abandoned.

Before he could overthink it any more, the door flew open and Brian and Roger pushed their way in, giggling. They earned a stern look from the librarian at their racket.

“Hi John!” Roger hissed, grabbing Brian by the arm and going to sit with him.

John was no longer lonely, but he felt as though he had missed something. Why were they both so giggly?

“Whats so funny?” Asked John.

“We um...” Brian thought quickly, “Roger ran straight into a lamppost on the way to school.” He laughed, and Roger followed. John nodded, letting out a little laugh.

Only, that hadn’t been what had made them laugh so much in the first place.

They had been making out (again) right before they were meant to leave for school, and Brian had fallen off the bed. Then Roger had tried to pull him up and accidentally fell on top of him. When they were lying on the floor laughing, Brian’s parents had just walked in the door, and the two boys had to climb out of the window like a mission impossible movie.

But they couldn’t tell John that.

John did look a little sceptical, but thank goodness, they were saved by the bell.  
Quite literally, the bell for first lesson rang.

There was still no sign of Freddie as they left the library.

— — —

Freddie’s bus had broken down on the way to school, and so he’d had to walk the rest of the journey with Cathy. They had gotten a little distracted on the way and popped into a local shopping centre.

“We really have to go, Fred! We’re supposed to be in school by now!” She laughed, trying to drag Freddie away from the vintage clothing stall that he was attached to.

“Okay but we still have to get snacks!” He said excitedly, grabbing Cathy by the hand and pulling her along to the convenience store. She nearly tripped multiple times on her long, flowery skirt, but Freddie was there to steady her.

To anyone else, they would have looked like a lively young couple who had gone out for a shopping day, and it was only them that knew that wasn’t the case.

A few minutes later, they were running down the road to the school, painfully late with their bags stuffed with snacks for throughout the day.

They hugged goodbye before stumbling into their separate lessons, at least half an hour late.

Freddie was immediately swarmed with questions from Roger, who was in that class.

“Who’s Cathy?” Roger asked as Freddie began to tell the story, trying to rack his brains.

“The blonde girl who gets my bus, you literally dated her friend for about 3 months.”

“Oh! _That_ Cathy!” Roger nodded, remembering now, “Stop being such a bad influence on her, she’s actually a good student!”

Freddie gasped defensively, “No! It was her idea!”

“If you say so”

Freddie was just about to start his work when he noticed something: the T-shirt Roger was wearing. He had definitely seen Brian wearing the same one, with the same hole in the shoulder seam.

So many cheeky possibilities swam around Freddie’s mind, but he dismissed the thought out of respect. Maybe they just liked sharing clothes.

— — —

Thank god it was Friday, because Brian didn’t know how many more types of quadratic formulae he could remember. He liked maths, but there was a lot to cram into his brain, and David throwing paper at him from across the room certainly didn’t help.

He did this every lesson, and it was so annoying — Brian didn’t even know why the hell he did it.

“Stop it!” Brian turned around, rolling his eyes and flipping David off playfully.

David tried to say something back, but because he was sat right on the other side of the room, he had to talk quite loudly — ultimately getting caught by the teacher.

“Mr Jones, could you do us a favour and be quiet so that the entire class don’t fail their GCSEs?”

The red-haired boy just rolled his eyes, going back to doodling in his maths book.

Brian shook his head. There was no way David was passing his maths GCSE without a miracle.

No matter how hard Brian tried to focus on what the solution to (x-5)(2x+6) was, his mind kept creeping back to the previous night.

He was so embarrassed; He had chickened out at the last minute of doing something he had wanted to do for a long time. Why did he get so scared and uncomfortable?

He _wanted_ to do all of that stuff with Roger. He told himself it was too soon, but too soon into what? They weren’t dating. They were just friends sho

He kind of wanted to discuss it vaguely with David, but then he thought otherwise as the 12th paper ball hit him in the back of the head.

— — —

“Roger!”

“...Jane?” Roger really hadn’t expected his ex-girlfriend of whom he hadn’t talked to in months to come and sit next to him in English.

She dumped her bag down next to her chair and sat in the space next to Roger, smiling at him as if literally nothing had ever happened between them.   
She did look pretty, Roger thought, he liked the way she curled her auburn hair and accented her eyes with subtle eyeliner. He could see her up close now, not just sneaking the odd glance at her every now and then, or looking at old photos of the two of them together.

“How are you? I haven’t spoken to you in ages.” Roger was a little confused at her sudden appearance, but was polite nonetheless.

“I’m really good, actually,” She rested her head on the palm of her hand, leaning her elbow on the table so casually and enchantingly, “None of your mates are in this class, so I figured I’d keep you company.”

Right.

“...And also I wanted to ask you something.”

Yep, there it was.

“O-Okay...” Roger waited for her to continue.

“You know Freddie?”

“Well, yes?”

“Does he talk about Cathy a lot? My friend Cathy.”

What a weird question, Roger thought.

“Uh... I suppose so? Not much just... she’s a nice person and all” He just had no idea how he was supposed to answer that.

“He’s single, right?”

Roger assumed so. Freddie never told him about dating anyone 

“Hm. Okay.” Jane shrugged, opening her exercise book and beginning her work.

She sometimes came across as a strange girl, but that’s what attracted Roger to her in the first place; Her sweetness, her charm, she just made you want to know _more?_

Roger didn’t miss her in that sense, but he did miss the way that she could comfort him when he was upset. She wouldn’t ask questions, she’d just listen to him.

But sometimes questions were a good thing, and her not asking enough of them eventually lead to the breakdown of their relationship.

Roger got on with his own work, occasionally sneaking a glance at the girl next to him. She seemed to carefree — just everything he wanted to be.

— — —

“You coming back to mine tonight?” Brian asked Roger as they walked to the bus stop. He didn’t know what to expect, really, he liked Roger staying over at his, but that wasn’t always possible.

“Actually, I think I’ll go home tonight.” Roger replied, “As in, _home_ home.”

Brian’s heart sank. With both the looming loneliness and worry for his friend.

“You sure?”

Roger nodded, and Brian was in no place to convince him otherwise.

The guitarist lowered his voice, “Just promise me one thing; You’ll call me if anything happens.”

“I promise” Roger gave him an earnest look which eased Brian’s constant worry ever so slightly.

It was so strange how they could switch from being very romantic when they were alone, to just two straight guys hanging out when they were around others. I suppose it was something they had both individually adapted to. 

Pretending.

Freddie caught up with them, carrying John’s bag, but without John.

“Where’s John?” Asked Roger, “Why do you have his bag?”

Freddie grinned, looking a bit flushed, “I stole it and then ran away from him.”

Brian raised an eyebrow, chuckling. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“I wanted him to get a move on so we could catch up with you guys!” Freddie shrugged, “But it seems I’m the only one doing so.”

Just then, Freddie nearly toppled right over as John threw himself at him from behind.

“GOTCHA!”

Freddie squealed, regaining his balance as a rather annoyed but humoured John made grabby hands at his bag that his boyfriend was holding out of reach.

“I’ve just run all the way here, you prick!” He laughed.

“That was the whole point!”

— — —

Roger would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t literally shaking as he entered his house for the first time in almost a week. His parents didn’t seem to care where he’d been, or they would have called someone.

Thank God it was just his mum sat in the lounge, watching TV. She looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened as she spotted her son.  
“Roger, darling!” She gasped, standing up and running over to him, pulling him into her arms.

“Hi mum.” He mumbled.

“Where were you? I was so worried!”

“I-I was just at auntie Sarah’s house.” 

“You should have told me dear!”

Both of them knew he couldn’t have done that, but Roger’s mum was just happy to have him home — Though neither of them knew how long that would be for.

Clare was at a friends house again. Her and Roger seemed to have both picked up on the same technique of just constantly staying at friends houses. It worked.

Roger went up to his room and sat on his bed. Of course he didn’t like living like this — In this constant state of awareness, but he didn’t really have a choice right now. 

He wanted to go to Brian’s.

He wanted to snuggle up close with him and tell him everything that was going on in his mind. He wanted to talk to the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world.

Something in his mind was stopping him.

Roger wasn’t sure why he trusted Brian so much. I suppose it was because Brian had been there for him right from the start, as,I got him if he was okay, showing genuine concern. Care.

Roger wanted to be in the presence of that trust every minute. It was only when he was with Brian that he felt secure, like he didn’t have to be constantly aware. It was such a nice break. Perhaps that’s why he was attracted to Brian in the first place; because he could let his guard down and the emotions in.

Roger sighed. He would be okay somehow, he had survived for 16 years so he could continue to do so.

— — —

On Saturday morning, Freddie woke up smiling. Goodness how he loved the weekend, so stress-free and a chance to see friends and unwind. Realising that it was already 9pm, he decided to phone Brian as he was probably already awake.

“Hello?” Brian’s voice answered the phone.

“Please tell me you’re seeing Rog today.”

“What? Freddie is that you?”

“Yes. And you seriously need to get rid of this tension between you and Rog. It’s quite painful to be in the presence of, dear.”

Brian snorted. “What tension?”

 _”Sexual_ tension.”

“Wha- There’s none of that! Shush!”

Freddie just laughed. 

“Oh darling, you don’t even know.”

Brian rolled his eyes, saying goodbye and hanging up the phone. Maybe he could go and see, Roger today. He knew that Roger wouldn’t want him going over to his house, but maybe they could meet somewhere else.

And that’s how Brian ended up walking to the local cafe, after Roger agreed to meet him there. They couldn’t just _not_ see each other.

— — — 

Roger came skipping down the hallway of his house, quite excited to meet with Brian so unexpectedly. He had spent ages doing his hair, and he admittedly looked beautiful. 

Just as he was running down the stairs, he banged his toe on the wall. Hard.

“Fuuuuuckkkkk” He mouthed, as the pain of a stubbed toe simply prohibited him from speaking. Just as he tried to clutch at his toe, he stumbled forwards, slamming his hand onto another wall to try and steady himself. He ended up twisting his wrist in a painful position.

That fucking hurt.

Though it didn’t hurt quite as much as his toe, but it was certainly going to leave a bruise — And Roger bruised like a peach. He sat down on the bottom step, nursing his toe as best he could while trying to check if he’d actually managed to sprain his wrist. It hurt like hell, but only when he moved it, so he figured that he could just... not move it?

Limping pathetically, Roger left the house.

— — —

Brian waited at a table in the cafe, looking out of the window. He had seen many people walking past, but not that favourite little blonde head of his. 

Just then, he spotted him.

Beautiful Roger, crossing the road towards him. He really was a sight, and people did turn their heads to look at him. Brian felt a sense of pride that he was coming to meet _him._

Then his heart sank right to the floor as he noticed a limp in his step that he didn’t have yesterday. It seemed pretty bad.

What had happened? Why didn’t Roger call him like he’d promised? 

It simply tore Brian’s heart right out of his chest to see someone as kind and as beautiful as Roger be mistreated to the point where he was physically hurt. He didn’t even want to imagine how he got that limp.

As roger walked in, Brian stood up, instinctively taking his arm and helping him sit down.

“Hey Rog, you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah I’m fine,” Roger grinned, “I’m so glad we could meet today.”

Brian nodded, “Me too.” 

Roger seemed very happy, which was unusual given what Brian assumed had happened to him. His heart sank even further as he noticed the blonde man wince as he went to pick up the cup of coffee that Brian had ordered. He instead picked it up with his other hand.

“What’s wrong? What is it?” Brian said quietly, eyes filled with concern.

Roger smiled, “Nothing, I’m fine, I just hurt my wrist by accident.”

Brian was convinced that it wasn’t an accident, and it made him feel sick. There was no chance he was letting Roger go home after this.

They chatted for a while, and Roger still seemed as happy as larry. They went through many coffees, and Roger ended up super giggly and a bit hyper.

Brian did find that very cute, but he needed to talk to him. How was he being so... happy? Brian needed the details; What had happened, who had done it, and where else was he hurt.

“Shall we go back to mine?” Asked Brian suddenly. He couldn’t relax.

Roger shrugged, nodding. He was happy — He was hanging out with his favourite person and nothing could get to him right now.

The walk back to Brian’s was spent with Brian looking very uneasy. Roger tried to control the limp a bit, but his foot still hurt like hell, and so it was difficult to.

Brian couldn’t put into words how badly he wanted to carry poor Roger home. He wanted to hold his hand and pick him up so he’d be in less pain. And he wanted to cry at the fact that he couldn’t do that.

Brian called a quick hello to his parents, before bundling Roger off upstairs. It reminded him of that time the blonde boy had turned up drenched, shivering and crying. That was a time Brian wanted to forget.

The minute Brian had his bedroom door shut, he threw his arms around Roger, sitting him on the bed and holding him close. 

He expected Roger to drop the happy front he was putting on now that they were alone, but he didn’t.

“Talk to me Rog, please?” Brian said quietly, cupping the younger man’s sweet face in his palm, “It’s okay, I’m here.”

Roger smirked, looking a little confused.

“Why are you being intense Bri? What is it?” He chuckled.

What?

Brian gently picked up Roger’s limp wrist, noticing the way he winced again as he did so.

“Who did this, honey? What happened?” Brian said, “You can tell me.”

“Uhhh...” Roger looked very puzzled at Brian’s concern, “I fell into a wall.”

“Roger, please trust me!” Brian pleased, “You can talk to me.”

“I am talking to you!” Roger raised his eyebrows, this was getting weird now, “I stubbed my damn toe when going down the stairs, fell over like an idiot and my hand landed on the wall!”

“Wha-“ Brian stared at him in confusion for a moment, before he slowly lowered his face into his hands.

“Bri?”

“I’ve been an idiot again.” He mumbled, “I assumed shit once again, and didn’t talk to you about it.”

“Brian I am literally so confused. Please fill me in?”

Brian looked up at him.

“Rog I-I thought your... dad had done that to you.” He gestured to his wrist, “And made you limp I-“

Roger couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh you great worry wart! He wasn’t even home last night.”

“Oh god I was so worried!” Brian pulled him into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head, “I just want to protect you.”

Roger absolutely adored those words, ‘I just want to protect you.’ He wanted that very much too, and felt so damn lucky to have Brian in his life.

And it was then. It was then that even though it was still pretty soon into... whatever this was, Brian felt ready. He felt ready to do those things with Roger.

However, he didn’t want to accidentally hurt Roger, with his wrist and foot and all that, so he decided to put that off for now.

For now, Brian was quite happy just to have Roger tucked into his arms, unharmed and happy.

This was how it should be.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is angsty as fuck, but we have some cute Maylor next chapter!

_”It’s so horrible,” Roger wailed, “I just want it to stop!”_

_He clung to the material of Jane’s jumper while she held onto him, stroking his hair comfortingly._

_Jane would have been lying if she had said she hadn’t wondered what was going on with Roger, and why we turned up to her house like this crying, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask._

_“It’s okay, love,” She said softly, kissing he top of his head that was buried into her shoulder, “Let it out.”_

_“I want to die, I want to leave everywhere.” Roger sobbed, his entire body shaking._

_“Don’t die. I need you, Roger.”_

_Roger sniffled, finally looking up to meet her eyes._

_“I need you more.”_

_There was something in the way he said that that kind of frightened Jane. They were 15, yet she felt as though every responsibility was on her. Roger’s life was on her._

_She loved him, but it was so hard to take care of him all the time, and all of this emotional baggage that he brought to her door._

_And he never even told her what was wrong — Just vague sobs about the fact that he wanted to die._

_Jane knew that Roger’s entire world was on her shoulders, and she couldn’t let it fall._

— — —

Freddie sat at the piano in his living room, playing a melody softly as to now disturb his family. He thought of all the times he had tried to teach John piano, and just ended up giggling.

He wanted to see John.

But he was constantly afraid of looking suspicious.

Freddie decided to go on a walk, as to just get some fresh air and try to organise his thoughts — that weren’t really disorganised in the first place. He just wanted to get out.

He slipped out of the door, walking down to road to the edge of the woods. He could walk though there for a while. The air was misty and damp, almost with a magical flare to it.

He stepped over branches, while leaves crunched beneath his feet satisfyingly. It was so empty, so deserted. He felt to empowered in his mind, like he could think of anything and it would be okay.

“Hey Fred”

“The fuck?” Freddie was snapped out of his dream-like state by a soft voice calling him. He looked around and saw nobody.

What the hell? Was this some kind of forest spirit coming to take his soul? He quite liked his soul, and didn’t really fancy having it stolen.

“I’m up here, you great numpty.”

Freddie snapped his head up, only to see David sat on a high branch of a very tall tree like some fucking forest wizard. Did he even live around here? Freddie wasn’t sure.

“Hello!” David waved cheerfully, swinging his legs.

“Wha- I have _so_ many questions.” Freddie squinted at him, “Get down here.”

David shrugged, leaping off of the very high branch and landing right in front of Freddie.

“Do you live near here?”

“I live in the forest,” David replied mysteriously, holding eye contact.

Then he started laughing, “Just kidding, I live in Twickenham.”

Freddie nodded slowly, “Then why the fuck are you in the forest by my house, up a tree of all places?”

“I sit there a lot,” He shrugged, “It’s nice. I didn’t know you lived close.”

This boy really confused Freddie. 

“Why?”

“My sister lives down the road. Mum told me to keep an eye on her since she moved out.” David grinned, “So I’m doing exactly that.”

Freddie nodded slowly.

“Well... I’m gonna go now...”

“See ya!” David spontaneously leaned in and kissed Freddie on both cheeks like some French gentleman. And then he skipped off.

The _fuck?_

Freddie wasn’t even questioning it after 5 minutes. Brian had told him that David could a a bit erratic sometimes, but mostly Freddie knew him as a pretty nice guy.

— — —

Brian knew Roger came with a lot of emotional baggage, but he was okay with that. He still wanted to see him and to be trusted by him, and remain his friend for a long time.

Well, friend with benefits, I suppose.

The tall boy was sat on his bed playing around with his guitar. He smiled as he spotted his rainbow scarf hanging on the back of the door. Then he allowed a few suppressed thoughts to creep into his head.

He had kissed a guy. Did that make him gay now? Maybe.

Did he plan on doing it again? Yes.

Did he plan on doing other things with said guy? Yes. 

Would he do anything with any guy but Roger? ...No.

Was this all even _legal?_ No. it wasn’t. But he still wanted it anyway.

That’s just how you roll when you’re 16 and confused about literally everything. He had had enough time to think, and Brian had decided that he wanted to go further with Roger. He wanted to make him feel good, and he was ready. They both were.

— — —

“Hello, Johnny angel!” Freddie grinned.

John blinked at him, “What did you just call me?”

Freddie laughed, “Johnny angel, you know, the song!”

John giggled, shaking his head, “You’re a nutter, Freddie.”

“But I’m _your_ nutter!”

John laughed, kissing him. They had randomly decided to meet up that day, and were having a pretty nice time listening to records and chatting. Also, Freddie needed help with his maths homework.

“Factorising is a waste of time.” He sighed, “When are we ever going to need it in life?”

John scratched his head, “Uhh... to convert quadratic equations?”

Freddie gave him a look. This was going to be a long night.

— — — 

“Bye sweetheart, we’ll see you when we get back.” Brian’s mum hugged him, following her husband out of the door. They had gone out for dinner and left Brian alone again. 

He went up to his room and started tidying his room. It had become quite messy over the last few days.

As he sat on the floor folding clothes, he took note of the pale evening light outside. It wasn’t quite dark enough to turn on the light yet, but Brian really liked the soft light. It made him deep so calm, yet there was something intense about it. Something _sexy._

Ugh. There was something wrong with him, getting turned on by the sky of all things.

It probably had something to do with the fact that ‘Venus in Furs’ was playing on the record player. It was a pretty sexy song, and Brian was really feeling it now.

He abandoned the clothes and lay down on the floor, having this moment to himself.

Until it was stolen. Unexpected but not uninvited.

A loud thud sounded as something hit his bedroom window. Brian thought a bird had hit it, and so he opened the window to check it the poor creature was okay.

It wasn’t a bird, it was Roger.

“What are you doing here?”

“Let me in!” He hissed from the ground, “Can I climb up?”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “...Or you could use the door? My parents just went out.”

Roger shrugged, abandoning his fantasies of climbing up the drainpipe like Romeo and walking around to them front door.

Brian quickly ran a comb through his hair, before going to open the door.

“Hello.” Roger said, pretty sheepishly, almost going back to the days when they’d first stared experimenting. Back to when they’d had their first kiss. It was so sweet, innocent.

But the kiss that Brian pulled Roger in for just then was anything but innocent. It was passionate and raw. Brian knew what he wanted, and he was going to get it right now. 

Roger made a surprised squeak as the taller man picked him up, wrapping his legs around his waist and running up the stairs with him. Roger had to fight what came over him as his groin was pressed against Brian’s torso, but he wouldn’t do anything Brian wasn’t comfortable with.

As if he’d read his mind, Brian lay Roger down on the bed. He climbed on top of him like they had done the other night, looking him in the eyes as he spoke.

“I’m ready, Rog. If you are.”

Fuck yes.

Roger nodded hastily, grabbing Brian by the front of his T-shirt and connecting their lips again. They broke apart for just a second so that Brian could pull said shirt over his head, exposing his bare chest.

Roger stared at him excitedly, reaching out and running his hands all over the other’s chest as they continued kissing. He liked to explore, especially if Brian May was involved.

Roger discarded his own shirt, wrapping his arms around Brian, relishing the feeling of their skin pressed together.

Heaven.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Rog.” Brian muttered as he pulled back and just admired the other man in front of him. “Perfect.”

Roger blushed, suddenly feeling a little exposed. He brought his hands up to cover his chest, feeling a wave of unfamiliar self-consciousness. 

Despite feeling very safe with the man who was practically on top of him, he could never fully shake off knowing that Brian was able to see him as he was. Bruises and scars and all, and a Roger didn’t really like that.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Brian skied, concern in his tone. He moved off of Roger, instead lying down close next to him, “Talk to me?”

Roger shook his head, “Nothing, I-I’m being silly.”

That just worried Brian even more.

“Please talk to me.”

Roger sighed, looking up at the ceiling though he could feel the other man’s eyes burning into him.

“I just sometimes kind of... hate my own body,” He mumbled, “And I-I don’t like you seeing it.”

“Roger...” Brian said softly, sounding upset but trying to hide it, “Please don’t think that. I want you to know that I think you look like an angel, love.”

Roger rolled his eyes, though a smile was playing on his lips, “An angel?”

“Yeah!” Brian nodded enthusiastically, “With that beautiful blonde hair and those _eyes!_ A-And you may think that certain ‘flaws’ define you, but I think everything about you just makes you even more perfect.”

Roger was blushing furiously now. Whenever he felt down, Brian always seemed to have a monologue prepared out of nowhere. He knew that Brian thought the world of him, and that had helped him though a lot.

“You have a capacity to make me feel better.” Roger smiled, “Thank you.”

He kissed Brian again, but this time it was soft and slow, setting a different pace entirely. Brian gradually prised Roger’s hands away from where they were covering his chest, allowing him to feel comfortable.

Before long, bath boys had managed to rid themselves of their trousers, leaving them just in their underwear.

On Brian’s bed, making out.

So gay.

But neither of them cared.

Brian’s body had once again failed him and he had got a pretty serious hard-on, desperate for some friction or _anything._

As if he read his mind, Roger slowly moved his knee up to between Brian’s legs, slowly grinding him through his boxers while making hips lips down to his neck, gently sucking and biting.

Brian’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, letting a soft moan escape his lips.

He fell back to reality for a moment, turning to Roger.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes, Bri, I’m absolutely fine.” Roger replied, reassuring him, “Are you okay?”

Brian let out a rather obscene moan, melting into a “Fuck yeah!” that went straight to Roger’s cock. He was getting pretty hard himself now.

“Come here.” Brian stopped grinding and pulled Roger’s leg over his waist experimentally. He had no idea what he was doing or how to do it, but he figured he’d done something right when they both simultaneously let out whimpers as their groins touched one another.

Roger’s noises of pleasure were really something out of this world — Softs grunts and whimpers that drove Brian wild.

The sky was darkening now, making the two boys act purely upon feeling. They both had no idea what they were doing, but this was all about experimenting, right?

Brian snakes his hand down Roger’s chest until he reached the noticeable tent in his pants, running his fingers over it teasingly.

“Oh my god...” Roger breathed, closing his eyes as Brian picked up a bit of a rhythm, stroking him through his pants.

Then Roger looked Brian right in the eyes, with his own full of hunger and lust.

“Take them off.”

Brian booked his fingers around the waistband of Roger’s pants. This wasn’t a big deal, he told himself, but it kind of was. He had known Roger for five or so years, and now he was about to see his dick. And that excited him, but also made him slightly nervous.

He pulled the material down and Roger’s member was freed, hitting his stomach with a soft pat. Brian just kind of stared at it in awe for a moment; It was _big._ Bigger than he had expected, honestly.

Roger let out a sinful noise as Brian moved his hand slowly and down his bare cock, their eyes burning into one another, full of lust. Roger reached down and held onto Brian’s free hand, squeezing it softly. They both needed that.

Brian took a deep breath, he had plans. He knew what he wanted to do, now he just had to figure out how to do it.

“Fuck! Holy fuuckk!” Roger tightened his grip on Brian’s hand as he felt warm lips enclose around the tip of his cock. Brian stroked his thumb over the back of the other’s hand as he sank further down, taking more of him into his mouth.

Roger winced as Brian accidentally got his teeth in the way, and the taller man mumbled a ‘sorry’ around his cock, which Roger couldn’t help laughing at. 

Roger felt heavenly in Brian’s mouth. The guitarist didn’t really know what he was expecting, but this was so much better than all of his fantasies. He clung tightly onto Roger’s hand and took nearly his entire length into his mouth.

Wow, he was pretty good at this.

Roger bucked his hips up to meet Brian’s rhythm, letting out a series of soft moans that grew louder and more obscene with every thrust of his hips.

“Keep going Bri,” Roger grunted, “you’re doing so good.”

Brian was no expert, but he knew his friend was close. He pulled off enough just to mumble, “Come for me baby,” before licking the tip and replacing his mouth with his hand.

He tossed him off hard and fast, revelling in the way Roger’s face twisted in pleasure. 

“Brian...” He slurred over and over again, closing his eyes tightly as his entire body tensed up for a moment, and then he relaxed, spilling all over Brian’s hand with a soft sigh.

Wow.

Brian watched in awe as his friend fell back against the pillows, looking radiant.

He wasted no time in crawling up to lie next to him, smoothing his hair out of his face and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. _He_ was the one who had made him feel so good, and that fact made Brian feel things — happy things.

He’d done it, and he was proud of himself. Brian had had no sexual experience at all — He had suspicions that maybe Roger had done it with a few girls, but this was different.

Roger seemed to come back down to earth pretty quickly, opening his eyes and grinning adorably.

“Hey” Brian whispered.

“Hiya” 

But before Brian could say anything else his head fell back in a desperate moan. A smirk played across Roger’s lips as he slowly palmed Brian through his underwear. 

He had Brian wrapped around his little finger now.

Roger slowly removed the other’s pants for him, and though he was slightly taken aback by the size of what was in front of him, he took on the challenge nonetheless.

“Oh... Jesus, Rog-“ Brian gasped as Roger started jerking him off fast, knowing that he was pretty close to the end go already. 

The whole thing was clumsy and giggly but that’s what first times were supposed to be like, and both boys absolutely adored it.

Roger flicked his thumb over the head of Brian’s leaking dick, making him with a soft moan, burying his head into Roger’s neck. Warm liquid spilled over Roger’s hand and Brian’s stomach, so the blonde man grabbed a tissue from the box next to the bed and gently wiped them both up.

Brian just lay there, totally blissed out, allowing Roger to take care of him. Roger tossed the tissue to the side, and wrapped both arms around Brian, who was quivering slightly now he had come down from his high. 

Roger pulled the duvet over both of them and kissed the top of Brian’s head, fingers carding through the soft curls.

“You’re brilliant,” Brian mumbled against Roger’s collarbone, “I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again.”

Roger smiled, “Well you’re quite lovely too.”

They snuggled further into one another and promptly drifted off to sleep with sweet thoughts of the events that had just happened still fresh in their minds.

This wasn’t something either of them were ever likely to forget, and that was okay.

— — —

Freddie wasn’t sure why he was feeling low all of a sudden, though he blamed it on all the hormones. He sat by his window with tears running down his face, allowing the calm moonlight to comfort him — It’s not as if there was anyone else there to do so.

He wanted John, but he was never able to talk about his problems with him, because then John would feel sad, as he was also prone to doing so.

He wanted a friend, or literally anyone to just hug him and tell him it would all be alright, whatever was going on. For Christ sakes, he’d even happily have David come through his window and listen to his problems. Mind, David was probably still up that tree.

Then Freddie did a strange thing for that time of night; He put on his shoes and left the house, just needing a walk.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t checked the forest for a random David, but he wasn’t there. ‘Obviously’ Freddie thought, but you never know with David.

He sat on a fallen down tree near the edge of the woods, wiping the tears away from his eyes. Everyone could probably see him from the windows of their houses, but he really didn’t care. He didn’t feel anything, he just wanted to stop existing right there and then, like he could take a break from life and then come back when he was ready.

A soft, evening breeze blew his long hair into his face, and he pushed it back again, frustrated. That’s what he felt. Frustrated. Frustrated with everything and everyone.

He thought he saw a face watching him from a one of the windows of a house close to his, and so he rolled his eyes and turned the other way. He didn’t need an audience.

Could he run away?

No, why would he? He had so much here... but half of it wasn’t even his choice. Christ, he just wanted to be _happy._ Was that really too much to ask?

He heard footsteps on the pavement a few metres away, and he braved himself. If he was about to get mugged, he really wasn’t in the mood for that right now. He would turn around and slap them right in the-

“Fred?”

“Oh God...” Freddie hid his face further into his hands, “Oh don’t see me like this, I’m gross.”

Well, at least he wasn’t being mugged.

Freddie looked up just enough to see Cathy’s patent leather shoes in front of him.

“Can I sit with you?” She said so calmly, quietly. Just what Freddie needed.

He nodded, and she sat down next to him. She was wearing a floral-patterned, long dress that Freddie could just see the bottom of. He still wouldn’t look up at her properly.

They just sat there for a few moments, perfectly comfortable. Freddie was quite happy just to sit there with her, honestly. He was less lonely.

“...Do you want to talk?” She finally said, gingerly placing a hand on Freddie’s knee.

He sighed, at last meeting her eyes. The moonlight made her blonde hair shine, and the breeze blew it gently around her sweet face. She looked worried, but so _together_ mentally that he couldn’t refuse.

“I-I don’t know what I’d say” Freddie replied quietly, but before he could continue, she had put her arms around him, holding hi just as he’d wanted to be held when he was crying in his bedroom.

“You don’t have to talk, but I’m here.” She said simply, playing with his hair as he closed his eyes, quite content.

“Thank you, Cath”

Freddie had found a good in Cathy, and hoped never to lose her. She gave him the fun and also the support that nobody else could ever give him; he _needed_ her.

They sat like that for a few minutes until Freddie began to feel tired. He looked up and smiled at her; She was truly a picture, he thought. She had the loveliest face, and it reflected her personality, sweet and beautiful. 

He thanked Cathy again for her kindness, and went to leave.

“Wait, Freddie?” She called just as he was walking away.

The moment he turned back around, he felt warm lips on his. 

Was he expecting that? No. Well, almost.

_Should_ he respond? No.

_Did_ he respond? Yes.

He held her by the waist, kissing her softly as her hands laced through his hair. It was different to kissing boys, so much for gentle, but also more shy — Not like how John kissed at all.

_John._

Shit!

Freddie pulled back quite abruptly, and quickly said goodnight to Cathy, who seemed a little confused at his reaction. She called a soft, ‘Goodnight’ after him, which made Freddie feel impossibly worse. He’d used her, he’d used John, he’d used everyone.

He had wanted to cease to exist half an hour ago, but that was nothing compared to what he felt now.

Freddie hurried back across the road, feeling like the worst person in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10, whoop!

Brian woke up feeling very hot. He didn’t realise how warm two naked bodies could get when they were cuddled up together.

He carefully climbed out of bed, trying not to wake Roger, but a hand caught his wrist before he could get too far.

“Where you goin’ lover?” A small voice said.

Brian giggled, “I’m just going to get us breakfast.”

“Oh you are a gentleman” Smiled Roger, allowing his head to fall back on the pillow.

Brian went to the bathroom, quickly showering and doing his daily routine before creeping downstairs in a bathrobe, pretty sure that his parents weren’t home, but still deciding to check.

The house was still empty, thank god.

He stood at the counter, making some toast and coffee for them both. He knew exactly how Roger liked his coffee.

The shower was running upstairs, and so Brian assumed Roger had figured out how to use the shower.  
The thing was, Roger used to stay over a lot a few years ago, and so he had limitless amounts of his own toiletries lying around the bathroom, which was useful, really.

Brian took the toast out of the toaster and put it on a plate, buttering it.

Then he felt two arms snake around his waist and a warm head press against his upper back.

“Hello” Brian laughed, turning around and hugging Roger back, who was wearing his mum’s bathrobe, “You look adorable.”

Roger rolled his eyes, giggling. “Thanks.”

That was the first time Roger had accepted being called adorable.

Suddenly, Roger made a surprised noise as Brian picked him up by the waist and put him on the counter, legs either side of him. He pressed their lips together again, just wanting to constantly be close to him.

He ran his fingers through the messy blonde hair, combing it, but he kept catching his fingers on knots.

“Ow!” Roger complained, breaking he kiss to hold his poor head, “Stop it!”

“Do you ever brush your hair?” Asked Brian, raising his eyebrows playfully.

“...No. Do _you?”_

Brian shrugged, “Yes, I have to, or my hair will become a giant dreadlock.”

Roger giggled, running his fingers through the dark curls.

“Do you want a hairbrush?” Asked Brian, and Roger finally agreed to take basic care of his hair.

Brian took Roger back up to his room, telling him to sit on the bed, which he did.

He approached him with a hairbrush like he was a wild animal needing to be tamed, and sat next to him.

“Can I brush it for you?”

Roger nodded.

Brian was extra gentle, trying not to hurt the younger man. He carefully ran the brush through his lovely golden hair, smoothing it down when it went static.

“Oh god that’s fucking heavenly” Roger closed his eyes, leaning his head back.

Brian smiled. He loved being the reason Roger was so relaxed and happy, and practically melting into him.

When his hair was all smooth, Brian yanked the brush through his own hair a few times before setting it down on the floor.

“Be careful!” Roger laughed, “It’ll all come out if you’re not gentle with it!”

Roger was now a hair expert, apparently, after having his hair brushed once.

— — —

Freddie opened his eyes, everything hurt.

He didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to _wake_ up. Why did he have to?

“Freddie come on, you’re going to be late.” His sister hammered on his bedroom door, and Freddie mumbled something back.

He had fucked up, and now he had to face the consequences of it.

He sluggishly got ready for school, not in the mood for anything at all. As he was leaving the house, his mother called him.

“Farrokh, are you alright? You’re acting strange?”

 _He_ was acting strange? His parents hardly ever had anything to do with him.

“I’m fine mum.” He smiled faintly, before swiftly leaving the house to avoid further questioning.

The freezing cold air stung. The air as misty and Freddie could hardly see. He wasn’t wearing a coat, he felt no need to. It didn’t matter now.

He stood at the bus stop alone. He figured Cathy had found her own way into school. 

Oh god, Cathy. She was such a sweet girl, and Freddie felt as though he had completely used her. He had hurt her, and she had made him feel better when nobody else had.

Now he had to go in and face John, who was blissfully unaware.

Freddie hated this.

— — —

Roger and Brian sat with John in their regular spot in the library, waiting for Freddie to turn up.

John couldn’t quite figure out why Brian and Roger were being so giggly, but he was at least pleased that they were happy.

“The wind was dreadful this morning, so you agree John?” Roger laughed knowingly.

“Oh don’t drag poor John into this” Brian mumbled, hiding a grin.

“Uhh... yes it was quite cold” John replied with a nervous laugh, not sure what was going on.

“I was getting _blown_ all over the place” Roger wheezed, only just getting the sentence out. Brian erupted into a new fit of giggles and they fell into each other.

Now would be a great time for Freddie to turn up.

And then he did. But it wasn’t like what John had wanted. Freddie opened the library door looking like death himself. He looked at the floor when slouching over to them.

For some reason, John didn’t pick up on this immediately, and was really just happy to see Freddie. Maybe he could save him from the awkwardness of Brian and Roger’s strange innuendos.

“Hi Freddie!” John said as he came over.

“Hello” Freddie returned, using all his willpower to force a smile that he hoped didn’t look as fake as it was.

He just couldn’t stand the way that John was looking at him, so happy.

So unaware.

Brian said hi to Freddie, before continuing to talk to Roger.

“I’m going to get snacks after school, you coming?”

Roger grinned slyly, seeing an opportunity and taking it.

“Oh I’m _coming_ later” He said playfully, making Brian’s eyes widen.

“Roger!” He exclaimed, and they both fell about laughing.

Brian did expect Freddie to pick up on it, definitely, and make some kind of suggestive joke. Then he would pull Brian off to the side later and ask him what him and Roger had done, and be happy for them.

But he didn’t. 

He didn’t do anything but stare at the ground. However, John looked very confused, but did seem to suppress a smile, almost knowingly.  
That’s more than what they were getting from Freddie.

Brian made a mental note to talk to him later.

The bell went for first period, and Brian and Roger skipped off together, laughing all the way about another joke one of them made.

John went to grab his bag and leave, but then he saw the look on Freddie’s face that he’d obviously tried to hide. So he scooted a little closer to him, and tried to get some kind of eye contact.

“Are you alright?” John asked quietly.

Freddie forced another smile. “I’m fine, John. Let’s go.”

John knew Freddie was anything but fine, and he was determined to help him out like a good boyfriend.

He had to.

Freddie was the rock of the group, and he couldn’t let him crumble.

— — —

“Mr Taylor, I’m afraid I’m going to have to move you.”

Roger rolled his eyes, waving bye bye dramatically to Brian, before grabbing his books and moving to the other side of the classroom where his geography teacher had moved him.

Him and Brian had been giggling too much instead of working, and so the teacher had split them up.

They were far apart now, but they could still see each other if Roger tunes around, and so he did exactly that, catching Brian’s eye.

He made a very subtle licking motion with the tip of his tongue in the air. That was all it took to make Brian unceremoniously let out a loud wheeze of laugher. Roger tried to suppress his own laugh, and it came out as a huge snort, not helping the fact that they were supposed to calm down.

They were just so giggly and happy today, and they couldn’t stop.

Despite being quite far away from each other now, they still couldn’t stop laughing. Whenever they even made the slightest of eye contact, or even when one of them made any kind of noise, the giggles returned. — And for once, Brian was the loudest.

He heard his teacher clear her throat from the front of the room.

“Oh... Sorry...” Brian tried to keep a straight face as he looked up at his teacher, but once again, failed miserably, laughing so hard no noise came out as he rested his head on his desk. 

“Mr May, do you need a minute outside to compose yourself?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. Yes please” Brian choked out, quickly standing up to leave the room, tripping over his long limbs as he left, but not before shooting a quick glance at Roger, who just began laughing again.

It was a mess, but a beautiful one at that.

— — —

Freddie had left the room half way through Biology. He had said he needed the bathroom, but didn’t plan on going back in that room.

He stumbled down the corridor feeling sick. He needed to calm down. 

He rushed towards the nearest bathroom, which was in the Geography block. As he approached the door, he heard a voice.

Oh for fucks sake.

“Fred? You okay?” Brian was stood against the wall outside his classroom, looking as though he had been laughing but was now serious.

“Yeah I’m... I’m fine” Freddie said curtly, hurrying into the bathroom and hiding.

As expected, the door opened behind him.

“Hey, talk to me Fred.” Brian said in a voice that was soft but left no room for arguments. He found the only stall that was locked and gently knocked. “Come on, you’re obviously not okay.”

Freddie was fighting back tears now, but refusing to cry.

He silently unlocked the stall door, looking up at Brian in a way that said ‘don’t tell a soul.’

“I fucked up, Bri” He said quietly, “I’ve done a horrible thing.”  
He was choking back even more tears now, and Brian approaches he situation with caution.

“Can you.... tell me?”

“I-I kissed Cathy.” Freddie groaned bluntly, looking at the ground. He wasn’t in the mood for a nasty game of 20 Questions right now.  
He didn’t need to say any more — his tears were threatening to escape him any moment now.

Unashamed, he let the tears roll down his face freely now. He didn’t care.

“How in God’s name do I tell John?” He wailed.

He hid his face in his hands in despair, and Brian instinctively pulled him in for a hug, shushing him comfortingly.

“We’ll sort it out, Freddie. Don’t worry.” He said softly, “Honestly, I was expecting you to sell me you’d murdered someone.”

Freddie looked up at him, laughing weakly through the tears.

The first time he’d laughed in a while.

At least he had Brian now, everything could be sorted from here.

He hoped.

— — —

John was waiting by the door of the classroom that Freddie had left. He hadn’t come back, and John was getting annoyed.

“Hi John” Freddie finally emerged from around a corner, walking towards him.

“Freddie where were you?” He asked, worried.

“Oh I was just... walking.”

“Okay.” John had had enough of this now. He needed to find out what the hell was going on, as it was now not only impacting Freddie, but everyone around him.

“Come here” John grabbed Freddie’s arm, leading him down the hall and through a door that lead to an area of the courtyard that nobody ever went in. 

They fell behind a corner where nobody could see them. Funnily enough, it was the was the corner where Freddie had dragged John a while ago to ask him out for the first time. John had said yes.

Now John looked him in the eyes, not here for games.

“Whats wrong, Freddie?” He said quietly, leaving no room for objections.

“I’m fine I-“ Freddie muttered, looking away. He wasn’t fine at all. John knew something was up, and he had no choice but to spill the beans now.

“Freddie Stop!” John said loudly enough to startle them both, “You’re not okay! Talk to me!”

Freddie sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“I-I did something stupid.”

John looked at him expectantly, waiting for his response.

Freddie couldn’t even look him in the eye as he muttered,

“I kissed someone else.”

That slapped John in the eye.

Ordinarily, it wouldn’t have been much of a big deal, but it was the fact that Freddie had been spending less time with John, and their relationship was getting rock anyway, and this just sent it over the edge.

 _”What?”_ John said, feeling hurt, angry, sad, and strangely powerful all at the same time. “Why?”

“They... They came onto me, I swear!” Freddie threw his hands up in the air as if it would make it better.

“Why does that make any difference?”

“It doesn’t, really” Freddie sighed, “Look John, I’m so sorry, and I love _you,_ and-“

“Who was it?” John said quietly, but staring at Freddie with a truly frightening look that he never wanted to see on John again.

The cold air blew about their faces, and a miserable trickle of rain began to fall.

“...Cathy.”

If John looked mad before, then amplify that by twenty. That’s what he looked like now.

 _”A girl?!”_ He squeaked, his voice cracking. Pain filled his eyes, along with hurt and every other emotion that made Freddie want to throw himself off the roof.  
“What... are you straight and just never told me or....?”

“No! No John that’s not it!” Freddie tried to put a hand on his boyfriends arm, but he shook it off quickly. “It just happened. I didn’t want it to, I swear!”

“Yet you still did it” Shrugged John, sighing and looking up to the sky.

Silence.

John didn’t have anything to say and Freddie didn’t feel as though he had the right to say anything.

John eventually cleared his throat, eyes glistening.

“I need t-time to think about this” He mumbled. “We’re going on a break.”

Freddie could’ve sworn he’d felt his heart snap. He’d fucked this up so badly. John wasn’t overrating, he had every right to be as angry as he was.

“We’re... breaking up?”

“Not forever, maybe, I don’t know.” John shrugged, “I just need to process this.”

He gave Freddie a horribly formal nod before leaving quickly.

Freddie stood out there in the cold on his own, and let the tears fall. He rested his head against the wall, letting body-wracking sobs take over him.

He couldn’t see it getting better now.

— — —

“Where the fuck were you?” Asked Roger as Brian found him in the Geography corridor, “Miss Neil thought you’d done a runner!”

“I needed the loo” Brian shrugged.

“Well, let me tell you, it was a _long, hard_ lesson without you in there with me.” Roger giggled, and Brian let out an unflattering snort of laughter.

And so the games continue.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was super long, so this is kind of part 1 of 2.
> 
> Part 2 will be up shortly.

It was midnight, and Freddie couldn’t sleep for the life of him. He sat on his windowsill with the window open. He lit one of the emergency cigarettes from the packet he’d bought ages ago incase he ever felt too full of emotion.

He inhaled the smoke, shamelessly coughing as soon as he did so. The smoke filling his lungs made him less tense but not relaxed. He couldn’t do that.

He looked out into the clear nights sky. He had once sat on this very windowsill with John a few months ago, and they had sat there for hours talking and watching the stars.

Freddie had thrown that all away now.

Brian would probably kill him if he found out he’d been smoking, so Freddie stubbed out the cigarette on the wall and threw it down below. He couldn’t afford to make Brian mad right now.

Freddie somehow needed to drag Brian away from Roger for a _moment_ tomorrow to fill him in on what what happening.

Freddie sighed. Brian probably didn’t even care, he thought.

Freddie looked down at the high drop below his legs that swung out of the window, thinking to himself for a moment.

It was a long way down.

No.

He’d stay here for now.

— — —

Roger had been lying awake for ages in his own bed thinking about... you guessed it; Brian.

He was happier than he’d been in a long time. He just wished he could have been with Brian again tonight, but it would’ve looked suspicious to his parents.

Roger hadn’t been at home much, and that had been a bit of a relief. He hadn’t seen his sister for at least a week now, and he did miss her, but he also wouldn’t want her to risk coming come as he had.

He let out a content sigh, closing his eyes.

What if everyone who was alone while trying to sleep could see each other?

What a strange thought.

Roger wondered who he would see, and what they would say. Would he know them?

Strange, tired thoughts.

— — —

John sat hunched up next to his mum on the sofa, who had her arm around him, not entirely sure what to do.

“So you’re upset but you can’t tell me why?” She said, trying to be comforting but was a little confused.

John sighed, “It doesn’t matter why.”

She nodded, pulling him in closer and wrapping her arms around him.

John snuggled into her. Sometimes he just needed his mum’s hugs; they seemed to make everything better.

What would he do?

He loved Freddie, and wanted to be with him, but he was so, so scared of one thing:

Was Freddie really straight?

John was terrified that Freddie hadn’t entirely figured out his sexuality, and was going to tell John at some point that he was straight, and John would look like an idiot.

Was John even straight?

He didn’t know. He’d never even payed any mind to it; He’d just fallen in love with Freddie and that was that.

John opened his mouth to try and say something, but nothing came out.

“What’s on your mind, sweetheart?” His mum tried again, desperately wanting to know what was making her son so sad.

“Is it girls?” She asked. Then she paused, pondering for a moment. “...Boys?”

Johns head snapped up to meet her glance, before blushing and looking at his hands.

_Shit._ That looked so suspicious. 

There was a silence in the room, with just the soft crackling of the fire whispering warmth.

John knew she had inklings.

He was as good as dead now.

She had obviously caught onto his reaction, and she smiled softly.

“It’s okay if it is about boys, honey.” She said quietly.

John almost choked on thin air. _What?_ How could she be okay with that? He must’ve misunderstood or misheard or something. It was illegal for gods sakes!

She laughed softly, “I know, dear, it’s okay.”

“You know... you know what?” Asked John, cautiously meeting her gaze and raising an eyebrow.

“That... well,” She wasn’t sure how to phrase it exactly, “You like boys, right? I-I mean, _romantically?”_

John just kind of stared at her, absolutely dumbfounded at how she figured that out.

“What do you... how do you...”

“I’m your mum, I know everything” She chuckled, “And I love you and want what’s best for you!”

Wow.

John was in absolute awe. Who even knew this kind of acceptance existed in 1962?

John smiled widely, absolutely overcome with emotions that he was yet to process.

“I love you too.”

— — —

Morning light cracked though Freddie’s window, and he just wanted it to go the hell away.

He decided to ignore his alarm on the verdict of ‘I don’t really need GCSEs’

But alas, his mum came knocking on his bedroom door.

“You’re going to be late again, Farrokh!” She sighed, “Please hurry up!”

Freddie felt as though his parents gave him no attention unless he’d done something wrong, and that frustrated him. He was so lucky when he’d had John because he had _somebody_ to give him some kind of affection.

But now he had none of that.

He slouched out of his room, past his mother, and down the stairs.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. A rare occurrence.

Freddie looked up, “I-I don’t... I’m just feeling down.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry about that, I hope you feel better once you get to school.”

She reached out and took hold of his hand, and Freddie looked surprised.

She smiled, giving it a squeeze, and then letting go.

— — —

The bus ride to school was something Brian would like to forget.

It was completely out of there blue, and he didn’t know what brought it on, but when he sat down next to Roger, his pants felt unusually tight.

He was confused, because nothing had really aroused him, but all of a sudden he had a spontaneous boner — And Roger sitting next to him chewing on the end of a pencil wasn’t helping.

Roger wasn’t even trying to be seductive; he was just trying to get his damn homework done, but the way his soft golden hair fell about his shoulders and down his back, mixed with the way his confused face chewed on his pencil was truly beautiful. His shoulders were hunched in the most unattractive way. Still, Brian found it all unbearably sexy.

He went blushed, pulling his coat over his lap to hide the embarrassing tent. The bus suddenly seemed awfully hot, and he took extra notice of the way Roger occasionally brushed their shoulders together while he focused on the homework that was due in first period.

He was desperate for some kind of relief, but he couldn’t do that on the bus.

As these things go, Roger looked over and noticed Brian’s flushed face.

“You okay?” He said quietly, looking a bit worried, “What are you doing that for-" He asked, pointing at the coat on his lap. 

Then it registered with him. 

"Oh" he said quietly, "Well, I wish I could help you with that, but we're on a bus right now.

Brian nodded, "Shame, that, isn't it?"

Roger shrugged, "These busses should have better facilities, I tell you."

They got into a very giggly conversation that distracted Brian, and the 'problem' was gone by the time they got to school.

— — —

It wasn't as if Freddie had anyone to hang out with that day, or any day from now on.

Would John want to get back with him? God knows, Freddie thought he should probably just get used to being alone.

He couldn't really hang out with his usual group of friends, because he figured John would want to stay with them, and he wanted to give him space. Though he did miss his group terribly, but what they _were,_ ages ago before Brian and Roger started acting funny, and John wasn't so upset over everything, and before Freddie hadn't _fucked up._

He really hated himself for that, and that feeling of self-loathing wasn't going to go away. He knew.

He settled for sitting alone in a classroom full of equally lonely people getting on with their homework and things. 

He didn't have anything to do, and so he just sat there, doodling on a piece of paper. He didn't know what he was drawing, but before long, he had drawn a big black scribble. It had to be said, it was a very artistic scribble, and it really felt as though Freddie was seeing his feelings down on paper.

He felt wrecked.

— — —

As the bell went for first period, John didn't know what to do. He had seen Brian and Roger briefly in the library, and they were nice to him, but he didn't feel as though he could hang out with them with out Freddie. The dynamic of the group was all skew-whiff without one of them there.

When walking to his computer science class, John accidentally met Cathy's glance when walking past her in the corridor.

He was wondering why she smiled at him, and then he remembered it was because she didn't know. She never knew that he and Freddie were together; and so she must've thought Freddie was mad when he'd run away from her like that.

And she probably thought John was an absolute dick for giving her a bitchy look in the corridor.

John couldn't focus for the entire lesson. All the codes he usually knew to copy out on the computer screen were just gone from his memory, and he just felt empty.

Empty of knowledge, empty of emotion, just empty.

He could've vanished right there and then and it wouldn't have made any difference at all to him.

— — —

Break was spent alone for everyone, though for Brian and Roger, it was slightly less depressing.

Freddie walked around on his own, as did John, Roger had to stay behind in his last class for writing rude words under the desk, and Brian went to the school gym to pass time.

He had been sat on the Exercycle for about 10 minutes now, and he was getting tired, but he really needed to get some exercise. 

There wasn’t anyone else in the gym, so he was a bit lonely, but he’d be seeing his friends later.

Funny that, he hadn’t seen Freddie or John all day; maybe they had worked things out and just wanted to spend some time together? Brian made a mental note to talk to Freddie later.

The small, cheap school gym wasn’t something to admire, but the changing rooms seemed to be what the school has spent money on. They were big, and had actual, working showers that didn’t turn themselves off within moments of turning them on.

He’d worked his poor legs so hard in the last 15 minutes, that he had worked up quite a sweat — He’d have to miss part of third lesson to shower. It was a study period anyway, so it shouldn’t matter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2!

Roger had a bit of a spontaneous thought; he wanted to start getting changed with everyone else instead of the toilets during PE. He knew that Brian would stick up for him if he got pointed at, and it wasn’t even _that_ noticeable to begin with, so he wanted to do this.

He decided that he would get used to the area, so he skipped third period and walked over to the changing rooms he had dreaded.

He planned to just... walk around in his underwear for a bit — But only if the changing rooms were empty. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do this, and hopefully achieve some level of normality before the next PE lesson.

He could do this.

He put his bag down on the bench, and looked around him quickly for any random students hanging out in there.

Why did he feel so damn nervous?

Why was he doing this?

It was mad.

Nevertheless, he gingerly took off his trousers and T-shirt, leaving him just in his underwear.

This was embarrassing, and he prayed that nobody would walk in. He knew nobody was in there, but he was scared that somebody was just being very quiet around the corner.

Gradually, he started walking, just sneaking around the lockers, and around the large room.

“Okay” he said quietly to himself, “This is fine.”

He _could_ do it, even though it was a weird challenge to set himself in the first place.

He was walking around quite freely now. Normally, he would have been cold, but there was something making the room warm that he liked.

Then he saw it.

Steam.

Was there someone else here?

Roger followed where the steam seemed to be coming from, and found the block of showers — One of which had the curtain drawn.

Roger racked his brains; He hoped he hadn’t been accidentally singing while walking around alone.

Why was someone in there alone?

People usually went to the showers in groups.

Roger had a bit of a mad idea, and decided to walk up to the shower to see if there were feet. Was anyone even in there, or did somebody just leave the shower running?

He hoped for the latter.

He approached the dingy showers, with his heart beating considerably fast. What was so scary about this, anyway?

Probably just the anticipation; something Roger had to experience a lot.

He cleared this throat hesitantly. “Hello?” 

No reply.

He moved a little closer to the shower, and whoever was in there stopped moving.

Silence.

Everything was horribly quiet, just the sound of the water running could be heard. Roger realised how close he was standing to the curtain, he probably looked like a perv. He could see a silhouette of a person standing still. 

Roger was fucking terrified.

He wanted to get out of there, but just as he turned to leave, he heard the locker room door open.   
Suddenly, the curtain flew across the a hand grabbed his arm.

Roger wanted to scream as he was pulled back into the shower, but no sound left him. The water hitting his face left him confused, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

This was it.

He was going to get raped.

He couldn’t even cry for help to the person who had just come into the locker room, because he had heard then leave a few moments later.

This was it.

“Rog?”

Roger felt every single tense muscle in his body relax as he opened his eyes and saw Brian looking back at him with worried eyes.

“You bastard!” Roger laughed, while exhaling a sigh of relief, and impulsively hugging Brian. “I thought I was going to get raped or something!”

“No!” Brian gasped, “I just pulled you in here because I heard somebody come in, and I didn’t want them to catch you waltzing about in your knickers! — which I saw, by the way” He wiggled his eyebrows as Roger blushed, looking at the ground. 

Roger was thankful, honestly, and so he continued to hold onto his friend for dear life, and Brian returned the hug, holding the blonde man close to him.

And then Roger felt it; and realised that Brian wasn’t actually wearing anything at all. Well, he was in the shower to be fair.

Wordlessly, Roger held eye contact with Brian and removed his own pants, dropping them outside the shower curtain.

“Can’t let them let wet.” He smirked teasingly as Brian shamelessly allowed his eyes to travel down Roger’s entire frame.

The warm water sprayed over both of them as Brian pulled Roger close to him again, kissing him softly.  
Brian ran his hands all over Roger’s chest, wanting to feel every inch of skin that was exposed. He tangled his fingers into his hair, gently combing through it.

Roger let out a content sigh as Brian started gently biting and sucking at his neck, leaving faint hickeys down to his collarbone. They couldn’t be too noticeable, or they’d get questions.

“You know...” Brian mumbled in Roger’s ear, “I never did get to take care of that random boner on the bus today.”

Roger grinned. “You didn’t.”

He reached forward and wrapped a hand around Brian’s cock, which was already half-hard.

“Jesus Bri, that was quick!” He chuckled quietly as his friend gasped against his ear.

“That’s what you do to me.” Brian smirked, resting his head on Roger’s shoulder while holding him with his arms draped over his shoulders. “You drive me crazy”

Roger bit his lip, moving his hand faster and harder until Brian was completely hard and heavy in his hand, desperate for release.

“Rog...” He gasped, moving slightly to press his lips against Roger’s as he moaned into the kiss.

Wow, this was hot.

Brian felt odd referring to Roger as his friend, as it seemed like more than that now.  
However, they _were_ just friends who gave into their temptations.

Before Brian could even tell Roger he was about to come, the blonde man let go of his member, leaving him starved of the contact.

Brian could hardly stay standing, his legs were like jelly, and so he cling onto Roger for support.

They kissed passionately, lips colliding together, wanting to be impossibly closer.

Brian’s head was practically spinning as he saw Roger sink down onto his knees, looking up at him with those big blue eyes.

Roger flashed him a sneaky smile before taking his aching cock into his warm mouth.

Brian’s head fell back, almost hitting the wall in the process. He couldn’t look at Roger, because he knew that the sight of him would send him over the edge too soon.

Again, he gave in to pleasure.

He looked down at the blonde man, who instantly went back to holding eye contact, moving back and forth with his hair all wet and tousled.

Brian wasn’t wrong when he said it would send him over the edge, it did.  
Luckily, Roger did see it coming.

Brian barely managed to stay standing as he exploded, and Roger, bless him, managed to swallow all the mess.

As soon as Brian had no more left to give, Roger was stood up by his side, literally having to hold him up or else he’d fall over. He cradled Brian’s head on his shoulder, stroking his hair. The shower had stopped, but neither of them noticed; however, they may need another shower after this.

“Do you want to sit down?” He giggled quietly as Brian came back to Earth.

He shook his head, “I’m okay now... just, that was amazing, Rog”

Roger smiled, standing on his tiptoes to nuzzle their heads together. “You certainly made it look that way.”

Brian cradled the blonde man’s face in his hands, that familiar trace of worry in his eyes.   
“Hey,” He said, “were you okay with... swallowing that? You didn’t have to-“

“I’ve always wanted to try it,” Shrugged Roger, “and it’s actually alright.”

Brian smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before he noticed that Roger still had a prominent hard-on.

A grin spread across his lips as an idea sprung to mind.

Roger let out a surprised noise as Brian swiftly pressed him up against the shower wall, placing his hands either side of his head on the wall and kissing him passionately.

Roger ran his fingers all over Brian’s back as the guitarist snuck his hand in between them both, stroking Roger’s aching cock.

Roger let out a quiet whimper as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. He was in absolute heaven; which was not something he had ever imagined saying while he was in school.

“You’re so beautiful” Brian whispered into his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

Brian wanted to say ,’and you’re mine’; but he knew that probably wasn’t true. He had to be careful with these things.

Roger was eliciting a series of lewd gasps, getting louder each time until Brian felt hot liquid spill over his hand.

“Fuckkk” Roger breathed as he came, allowing his body to relax and fall into Brian’s awaiting embrace.

Brian held onto him, allowing him to come back to earth before gently sitting Roger down on the floor and turning on the shower again.

Roger smiled contently as Brian rubbed all the sticky stuff of of his friend for him, covering his face in kisses as he did so.

They both stumbled out of the shower to find some towels, thanking the heavens that the whole place was still empty.

Wow. They’d just done _that_ in the school changing rooms. 

Scandalous!

— — —

Freddie decided to skip last period and go straight home. He really didn’t need to sit alone again, and it was all pretty depressing.

Just as he was sneaking towards the back gate, he heard someone call his name. Shit — He’d been caught.

Never mind, it was just David walking out of a classroom, probably trying to escape like Freddie was.

“You skipping last lesson?” He asked, joining Freddie on his walk.

“Yep.” Freddie replied, “I don’t need to do RE.” 

He didn’t need to spend an hour in the same room as John, more like.

“Same” David shrugged, “I may as well go home now.”

They ended up having a pretty pleasant walk to the bus stop, and Freddie didn’t feel quite so lonely anymore.

They didn't know each other well, but it was obvious that they got on very well indeed. Their personalities fitted perfectly together, and they were both just nice, genuine lads.

Although Freddie didn't particularly see himself as a nice person right now. 

Freddie chuckled as he saw David cover his bright hair with a hat. "Good idea," Freddie quipped, "They'll see you from a mile off."

David rolled his eyes, laughing. "Do you think I should dye it back to its natural colour?"

"What even _is_ your natural colour? You've dyed your hair so damn much!" Freddie laughed as they neared the gate.

"Blonde, believe it or not."

Freddie couldn't imagine David with blonde hair, as he was so used to seeing it dyed brown, ginger, red, black, every colour, really.

They were too busy chatting to realise that the back gate was locked.

"Shit!" Freddie muttered, they were either going to get caught to just not be able to get out at all.

Thankfully, David was well-versed in the art of escaping.

"Follow me" He said, before pushing back some leaves by the wall to reveal a branch that had obviously fused to the wall.

He climbed up and over, throwing his bag down on the other side.

"Come on, Fred!"

Freddie sighed dramatically, looking up to where David was sat on top of the wall.

"You're mad, you know that?" He said, before stepping on the branch and pulling himself up. David had already jumped to the ground when Freddie appeared on top of the wall.

The rather high wall.

Freddie giggled, climbing off of David and helping him up.

"Right, lets go!" Freddie clapped his hands teasingly, already making his way down the path.

"Slow down, you bastard!"

If that wasn't a bonding experience then I don't know what is.

David was pretty nice company.

\-- -- --

Roger sat on the bus, feeling quite pleased with himself.

Even though Brian had computing club and wasn't on the bus that day, Roger still felt very exited about the fact that they had had a bit of a scandalous time that day in the showers.

Roger was sat there, smiling to himself like an idiot, when he heard a voice right in his ear.

"Hi Roger"

"Jesus, Jane!" Roger gasped. He want expecting her to be sat right behind him, grabbing his attention. "You made me jump!"

She brushed her fringe out of her eyes, giggling. "Sorry about that! I saw you were getting this bus too, so I figured I'd sit with you."

"O-Okay." 

Roger didn't really know what to make of the situation. Jane was a nice girl, but it was weird that she was suddenly talking to him, given that they ended on such bad terms.

He couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked. The way her eyes seemed to watch him with intent and awe. He was what she saw, there were no other distractions.

Hm.

Roger suddenly didn't feel so pleased with himself anymore. What happened earlier in the changing rooms seemed a bit... gay. Especially with beautiful Jane sat in front of him.

Jane with all her soft curves and features that Roger had worshipped all those months ago. Some part of his mind still did, apparently.

It was like being with boys was a poor substitute for being with girls.

And Roger didn't like that realisation.

\-- -- -- 

As Freddie and David parted ways outside the former's house, David tapped him on the shoulder.

"Meet me in those woods at, say... 10pm"

Freddie laughed. "Do you realise how dodgy that sounds?"

"What? No!" David smacked his arm playfully, "Just do it, I want to show you something."

Freddie shrugged, he'd long given up trying to manage his expectations when David was involved -- that boy was the definition of spontaneous.

He entered his house, shamelessly rushing to the window to try and see where David was going; Where in gods name did he live?

"Hello dear." Freddie's mum appeared in the doorway, re-arranging some vases on the cabinet.

"Oh, hello mama."

She didn't seem to ask why he was home early, and Freddie figured that she didn't really care.

He was starved of affection.

He didn't like his whole break thing with John; he wanted him back now, but he knew he had to wait.

It was getting dark outside, and Freddie decided that he'd be sneaking out to meet David, instead of just leaving the house like a normal person.

His family wouldn't care either way.

\-- -- --

Brian lay on his bed, staring that the ceiling with a big grin on his face.

Wow.

He'd done _that_ with Roger, at school of all places.

There was still so much he wanted to try with that boy, and he only hoped Roger would stay on board.

Brian would like to have had Roger lying next to him then, but they had gone home at different times.

Could he sneak over to Roger's?

Of course not.

Was Roger okay at home by himself?

Probably. He'd call if he wasn't.

Brian sighed.  
He loved how much he trusted him, and he loved spending time with him. Roger was pretty perfect, actually.

Although, Brian was pretty sure that Roger didn't feel the same as how he felt for him. To Roger, he was a friend, and he would never be more than that.

And Brian felt the same way.

...To an extent.

\-- -- --

Roger's walk home was an eventful one. His head was crammed with thoughts that he didn't want in there.

'So you're gay now. That's it.'

'Do you want to spend your life like this? This is illegal.'

'You like girls, and you know it.'

'Fucking faggot.'

Roger ran up to his room, blocking out the familiar shouts coming from downstairs. He couldn't deal with that right now.

He slammed his bedroom door shut, and cried.

He didn't want to be gay.

Yet, that seemed to be what his brain had decided for him, and he hated that.

He liked Brian, but he didn't like the idea of being with a man. He wanted to stop, but he didn't want to lose Brian.

What the hell was he suppose to do now?

He fell down onto the floor, curling up in a foetal position, and silently weeping.

He could hear the raised voices from downstairs, and he wished he could make it stop.

He wanted to make it all stop.

He would go to Brian in times like these, and the guitarist would comfort him, but he suddenly didn't want that now.

He wanted to face this alone, as he was supposed to do.

He had to fend for himself now.

\-- -- --

Freddie did end up going out of the front door, no questions asked. He waited outside for a moment before he saw a person walking up to him on the pavement.

"Hiya"

"Hello, mysterious spirit of the night" Freddie teased, causing David to jokingly flip his hair behind his shoulder and pose.

It was nice to hang out with somebody as theatrical as he was, but it also turned into a kind of playful battle.

It was almost pitch black outside, but Freddie had brought a torch.

"Where are we going, weirdo?"

"Follow me"

They walked towards the forest, where David had been sitting in a tree a while ago.

Freddie had a question, but wasn't sure how to ask it without seeming rude.

"David..." He started, "You know in school, like, who do you hang out with?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, where do you go when you're not with me or Brian? We never see you with anyone else."

David shrugged. "I do have a social group, there's about five of us, but they're pretty shy."

Freddie nodded slowly. "Do I... know them?"

"Probably not. But you can meet them if you like."

Freddie was unnecessary freaked out by this; it sounded like David was mates with a bunch of ghosts.

"...And I've never met your family, like-"

David interrupted him, "I don't talk about them, really. It's... yeah."

Freddie nodded, looking at the ground and dropping the subject.

He'd never really seen David defensive before, but apparently there was more to him that met the eye.

After a few more minutes of Freddie following David through the woods, very confused, they reached an abandoned caravan.

“This isn’t where I’m taking you,” David pointed at it in passing, “But if you ever wanted to hold any secret satanic rituals, do it here.” He gave Freddie a little smirk, and moved on completely.

Freddie just nodded. So many questions.

The woods got thicker, and then thinner as they walked. The moon was fully up now and it casted silver light on top of the trees, allowing little gaps of light to fall onto the two boys.

“Here” David skipped between a few more trees until a dim alleyway was visible.

“What’s this?” Freddie asked. He had lived in this part of town for a long time, yet he never knew that there was anything at the edge of these woods.

He followed David down the alleyway, that was illuminated by a few orange street lamps reflecting in the puddles.

He snuck a glance at David, who’s face was gleaming with excitement. His angular features were cast into either soft light or black shadow in the bordering light.

It was safe to say that Freddie was confused about their destination, but fascinated with his enigma of a companion.

David was grinning with excitement. “I’ve never shown anyone this before, apart from my cousin.”

Freddie raised an eyebrow, “What is it you’re showing me exactly?”

“This!”

They reached the end of the alleyway, and David threw his arms out, presenting a pretty big field, with a massive Manor House in the middle.

“Wha-“ Freddie stared at it, “...Who’s house is this?”

“It’s abandoned!” David said excitedly, “I used to practically live here, but I’m at home a lot more now.”

“Wow...” Freddie didn’t know what to say. He was shocked at the sheer size of the building, while also being a little scared that somebody was in it.

The structure loomed beneath the moonlight, casting a great shadow to one side. How had Freddie never seen this in passing?

“Let’s go in” David grabber Freddie’s arm and pulled him towards the house.

“Is it safe?” Freddie said skeptically on the run.

David nodded, pushing open one large door.

There was a great dusty hallway, with beautiful chandeliers and a grand staircase going up the middle, completed with a dirty red carpet.

“Jesus!” Freddie walked around a small area, trying to compute it all. David was mad, but he wasn’t complaining.

“I’m going to do it up when I’m older,” David said quietly, though his voice echoed all around the wide space, “and I’m going to live here with all my friends.”

“And I’ll live in the abandoned caravan next door” Freddie joked, but without getting a laugh from anyone but himself.

“No” David shrugged simply, “You’ll live here too.”

They flashed a smile at one another from across the room.

He’d found a friend.

— — —

It was well past midnight before Roger finally got some sleep. He lay awake crying most of the night, and his sister had come and joined him around 1am.

They hid under the duvet like little kids trying to block out the screams coming from downstairs, while Roger held onto her, trying to be a good brother and telling her it would all be okay.

He was more upset about his own personal matters, but he wasn’t about to tell his younger sister all about that.

He was suddenly being attacked by all the emotions he had managed to block out during the first part of his thing with Brian. And he felt horrible.

He needed to end it, whatever it was, and their friendship lay hugely at risk.

‘What if Brian was a girl?’ Roger thought. Huh, they’d probably have been dating for years at this point.

But Roger pushed all those feeling aside; He still liked Brian, but he liked him a lot more than he should like a boy, and that was really getting to his head.

He let a few silent tears fall, that we’re hidden by his hair draped over his face.

“It’s okay, Rog” Clare said quietly through her own tears, thinking he was crying for the same reason as her. Her little face was so full of fear and tiredness, but she still wanted to comfort her brother.

“Thank you” He mouthed, giving her a grateful squeeze.

Sometimes, Clare seemed like Roger’s only friend, especially as he was definitely going to lose Brian.

Brian who had stayed with him through so much, held him, cared for him, and just been a brilliant human being in general.

Roger didn’t feel as though he had told Brian enough how much he really meant to him. Now he couldn’t. They couldn’t continue with whatever this was, as much as Roger’s heart was telling him to.

And it hurt.

— — —

John was asleep long before anyone else, after spending hours crying in his room. He had worn himself out.

He missed Freddie, but he had to stay strong. He knew it would be best to properly break up with Freddie to allow him to explore his sexuality. 

John had often seen quotes in his sister’s magazines about ‘Letting Go’ in relationships, and how it was healthy. He’d never really understood what it meant, but now he did; and he definitely wasn’t going to try it. He wanted to hold on and think things through.

He and Freddie weren’t even talking, which wasn’t a good sign, but he had faith.

He had to believe that it would sort itself out, because there was. It hung he could do and nobody he could talk to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My only advice to you in interpreting new characters and who they are based on, is to take it the way you want it. If you see it there, darling, it’s there!

Freddie wasn’t sure at what time he got back, but he woke up in his own bed feeling very, _very_ tired. 

He had stumbled in through his door at about one in the morning, after exploring the huge abandoned house with David for a few hours. Freddie couldn’t believe that David had stayed there for a few weeks by himself, and would be lying if he said he didn’t want to try that himself.

Freddie only hoped that he could hang out with David today, and that the loneliness could go away to an extent.

Still, no matter how many new friends he made, he desperately missed his old group. He hadn’t thought about it much until this morning, but his lovely friendship group had fallen apart.

The people who he had spent literal years with, laughing, making memories, and becoming close with, were now suddenly gone within am instant.

Nothing worked without Freddie hanging out with them. They had to all be there or it didn’t work. John felt out of place with Brian and Roger getting closer, and Freddie couldn’t go near John. He had no problem with Brian or Roger, but he felt very unintentionally outcasted by them.

He stood at the bus stop, waiting patiently in the cold winter air, wrapped up in a large coat.

Then he saw someone out of the corner of his eye standing near him.

Shit.

Cathy.

Freddie knew he’d have to talk to her one day soon, but he really couldn’t bring himself to do so at this moment in time, which probably made him just seem like even more of a dick than he already came off as.

He thought he saw her glance at him for a moment, but he ignited that. Yes, he really should apologise, but not _now._

They made it to school without even acknowledging each other’s existence. 

— — —

Brian practically skipped to school. Roger hadn’t been on the bus, which gave Brian the time to think of at least 15 more sexual puns to slide into their conversations later. The wind blew back into his face as he walked through the gate, weakly pushing him back home.

He just couldn’t wait to see his friend.

However, Brian couldn’t find Roger before school. He had looked in the library, and everywhere else he might be, but he was nowhere to be seen. Never mind, Brian figured he’d see him in geography.

He had thought of 5 more puns in that time.

This was going to be bloody fantastic, as every moment with Roger was.

— — —

Roger kept his gaze firmly fixed on the floor as he walked into his geography class — it would hurt him too much to see Brian’s hopeful smile, or his upset face when he didn’t go to sit with him.

Roger instead sat near the front of the class, admittedly missing his friend, but he had to do this.

He had to be strong.

He had to be _straight,_ for gods sakes.

To Roger’s annoyance, Brian tried to get his attention a few times during the lesson, but got silenced by the teacher each time. Roger ignored him completely, and felt awful about it.

Roger wanted Brian to somehow get the message, but Roger didn’t actually know what said message was. He needed to tell Brian that whatever this was, it was over, but he just didn’t have the heart to do so.

So he opted to do what he did best — Not communicating anything.

The whole lesson dragged by, and Roger could feel the eyes burning into the back of his head, but didn’t dare turn around.

He was hurting them both, but he had to do this.

It would benefit them in the long run.

Right?

— — —

John had to tell Freddie something pretty important, but he had already disappeared the moment the bell went for break. 

They had sat awkwardly a few seats away from each other in biology, but John hadn’t plucked up the courage to talk to him. They had hated the fact that they had those few seats in between them both when they were together, but now they were fucking grateful for it.

Now he had, but Freddie had left.

He had seen him run off the minute he could, probably just to avoid him, and something about that hurt. John knew it was his fault for getting them to go in a break, but it was also Freddie’s fault in the first place, and he seemed to know that.

It’s funny how you can go from somebody boing your everything, everyday, to it being as if you never knew them at all.

John walked to his next lesson alone. He really just wasted his old group back, with Freddie, Brian, and Roger.

One minute, he would feel so angry about the whole situation, and the next, he’d just want to cry.

It was horribly confusing.

— — —

“Roger? What the fuck!” Brian gave up chasing Roger down the hall with an exasperated sigh, and watched the blonde head dart out of sight between the seas of people, not looking at him once.

Brian got pushed along slowly by the traffic of students all trying to get to their next lesson, but he wasn’t focusing on anything but what had just happened.

Roger had hurried out of the classroom before Brian could even catch him to talk about what the hell had just happened with Roger ignoring him, and it was safe to say that Brian was pissed about the whole situation.

He felt fucking used. He 

Just yesterday, he and Roger had had a pretty mind-blowing experience in the showers, and now that strange boy wouldn’t even make eye contact with him?

Brian was more confused than he had ever been.

He could tolerate Roger getting mad at him, shouting, screaming, but he couldn’t do this. This horrible silence. What was he supposed to do with it?

He figured he would give Roger some space for today, before going full-on detective mode tomorrow.

Brian knew they weren’t dating or anything, but he had to fix whatever the hell they had, because it was definitely worth saving.

Maybe that was it — They we’re getting too close.

Brian had to at least save their friendship though, because that had a lasted through anything, and it could last through this.

He hoped.

— — —

David sat at the back of the room in English alone. One thing that most people didn’t realise was that he did have a very good group of friends, but they were all either in the year below him, or on the other half of year 11 — And even at break and lunch, they were all pretty introverted and didn’t like walking around with David.

So David appeared as if he had no friends, but he did, they were just a secretive bunch.

Of course, everyone still thought he was mad, and that kind of hurt.

He dressed strangely, and dyed his hair every colour of the rainbow, and he admitted to liking all the attention he got for seeming out of this world, but it also annoyed him.

He was just human, only with slightly different tastes.

He was getting too into bus head again, and his mother had warned him not to do that, or he’d end up like his brother.

David refused to go mad.

He put his head on the desk, simply absorbing the noisy chatter of the students in the room. He tuned into a few conversations, and heard a couple of girls talking about birth control.

They had a supply teacher, who didn’t know shit about anyone, so everyone was doing what they wanted.

Suddenly, David felt a hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head up to see that Freddie had somehow teleported next to him.

“Fred!” He smiled, pulling up another chair to his lonely desk and getting his friend to sit down, “How did you get in here? You’re not in this class!”

Freddie shrugged, “Your substitute teacher doesn’t know that. I told her this was my class, and my name is Reggie, as far as she knows.”

David sniggered. “Okay then Reggie.”

Freddie had completely bunked his own English class, and David was about to tell him off for skipping so many classes, but he was just happy to have some company.

“Do you want to hang out at break?” David asked hopefully, “You can meet my friends!”

Freddie looked intrigued, “I would love to meet them! I’m still in denial that they’re not ghosts, if I’m being honest.”

David smacked his arm playfully. “They’re not ghosts! They’re just really, _really,_ shy.”

“How shy?” Freddie was a little worried, as he didn’t want any awkward situations.

“Well not that shy. Lenny isn’t shy, but the rest of them are just sort of... super introverted and just keep to themselves.” He explained, motioning with his hands a lot. “You’ve probably seen them around somewhere. They’re just in different form groups or year groups.”

“Hey,” Freddie smiled, putting a hand on David’s shoulder as he could see him getting worked up. “I’ll love them.”

Before David could respond, a voice came from the front of the room.

“Reggie. Get on with your work.”

Freddie started blanks as he saw that the supply teacher was looking right at him as she spoke. Then he remembered that he was apparently Reggie.

“O-Oh yeah... sorry.” He called back to her, making David snigger.

“Who even is Reggie?” Freddie lowered his voice, turning back to David.

“He’s the kid who never turns up because he’s high under a tree somewhere.” David shrugged, “My English class is weird.”

Freddie grinned. “Well, I’m glad I came and saved you from them.”

— — —

Brian practically ran out of his classroom. He needed to find Freddie and talk to him about Roger; he may not be able to help but he could at last understand.

Brian’s head was a mess. He couldn’t think of one thing at one time before Roger snuck back into his thoughts. That boy had really messed him up.

Brian went down the hall to where Freddie’s class was, and waited for him. However, all the students exited, but Freddie was nowhere to be seen.

Jesus.

Then he spotted John, who was still in the classroom finishing some work. Brian’s heart dropped; he did miss John. He felt as though he hadn’t seen him in ages.  
Could he talk to John? He could talk to John.

“Hi” Brian said quietly, walking into the otherwise empty classroom. John looked up and smiled, pulling up a seat next to him.

“Hey Brian! Come to keep me company?”

“Yeah I-I needed to talk to you.” He sighed, sitting next to his friend. “Also, I’ve missed you.”

“Aw Bri!” John seemed genuinely touched by that, “I wouldn’t mind a chat too, if you don’t mind.”

“Let’s spill all our problems.” Brian sighed, turning to John. It had been a while since they had done this, but it was certainly something they did a few years ago; Brian would talk to John about all his problems and vice versa. 

Looking back, they used to be much closer, especially after John’s dad passed away. Brian had been a bit of a mentor to him, but they had kind of drifted apart. Now more than ever.

Brian didn’t tell John in detail about what was going on with Roger, but he told him vaguely that they had been very close over the last week or so, and now Roger wasn’t talking to him.

“I noticed you two getting very... close” John pondered.

“Yeah. He’s not talking to me now.”

A moments silence ensued. Brian’s throat felt very dry, and so he went to drink some of the tea he’d brought in a flask this morning.

“You were fucking, weren’t you?”

Thank god Brian hadn’t taken a big sip, because he very nearly spewed all of his drink everywhere, making John suppress a giggle.

“W-What?” Brian asked weakly, putting his flask safely to the side and coughing.

“You heard me.” John raised an eyebrow and sitting up straight. He looked like some kind of fortune teller the way he held eye contact in a way that made a Brian feel a bit uncomfortable.

Brian sighed, looking down. “Well... Yeah.” 

A knowing smirk spread across John’s face, and Brian gave him a look.

“How did you know that?”

“I know everything.”

“Well... what do I do?”

John thought for a moment, before speaking in a way that made Brian trust that he knew what he was on about.

“Give him space for a while, as in a day or so, let him think about how much of a dick he’s being, and then hunt him down and talk to him.”

Brian raised an eyebrow at John’s choice of wording that, but he more or less got the message.

“He may look as though he’s trying to hurt you,” John continued, shrugging, “but I think he’s just scared.”

Brian sighed. Maybe he was right.

John cleared his throat, eyes softening. Brian’s emotive state was breaking down the very hard wall John had built up around himself over the last few days, and he was glad of it.

“Do you want a hug?” 

Brian looked a little surprised at that, but he nodded, and John wrapped his arms around him.

God, they hadn’t hugged in bloody ages.

It was nice.

“Thanks for that. You’ve really helped.” Brian smiled, patting John on the shoulder as they broke apart. “Now tell me about Fred.”

— — —

“Where the fuck are we?” Freddie sounded slightly panicked. David had taken him to a part of the school he never actually knew existed after five years of going there. David had told him that his friends all hung out there, and Freddie was honestly getting a little terrified.

Freddie tried to convince himself that these people he was about to meet were human, but he really wasn’t sure anymore. He didn’t even know David _had_ any friends until yesterday, so he was understandably feeling out.

They were walking though a very skinny hallway that Freddie assumed was either off-limits, or just unknown of its existence to the staff. The dusty, brown carpet was all tattered and worn, and the dark, wooden walls were adorned with old paintings. Little oil lamps lit their way, which David had claimed to have installed himself. They did look newer.

They were definitely underground, due to the lack on windows and as they had gone down about four flights of stairs that started in the gym cupboard. This was definitely spooky, and probably not very safe.

“It’s just down here.” The red-haired boy laughed at Freddie’s nervous state. He pulled him down one more steep staircase and opened a small door, that was adored with colourful scarves.

Freddie’s jaw hit the floor. The room inside was small, but very cosy. It looked like an abandoned classroom from when the school was first built somewhere in Victorian times. David and his mates had decorated it with lamps and bulbs to offer some kind of light that would otherwise we absent, and colourful rugs were thrown about the floor.

It was beautiful.

What was it with David and finding secret abandoned shit?

“Hey guys” David waltzed in causally.

There were his friends, and they actually weren’t ghosts.

There were three of them. Two boys and one girl. They were laughing amongst themselves, until they spotted Freddie in the doorway. They sat around on the floor, like an actual ritual was about to peruse and Freddie was the sacrifice.

The girl looked at him like a lamb who thought she was going to be taken from her mother. “W-We’re not doing anything wrong!” She blurted out, hiding her face in her dark hair, looking around her.

“Kate, that’s Freddie,” David sighed exasperatedly, “He’s not going to tell anyone.”

“Oh...” She laughed, her mood changing amazingly fast. “Hello then!”

Freddie waved feebly back. 

“Anyway,” David went to Freddie, pulling him further into the room and closing the door behind him. “This is the gang. We have George...” He pointed at one of the boys, who had thick, dark, hair that hung in a fringe that nearly covered his eyes. He smiled shyly, ducking his head.

“Kate...” He gestured to the dark haired girl, who grinned widely, pulling Freddie down next to her on the floor without warning.

“...and Lenny.” 

Lenny instantly caught Freddie’s attention. He was sat squeezed in between the other two, and reached over Kate to shake Freddie’s hand in a playfully posh manner. His light brown hair was in a similar style to George’s, although it was shorter on the fringe, and slightly longer at the back.

He was loud, but charming.

“Anyway.” David plonked down next to George, so that they were all in a circle, “We found this room back in year seven, and were constantly terrified that it’s gonna get found by the teachers and we’ll get kicked out.”

“We once all slept here for a few days in year 9,” Smiled Kate, “That was fun, but now we all go and sleep in the forest house if we want sleepovers.”

Freddie assumed the forest house was the abandoned mansion David had showed him.

Freddie liked these people. He couldn’t believe he had been going to their school for five years and just... never seen them. He did recall seeing Lenny by the water machine once, but that was one time, years ago.

Kate had a very unforgettable face, and Freddie couldn’t remember seeing her anywhere, ever. She had big, brown eyes that were lined with more eyeliner than he’d ever seen on a person, and the sweetest smile that seemed to make everyone happy.

George was quiet, but seemed nice. Freddie assumed that he was one of those you had to get to know before they really went crazy around you.

Davie grinned at Freddie. “I know we seem like some kind of secret tribe, but we just like to keep to ourselves” he shrugged, ruffling George’s hair and making him laugh.

Freddie nodded back, flashing a genuine smile. David fitted in so well with these people, and he hoped he would too in time.

— — —

After massively cheering John up, Brian left the classroom to go to the loo. John has informed him of the situation, and Brian had advised him to talk to Freddie and tell him he needed to experiment more before thinking about getting back together.

Feeling pleased with himself, Brian walked down the hallway towards the bathrooms. He figured that he’d just have to be alone for today, and then find Roger tomorrow.

But as he entered the loo, he saw Roger stood by the sinks doing his hair.

He looked as if he was struggling with a small hairbrush he’d brought. He was alone, and the bathroom was otherwise empty. 

That had been the bathroom they had kissed in all those weeks ago.

Screw that ‘giving him space’ thing.

Brian’s heart was in his throat as he walked in.

Roger looked up for a moment, seeing him, but not at all meeting his eyes. He could almost see the expletives he was saying inside his head.

The warm light of the room poured on top of Roger’s golden head as he kept his eyes firmly on the floor; despite Brian now standing right in front of him.

“Roger.” He said. He wasn’t standing for any of this. 

“Hm?” Roger hummed quietly, at least acknowledging his presence, but going back to doing his hair in the mirror.

Brian had to keep a firm front, though Roger looked so... innocent. He looked tired and unhappy, yet like he was trying and it hurt them both.

“Roger, tell me what’s up.” Brian said, a little softer than before, “Please.”

Roger sighed loudly, turning his head and meeting Brian’s eyes for the first time in what seemed like ages.

“I-I...” He seemed caught of lost for words, “I can’t do this.”

Brian’s heart dropped right to his feet. He hoped that didn’t mean what he thought it did.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, Brian.” Roger looked at the ground again, “I can’t do... whatever this is we’re doing. I don’t want to be _gay.”_ His voice cracked slightly on the last word, and he hid his face behind his sleeve.

Brian looked as though he’d just been shot. That hurt. 

“Roger, why are you-“

“It’s done Brian. I just want out.” He mumbled, pushing past Brian, emotionally bruising him with every step he took.

As the door closed behind him, Brian couldn’t control the tears that filled his eyes.

Now was a really shitty time to realise that he had been in love with Roger.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, updating in the middle of the night!
> 
> Thanks to everyone persevering with the angst!

It was a rainy Friday afternoon, and Brian couldn’t wait for the weekend to arrive. He wasn’t sure why, because he didn’t have anything to do, but at least it would be better than being alone at school.

Well, he had been sitting with John most lunch times, which was something at least, but he really missed having lots of friends. Everyone seemed to have disappeared.

He was alone in the library, waiting for lunch break to be over so he could go to his next lesson. Raindrops were thrown harshly against the window he was sat by, and the moody, grey skies were covered over with clouds.

It had taken him almost a day to process what had happened with Roger. He had ended whatever they had around this time yesterday, and it had only just sunk in.

And it wasn’t pleasant.

Brian couldn’t keep lying to himself — They definitely had something, but whatever it was, it had scared Roger.

He wanted them to at least just be friends now, as he missed him more than ever, but he knew that these feeling he had would never fully go away.

— — —

“Hey lovies” Freddie rushed down the staircase to the classroom where all of his friends hung out.

There was a little chorus of ‘Hi Freddie’ as he put his bag down on the floor and tripped over, landing on Lenny.

“Watch yourself!” He laughed, helping Freddie to right himself and sit next to him.

Freddie had definitely found friends, and had already got to know them pretty well within the last two days.

They all sat around the room on top of tables, eating their lunch. George had brought snacks for them all to share, and so he was the most popular one for today.

David was sat right in the centre of the room, touching up his eyeliner underneath the dim glow of the lights. 

“Kate, get over here. I can’t do the whole cat-eye thing!” He complained, and Kate hopped off her table to go help her struggling friend.

“First off, it’s not even” She rolled her eyes playfully, trying to even out David’s mess of eyeliner. “Freddie, I’m gonna need your help.”

Freddie was recognised as a bit of a glam specialist, and so he was more than eager to help.

Freddie took the eyeliner pen, carefully lining David’s eyes while trying not to accidentally stab him. 

“Why don’t you just get your eyeliner tattooed on?” Freddie joked, but David looked at him as if he were crazy.

“Why would I-“

“Stop moving your head!”

“Sorry”

It was then that Freddie saw something very interesting.

Freddie always thought David’s eyes were different colours, but up close, he realised that they weren’t — One of his pupils seemed to be permanently dilated, and the other one wasn’t.

“David,” Freddie asked, trying to phrase his question in a non-offensive way, which failed. “What’s up with your eyes?”

“Basically,” He started, clapping his hands together. This was clearly a question he was asked a lot. “One of my pupils is paralysed, so it’s always massive and I can barely see out of it” He grinned. 

Freddie nodded. He thought it looked cool.

“We’re you born like that or-“

David laughed. “No, no, my dear. It was this one who did it.” He spun around and pointed accusingly at George. Lenny sniggered, clearly enjoying how red George went.

“I’ve apologised like 50 times!” He groaned, “Get over it!”

“...Do I want to know what happened?” Asked Freddie carefully.

“Yeah, this bastard punched me in the eye!” Laughed David, running over to George and playfully whacking him around the head.

“I’m sorry!” George squealed, whacking David back, until a ‘windmill of bones’ fight ensued.

“David tried to steal his girlfriend” Lenny sidled up to Freddie, filling him in one whatever he had missed out on. Freddie giggled at how David’s desire to date George’s girlfriend got him blinded in one eye — It should have been a serious matter, but it was so utterly ridiculous that nobody could hold in their laughter.

Kate rolled her eyes, trying to climb up onto a very unstable shelf to sit on it.

“Sometimes I think I’m the only sane one here” She laughed.

— — —

Roger sat in English all alone. Best of all, they were reading Romeo and Juliet, which didn’t help anything.

He felt like complete shit. All of his thoughts had arranged themselves now, and he may have started to regret what he said to Brian just a bit...

But he couldn’t go back now. It was done.

The blonde boy put his head down on the desk, wanting to hide forever. He’d had one shot at something good, and he’d messed it up. He’d done that a lot over the years. 

It sounded silly, but he had nobody to look after him now.

Then he saw someone sit down next to him.

“Hey Romeo” 

Jane.

Roger thought he could really make use of her company right now, just to take his mind off of shit.

“Hi Jane, you alright?”

“Are _you_ alright?” She asked, peering at him, “You look awful.”

Roger snorted. “Thanks”

“No, no, I mean, you look so tired and... sad”

She kind of knew what she was getting herself into. When you asked Roger what was wrong, you either got complete silence or a bottled-up monologue.

Today was the latter.

Roger sighed. “I-I’m sorry. I just feel like shit today. And I don’t think it’s gonna go away — I just feel like-“ Roger paused, not even sure what he felt in that moment, but it wasn’t a happy emotion as such.

Jane just looked at him sympathetically. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to talk about it, just know I’m here if you need me.”

Jesus, Roger really needed that.

“Thanks Jane” He gave her a really adorable smile that she had always loved seeing.

Jane was in a better place herself now, and so she could listen to Roger if he needed to talk to her, but she was still decidedly careful; This situation seemed weird and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to get too into it.

Obviously, she did it anyway.

— — —

After his talk with Brian, John has realised that there was something he had to do.

He needed to talk to Freddie about this, but he wasn’t sure how. Being pretty quiet anyway, this was going to be difficult.

John figured that he could catch Freddie just before period five started, if he hurried.

He still had a copy of his timetable, and so he left his own lesson and went down to Freddie’s music class.  
On the short walk, he rehearsed his little speech in his head, heart in his throat.

He hadn’t talked to Freddie for what seemed like a very, very long time, and he was terrified that it would be awkward.

As he saw Freddie emerge out of the classroom, he was just about to turn on his heel and leave when they caught eye contact. Neither of them looked away.

Freddie looked almost frightened as John walked up to him, and John felt the same way. God, they were such a mess.

John squeezed between the masses of people suddenly leaving their lessons, finally reaching Freddie.

“J-John?”

“I need to talk to you”

John stopped himself from grabbing Freddie’s arm to relocate them, and just allowed him to follow him down the hall. 

They ended up in a practice room together, where it was quiet. Alone.  
The old upright piano stood in the corner of the small room, slowly gathering dust. Bleak light fell in through the curtain-less window, soaking the pale, plain walls.

It was silent, apart from the draft of wind blowing gently through the piano, making it whistle, and breathing.

Freddie looked very caught off-guard, and waited for John to speak, looking completely bewildered, but with a soft expression on his face.

“I-I need to tell you something,” John started, “I do miss you.”

Freddie’s heart leapt, and a long held fear of losing John forever fell off of his shoulders. “Me too John! I-“

“I’m not finished,” Sighed John, “I want you to experiment lots before we get back together. My biggest fear is that you haven’t done that enough and you’ll realise too late that...” He trailed off.

“That I’m what?” Freddie’s smile had fallen. He had faith, but it wasn’t as simple as he’d hoped. 

John looked out of the window. “Explore your sexuality before you make a commitment to me, is all I’m saying.”

Freddie did feel a bit attacked with that, but he couldn’t blame John — Not after the incident with Cathy.

“Okay.” He replied quietly, “I’ll... do that. You don’t mind that?”

John looked back at Freddie, holding eye contact intensely. “Now is your chance to kiss people, fuck people, date people...” He swallowed. “And if you still love me by the end of it, then I can’t hold anything against you.”

John meant that. He wanted Freddie to be happy in the relationship they would have, and if that meant giving him free reign to explore for a while, then he was willing to do that.

Of course John just wanted Freddie for himself, and he would; he just had to be patient.

Freddie searched for any kind of sarcasm, but found none.

“I’ll always love you.” He said softly, and John allowed him to take his hand. They had both missed that even more than they’d realised.

“Just... do this, okay?” John said, “Experiment.”

Freddie nodded, swinging their joined hands back and forth for a moment before letting go.

It made sense why John wanted this, and Freddie thought that maybe it wasn’t a horrible idea; He’d like to explore his sexuality a bit before getting back with John. He’d never really had a chance to.

“Okay.” 

John smiled. “We’re still friends for now?”

Freddie couldn’t control his grin.

“I would adore that.”

They stayed in the sweet silence for a moment, just being in the presence of one another that they had so sorely missed. 

It would all be alright now.

— — —

“Brian?”

“Brian, are you fucking _asleep?”_

Brian lifted his head off of the desk, eyes bleary and blinking in the harsh light of the classroom.

David raised an eyebrow. “How tired are you?”

“Very” Groaned Brian. “Can’t wait for the weekend”

“Same” sighed David. School was a nightmare sometimes, and the national curriculum didn’t seem to realise that teenagers had personal issues to deal with, not just the masses of school work piled onto them.

Brian gave up trying to learn anything from that biology lesson. They were seated right at the back of the room, and the soft drum of chatter had lulled him to sleep.

After seeing how tired Brian actually was, David told him to go back to sleep, promising to wake him up if the teacher came over.

What a bloody good friend David was, thought Brian. They should hang out more often.

He rested his head on the desk again, allowing the stillness to drag him under again. He could feel the vibrations from David’s pen scratching on the table.

It was always the moment right before Brian fell into the void of sleep that everything just seemed alright, no matter what was going on.

He missed Roger hugely. He missed all of his friends that he was suddenly no longer close with. He and Roger had fallen out, and Freddie and John had fallen out.

It was a mess and it hurt.

But all he had to do right now was sleep, and he could do that.

— — —

Roger sat on the bus home, with Jane next to him. 

It was a bit awkward as Brian had got on after them, but hurried away upstairs to avoid being near each other.

“What’s up with Brian?” Asked Jane quietly.

“Oh, nothing” Roger replied, brushing it off, “I don’t know.”

Roger liked Jane’s company, as she was a familiar face to ground him during times when he felt as though he was spiralling off. She knew him better than most, although not as well as Brian.

She asked him how his day went, which was something he didn’t hear often.

Jane ended up playing with Roger’s hair, and he really liked that. He’d never admitted it, but he loved people playing with his hair.

It was nice being able to do that on a bus without people staring.

“Ow!” Roger laughed as her fingers caught on the third knot.

“I’m sorry! I’ll be gentle!” She grinned, trying to brush away the knots with her fingers. “Do you ever brush your hair?”

Roger got thrown back to that morning where Brian brushed his hair for him.

He missed that.

“Here’s my stop” He muttered, grabbing his bag and curtly getting off the bus. 

Jane sat there, confused as heck at his sudden change of mood.

Huh. Mood swings.

Roger hurried down his road alone, just wanting to get home — But also not at the same time.

More thoughts were whirring around his head at a million miles per hour like a hurricane, and he was slowly but surely losing control.

A panic attack was really not what he needed right now.

Thankfully, nobody was home when he got in, and he ran straight up to his bedroom. 

He slammed the door, and cried.

He hated this whole situation. He needed Brian, he really needed him, and he’d gone and fucked it up.

He still didn’t want to _be_ with him in that sense, but he missed his friend — So much.

The sky darkened as he lay on his floor, curled up in a little ball, just wanting anybody’s arms around him.

— — —

Freddie had never told any of his new friends about his situation with John — he didn’t need to, it didn’t matter when he was with them.

He and David walked to the bus stop, (Freddie still had no idea how the other three got home) and they discussed the upcoming weekend. Freddie suggested that they met up tomorrow, and David gave him his address.

Freddie had been trying to figure out where he lived for ages, but it turned out his house was actually really close.

David didn’t usually get the bus, but he had started doing so since he met Freddie. They both liked the company.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Freddie asked. He felt like a primary school kid going on a play date, wanting to plan all the exciting things they would do. “Can we go to the mansion in the forest?”

David nodded, “I’d love that! Come round to mine first because I want to show you my record collection.”

Freddie really liked the sound of that.

They had become such good friends so quickly, and though Freddie still thought David was unexplainably secretive, he was so grateful for his company.

Freddie was a bit worried, as he had a pattern of getting really close with individuals, and then it all going up in flames. _John, Cathy._ But he didn’t think that would happen with David, somehow. They were friends in a different way.

— — —

John sat in the kitchen, helping his sister with her homework.

Long division was really testing his brain now, and it never usually did.

John was feeling a few emotions.

He was over the moon that Freddie had agreed to his crazy plan, and that they had a chance of getting back together, but he was also terrified.

What if it turned out Freddie didn’t like boys?

Then what would he do? He would have just let Freddie go.

However, he was glad that they could be friends now at least, and he could only hope that Freddie would still love him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like this one

Roger was up before everyone else that morning, as per usual.

His mum, dad and sister had come home around 8-9pm the day before, but Roger had been asleep by then.

He’d cried all of last night, until he eventually passed out on the floor, where he was lying now.

It was uncomfortable, and his back really hurt as a result, but he didn’t care about that.

He dragged his aching body downstairs and made some breakfast. 

He stared out of the window while eating a piece of toast, squinting in the pale light. 

He had no plans for today, he had nothing to do. He may as well just not exist. It wouldn’t impact anyone.

He meant nothing.

He needed someone, anyone.

He’d had Jane, but he’d blown that up. Then he’d had Brian, but he’d blown that up too. And then he’d nearly had Jane again, but he was pretty sure he’d blown that once again.

Where were Freddie and John? Why hadn’t they talked in such a long time?

He missed them all, and he wanted them all back together.

 _Then_ he could be happy.

“Roger! Get up here!” 

Roger flinched as he heard his father’s voice cut through the silence at the top of the stairs.

Roger hurried up the stairs, not wanting to get on the wrong side of him again.

“Why is your room such a mess?” He demanded, surprisingly angered having just woken up.

“I’m sorry” Roger mumbled. He’d learned just to surrender, no matter how irrational his father was being.

He felt eyes burn into the back of his head as he walked into his room.

Roger dared to mutter “Good morning to you too” rather sarcastically, though it came out louder than he expected.

Shit.

Roger felt his father fall silent behind him, and braced himself for the slap that would surely be delivered to the back of his head, followed by screams of ‘Do not talk to me like that!’

But funnily enough, that didn’t happen.

Roger turned around cautiously and was suddenly shocked to find his dad looking at him with a soft expression on his face.

“I-I’m sorry son,” He said, smiling sadly, “Good morning.”

Roger nodded, slowly backing into his room and trying to keep himself from falling over out of sheer shock.

What was that? That had never happened. 

His dad just let him off the hook and... apologised?

Roger sat down on the floor, smiling faintly. Maybe today wouldn’t be so horrible.

— — —

“How the fuck-“

“Stop swearing! You’re such a bad influence!”

“Bad influence? When was the last time you got A’s in every subject?”

John was sat in front of his mirror with his little sister. She was trying to teach him how to braid his hair, which was something he wanted to do on a whim.

“You’re doing it wrong!” She laughed. “You have to put that bit of hair under that one”

“Which one?”

 _”That_ one!”

John was hopeless at this, and even though he knew he’d never really have to know how to plait hair, he still wanted to accomplish it in that moment.

— — —

It was about three in the afternoon when Freddie was finished with all of his homework. To be fair, he had woken up at around midday, and so he’d been working on it for two and a half hours.

He threw his papers down, a triumphant smile on his face.

Now he could get on with his day.

Freddie cursed himself quietly as he realised he hadn’t written David’s a dress down anywhere. He’d probably have to phone him — He’d be in the telephone directory.

He went downstairs, making some tea for his parents before digging out the big book of local phone numbers.

He opened it on the table, going through all the letters. He knew there would be a lot of Jones’ in the directory, but he would have a look anyway.

Jameson...

Jersey...

Johnson...

Jones!

He ran his finger down the worn out page. It turned out there were only two Jones families in Feltham, which was a real surprise seeing as it was a fairly common last name.

There was either John Jones, or Tahala Jones; Freddie went for John.

He entered the number into the phone and it rang a couple of times.

He stood there, waiting. Freddie had always hated accidentally getting the wrong number, he thought it very embarrassing.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice answered. She sounded a lot like David; probably his mum.

Freddie snapped out of his daydream. “H-Hello? Is this the Jones family?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Could I please speak with your son?” He asked hopefully.

“Which one?”

David had siblings?

“Uhh... David, please. I’m a friend from school.”

“One second, dear.”

Freddie tried to suppress a laugh as he heard David’s mother scream up the stairs.

“DAVID?! PHONES FOR YOU!” 

It reminded him of what John’s mum did when Freddie called.

He heard a small distant ‘Alright! Coming!’ followed by a thunder of footsteps on the stairs. 

Soon, the receiver was picked up again, and David’s voice came though.

“Hellooo? Is this Fred by any chance?”

“Who else would it be?” Freddie smiled. “You never told me you had siblings!”

David laughed. “Yeah, one brother and two sisters.”

“What? You never tell me-“

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist!We haven’t even known each other that long!”

“Well I expect you to tell me everything later”

“Fine!” David’s smile could be heard in his tone. “Thank god you’ve called though, you’re now my excuse not to do my Chemistry homework!”

Freddie laughed. “I forgot your address, can you give-“

“Stay right where you are, I’ll come pick you up at your house.”

“Are you sure? Is it far for you to walk?”

“No, it’s only a few minutes.”

And with that, the line went dead; quite literally leaving no room for arguments.

“Are you going out, Farrokh?” Freddie’s mum called from the other room.

“In a bit, yes. Is that alright?”

“Yes of course, just tell me next time, I was worried last week.”

“Sorry mama”

By the time Freddie had put the directory back on the shelf, and cleared a few plates from the table, his doorbell rang.

That was fast!

“Hello, forest spirit!” Freddie flung open the door, revealing a grinning David. He was dressed very fashionably, with his red hair neatly brushed into place and his eyeliner finally balanced.

“I told you it was only a few minutes, didn’t I?”

“Yes, yes, you did” Freddie rolled his eyes playfully, stepping out of the door and following David back to his house. 

The walk was very short, and Freddie had probably walked it before as it was just around a few corners.

“I love your shoes.” Freddie commented, pointing to David’s royal blue shoes with a red flame design.

“Thanks, my mum hates them.” He laughed. “She accepts my strange fashion sense, but by no means likes it.”

Freddie nodded. “Every day I empathise with you more and more.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it? Finding someone like you.” David mused, grinning at Freddie. “In fact, I’ll show you my most outrageous item of clothing that I only wear when I _really_ want to piss off my family.”

Freddie liked the sound of that.

— — —

Brian had decided to write a song.

He had so many thoughts in his head, and really needed to create an outlet for them, and so he sat down on his bed with his guitar, softly strumming a few chords.

It was four or so in the afternoon, and Brian was very bored. What else did he have to do? His room was quiet, and his eyes kept traveling to that spot on the bed where Roger had sat ages ago.

He really needed to get him out of his head.

He started scribbling notes of lyrics down on a bit of paper. He supposed it was about Roger, as he had been occupying his mind a lot recently.

Brian wrote the song thinking about how Roger had always been a brother to him, and now he had to let him be free, even though he loved him.

Straight out of a romantic-comedy, gosh.

_There ain't no use in pretending..._

_I know that I'll never hold you, but you know that you've gotta be free..._

_Sail away sweet brother, back to my arms again..._

Brian sighed. He was gonna have to change that to _sister_ if he ever played it for anyone. Also, it sounded kind of... incestuous. 

Brian didn't have any actual siblings, and so it wasn't too weird.

Then he started trying to arrange his lyrics to make an actual song.

_Listen my love you're changing,  
Love are you feeling sore?  
There ain't no use in pretending,  
You don't want to play no more..._

It would need tweaking, but it was a start, and Brian's thoughts were feeling more organised.

— — —

Roger was getting lonely, and it wasn't like he had any friends to keep him company. It really sucked.

He could call John or Freddie, as they were technically still friends, but then again, they had drifted apart.

Luckily, being at home want a complete nightmare that day, and so Roger could do it. He mostly just sat around watching TV like he did when he was home alone.

Roger had always liked being home alone, as he could sing as loud as he liked, and there would be nobody there to judge him or tell him to shut up.

However, his family moved around him as they usually did. Making lunch, doing work, and his sister joined him on the sofa for a short while.

“Roger, are you actually going to do anything today?” His mum called from the kitchen. “You’ve been sat there all day!”

Roger shook his head, smiling and snuggling further into his fluffy blanket. “I’m quite happy here”

She chuckled to herself. It was nice to see Roger happy, they all had to admit.

— — —

“Whats this one?” Freddie picked up a strange looking record that David had under his bed. “I’ve never seen it before.”

“Let me see?” David crawled over, peering at the cover, before shrugging. “Don’t remember seeing it before, put it on the player”

David’s room was something to admire. There were colourful fabrics hanging from the walls and ceiling, coloured lights here and there, and more records than you could shake a stick at.

The floor was a little messy with papers, loose vinyls, and clothes, so Freddie was helping David pick up all the vinyls and put them away so they didn’t get trodden on.

“I don’t remember seeing this one either” Mused David. He obviously had a lot of vinyl that he probably just found here and there.

He went back to inspecting his hair in the large mirror on the wall when Freddie got his attention again.

“Can I see that outrageous outfit you were talking about?” Freddie asked, an excited glint in his eye.

David grinned, going to his wardrobe and pulling out the most camp but beautiful jacket Freddie had ever seen.

It was bright turquoise, with different shades of blue feathers layered to make a thick material, and the inside was made of red silk.

“Oh my Lord!” Freddie gasped, “It’s beautiful!”

“I should wear it to school” David laughed, “That would go down really well.”

“I would!” Freddie said, “I’d wear that every day!”

“Want to try it on?”

“Fuck yes!”

Freddie stood in front of the mirror under the coloured lights with this beautiful jacket on.

“You look a picture, mr Bulsara” David smiled.

And he did. The lights caught his dark hair, reflecting even more off of the mirror, and the jacket managed to match his outfit perfectly with no pre-planning. He had also picked up a pair of blue studded sunglasses that were hanging off of the mirror.

He looked like the cover of a fashion magazine.

“Stay still” David suddenly said, rooting around in one of his drawers. “Don’t move.”

Freddie did as he was told, a little confused.

Then David produced a small Polaroid camera out of the drawer, and Freddie knew what was coming next.

“Pose, my beauty!” David shrieked, throwing one arm in the air and clicking the camera with the other.

Freddie did the most outrageous pose he could, and the black photo came out of the camera.

Both boys stood in the middle of the room, with Freddie still in full attire, struggling to see through the sunglasses, waiting for the photo to develop.

After about a minute, the colour began to appear.

“Hope you don’t mind me saying this,” Commented David, “But you really are quite good-looking.”

“Why thank you!” Freddie was flattered, “You’re not so bad yourself!”

David rolled his eyes, shaking he photograph out and handing it to Freddie.

“Put that somewhere for all to see” He smiled. “My photography skills are immense.”

— — —

Brian had completely powered through his song, and had written up to the second chorus. It was nice doing these things in the moment and having fun with them.

When he sang it, he subconsciously faced that part of the bed where Roger had sat, making eye contact with nothing.

He wanted to play it for Roger.

But he couldn’t.

What did it even matter? He was being so silly, he wouldn’t see Roger again after they left school, he’d wrecked their friendship, and it was all done now; it didn’t matter anymore.

So why did he feel so in love yet so broken?

Had Roger felt the same as he had?

A wave of worry washed over him; Brian knew that, no matter how much the other man denied it, Roger needed him. Brian was probably the person who knew him best, and knew best how to handle him.

Why couldn’t they have just left it at that?

Brian sighed, putting him guitar down finally.

His fingers hurt, his legs hurt, his head hurt. He wanted to sleep, but for some reason the very idea terrified him. He hated sleeping alone, knowing there was no way he could have changed the situation and got Roger back there with him.

That was the 

— — —

A while later, Freddie and David decided to go to the abandoned mansion, as Freddie desperately wanted to see it again. David had a cassette player, and brought that along so they they could play music while they were there.

They left the house and realised that it was dark outside. It wasn’t that late, but I suppose winter is weird like that.

They walked through the woods, still with those undertones of fear about getting mugged, but comfortable in each other’s presence.

It was pretty cold, and the far away street lamps were the only thing lightning their way as they stumbled through the woods, holding their coats close to their bodies.

“Imagine if it was just gone when we got there, like it was just a field” Mused David, “And we had just been seeing things?”

“What?” Freddie squinted at him, unable to control a small laugh.

He was later to learn that being cold was the equivalent to being high for David.

The air was crisp and oddly lethargic at the same time. Freddie liked it.

They eventually arrived, and David pushed open the large oak door.

“Welcome come, _honey”_ The red-haired boy teased, pressing play on the cassette player .

“What song is this?” Freddie asked, walking halfway up the grand staircase and sliding down the banister.

“Fuck knows!” Laughed David.

David ended up showing Freddie all the places in the house he and his friends had stayed.

They ended up in a beautiful drawing room. It had obviously been slightly trashed by the local youth, but it was still pretty, and a lot of things were still in there.

It was dark, and the torch they had brought lit up the specs of dust in the air, floating around them like halos of the damned.

Freddie sat down on the old floral sofa, making the springs creaked underneath him. He put his feet up, looking around the room, until he saw David shining the torch at him, smirking.

“What?”

“I had my first time on that sofa” He shrugged, giggling.

“Ew!” Freddie jumped up, standing as far away from the sofa as he could, backing out against a closet. “Don’t tell me that!”

“...And against that closet-“

“Stop it!” Freddie couldn’t hold back a laugh as he chased David out of the room, trying to catch him with no real thought of what he would do afterwards.

“I’ve done it everywhere in this house!” Called David teasingly, running away faster than Freddie could catch up.

Eventually, they got tired and sat together on the big staircase. They were near the top, looking down on the beautiful hallway like kings. 

“So... I hate to ask, but who was your first time?” Asked Freddie, seeing as whoever it was had supposedly done it all over the house.

“Um...” David wasn’t sure if he should share it, really. He did trust Freddie to an extent, but would he be risking everything?

Finally, he cleared his throat and mumbled, “Just a guy last year.” 

Freddie’s eyebrows shot up. He had his suspicions that David liked boys, but he was still surprised to hear it. 

David looked embarrassed at Freddie’s reaction, and the dark-haired boy cursed himself. He realised that he must’ve looked judgemental, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“I-I like boys” Freddie blurted out, not thinking about how weird that sounded to just say it like that. “I mean... I’m not judging you so...”

A smile crept across David’s face. “Oh thank god! I thought you were gonna go home and tell my mum!”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Freddie said. “Do you like both genders or...”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I-I like it all, really. I’ve shagged boys, girls, everyone in between.”

“That’s cool” Freddie couldn’t stop himself from saying. He was so lucky that David felt happy to share that with him.

Knowing David was like peeling back the layers of an onion; He was more secretive than one would think.

“You’re a cool guy, Fred” David smiled. “It takes a lot to find friends like you.”

Freddie blushed. He hadn’t heard someone state their appreciation for him in a while. “David, that’s so sweet...” 

They looked at each other, just happy and comfortable. It _did_ take a lot to find friends like these.

The torch next to them was the only hint of light in the dark building. David has expressed his wish earlier to hang some fairy lights up, which Freddie liked the sound of.

A soft wind blew up the stairs, leaving them a little chilly, but nobody was complaining.

The way the light hit meant that Freddie was only able to see David’s face. The torch had a warm glow to it, and Freddie took that opportunity really notice his face for the first time. He knew what he looked like, of course, but he was quite wonderful up close too.

“You have nice eyelashes” Freddie giggled quietly, while the other batted said eyelashes at him playfully.

“They’re loaded with mascara, really.” He shrugged. “There’s nothing there without makeup”

“I’d like to see you without makeup” Freddie said simply. “I’ve wondered what you look like”

“I look like this, but with no eyes” David laughed. “And if you saw me with no makeup, you wouldn’t really be seeing me at all, would you?”

Freddie pondered on that for a moment. David was right; He was so theatrical and enigmatic that it would be strange seeing him like everyone else.

Freddie went to say something else, but was stopped before he could.

Suddenly, Freddie got caught completely off guard as he felt David press his lips to Freddie’s. It all happened so suddenly, and it was probably the last thing either of them were expecting.

Spur of the moment, am I right?

Freddie smiled slightly, kissing him back for a moment, before they broke apart.

The whole thing lasted about 3 seconds; And Freddie felt about as shocked as David looked. His eyes were wide, and he had the funniest look of confusion on his face.

The minute they made eye contact again, they simultaneously burst out laughing.

“Why the.... why did I-“ David wheezed. “I’m so sorry!”

Freddie shook his head. “No no, I get it, I’m irresistible”

“Shut up! The cold makes me do weird shit!”

Freddie put his arm around his friend, giving him a brief hug. “Just to be clear, I-I don’t like you _like that_ or-“

“No! Me neither!” David shrieked, throwing his hands in the air. “Fucking spur of the moment I-“

Freddie gave him a gentle shove, putting his hand to his chest in mock-offence. “Bitch! I thought we were gonna get married!”

David shoved him back, unable to contain another fit of laughter.

They walked home, still giggling. It wasn’t awkward or wistful in any way.

“You’re a good kisser, by the way” David said nonchalantly.

“Why thank you! All my lovers tell me that.” Freddie said dramatically, swinging around a lamppost.

“I feel so used!” David laughed sarcastically. “I’m just another one of your bitches...”

“No, you’re not.” Freddie grabbed his arm, pulling them to a stop. His face had a hint of playfulness, but he had a more earnest look. “You’re my best friend.”

David threw his arms around him, trying to hide how happy he felt in that moment.

Freddie had been what he’d been searching for. They hadn’t known each other for long, but they certainly made an iconic duo.

Hm...

So this was what experimenting was.

Freddie smiled. It had been fun, but he felt no need to continue with it.

Freddie now knew he liked kissing boys.

 _Only_ boys.

Or more importantly, John.

He needed his John back now.


	16. Chapter 16

Freddie had walked home that night with a big smile on his face. 

He had brilliant friends, and was now ready to get his boyfriend back. 

This whole journey had been a messy one but he wouldn’t change it. He had found himself in a way.

“You’re all smiley” His father commented as Freddie walked in. “What happened?”

“Oh, nothing” Freddie smiled, swinging on the bannister before going up the stairs.

He sat on his bed and immediately started planning what he would say to John.

“Hey John, I did what you asked and...”

No.

“John, I love you and I think we should...”

No.

Freddie figured he would tell David about it the next day, and ask him on what to do.

— — —

The next morning, Roger got up later than usual, and things were still as they were.

He had breakfast with his family before rushing off to get ready and leave for school.

“Bye!” He called as he shut the door, allowing the horrid cold air to hit him. He wanted to go back into the warm, but he had to get to school.

As he stood at the bus stop, he heard footsteps approach him, and then stop at least 4 metres away.

Roger snuck a glance to the side.

Shit.

Brian.

Roger’s eyes went wide. He didn’t want to have to talk to Brian, or he anywhere near him for that matter.

He could sense the awkwardness between them both, and thank god there were a few more students there.

The wind blew strongly and Roger got a massive waft of Brian’s sweet scent. That certainly didn’t help anything.

Brian started at the floor. 

As if by magic, Jane appeared next to Roger.

“Jane!” Roger said over-enthusiastically. “Good morning!”

She looked a little taken aback, but it was worth it for the confused expression on Brian’s face. Roger had to show him he’d moved on.

“Hi Roger” She smiled, “You... alright?”

Roger grinned at her, moving a little closer. “You’re looking rather gorgeous today” 

She blushed, “Oh Rog... stop that!”

He only continued with his teasing, loving how her glossy hair hid her face when she looked down.

“I mean it”

“Well... thank you” 

Brian was seething, but he tried not to show it. First Roger completely ditches him, and then he proceeds to try and make him jealous? Jealous of what? His inability to have a stable relationship.

Brian was also worried for Roger. He had nobody now, and Roger always needed someone.

The bus ride was positively painful. Roger just sat at the back, flirting with poor unsuspecting Jane, and Brian sat a few seats in front of them, trying to block them out and focus on his physics homework.

Brian was straight off the bus as soon as it pulled in to the bus station. He sped off ahead of Roger, not wanting to be near him another minute.

He rushed into the school building, pushed his way into the toilets, locked a stall door and cried.

He didn’t care who could hear him, he was a mess right now and needed to let it out. 

The cheap, harsh lights blared down on him, shaming him, laughing at him. He wanted to disappear.

The room was silent, apart from the sound of Brian’s sobs. He held onto the door so that his legs didn’t give up on him. He felt weak, physically and emotionally; and he felt so used.

He hadn’t even fucked up, this wasn’t his fault! Yet he seemed to be bearing the bulk of it.

Suddenly, a soft knock sounded on the door.

“Are you alright in there?”

Brian couldn’t place who the voice was, or how they even got in without making noise. Whoever it was, they were from Liverpool, judging by the accent.

He cleared his throat, voice still thick with tears. “Um... yeah”

“No you’re not. Can you open the door?”

Brian sighed. Why would he let some stranger see him crying?

Well, it wasn’t as if he had anyone else.

Brian grudgingly opened the door, and found a boy standing there, about a head shorter than he was. He had thick, dark hair with a fringe so low it almost covered his eyes; though his eyebrows were visible, and they were magnificent.

“Hello” He said, looking up. He probably didn’t expect Brian to be this tall. “Wanna talk?”

Brian nodded pathetically. God he wanted to talk.

“I-I’m Brian” He said, “I promise I’m not as much of a weed as I must appear right now” 

“You’re not a weed, you just have emotions like the rest of us.” The boy shrugged. “I’m George”

The pair sat by the sinks, and Brian tried to talk to him about the situation without mentioning Roger. 

It was then that he realised how many people he had spilled this to.

Freddie, John, David. Now this random guy?

All these people, yet he still hadn’t fixed it?

“So, it sounds like this person is trying to make you jealous.” George said. “Either ignore it, talk to them, or set them on fire”

The last phrase made Brian giggle. “Set them on fire?”

“Yeah” George laughed. “It’s worked for me every time.”

Brian figured that he would ignore Roger for now, and talk to him if he ever needed to. He could sort this out.

— — —

Freddie was in his own little world. He was wondering down the hall to meet David and his friends in their hangout spot.

His mind was just elsewhere. He figured that he would go and find John in a few days, as not to seem too creepy, although he was more than eager just to get his man back.

“Fred?”

Freddie turned around to see John coming towards him from down the corridor.

Well, that plan went down the drain pretty quickly.

“Hello!” Freddie called. He was still getting used to this whole ‘just friends for now’ thing. “Are you alright?”

John nodded, slightly red in the face. “It a long walk from my house.”

Freddie nodded, changing direction while walking alongside John. He would go and find his friends later.

They made small talk, just walking down the corridor side by side.

Freddie had to do it now.

Freddie subtly pulled them into an empty classroom. “I need to talk to you again.” 

John nodded, looking around him a little awkwardly, wringing his hands. He seemed to know what was coming.

“That was fast.” He chuckled. “How many people did you get with?”

“One.” Freddie smiled. “And now all I want is you.”

— — —

After that morning, Roger stopped trying to rub it in with Brian. He noticed that the older boy was completely ignoring him in all of his classes, no matter how much he flirted with other people. 

He sighed, placing his head on the desk, just feeling so tired and fed up.

He wasn’t done, though. He had to make him as jealous as he could. Roger didn’t know why he wanted to do this; Brian didn’t deserve this at all, but it was just... instinct.

He wasn’t going to accept his mistakes and move on. He had to get over Brian.

He had liked him more than anyone else, and that made him scared.

Roger knew what he had to do now. 

He had done it many times before.

— — —

“Where the hell is Fred?” Lenny asked, stuffing his face with some chips that George had smuggled from the canteen. 

George had only just turned up, after apparently going on a ‘rescue mission’. 

“God knows,” Kate shrugged, “He’s usually here by now.”

“He does have other friends, you know” David chuckled, rolling his eyes, “He’s probably with them”

“I feel quite betrayed!” George said in mock-offence, “How dare he!”

“How dare he indeed. There’s nobody to fix my mess of eyeliner” David shrugged.

“I can do it-“

“No!”

There was a moment of silence in which the only sound was Lenny’s munching and   
A moment of silence pursued before David thought of something. A sly grin crept across his face.

Every single person in that room knew what that grin meant.

“What?” Lenny asked, knowing that look all to well. “You have tea, don’t you?”

David shrugged teasingly, “Maybe.” 

“Spill!” George and Kate said almost simultaneously, crawling forward to where David was sat. 

“Okay, so last night, I went to the forest mansion with Fred.” David explained, his friends watching him closely. 

“And?” Kate prompted impatiently.

“Aaaand we kissed” David shrieked, bringing his hands up to cover his face in sudden self-consciousness. He laughed at the sight of his friends’ shocked faces, staring at him, gobsmacked.

“What?!” Lenny finally said, shocked expression melting into a grin. 

Kate couldn’t hold back her questioning. “Do you think it meant something or-“ 

“Oh god no!” David waved his arms about dismissively. “No it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing! Plus, I have a feeling he likes someone else at the moment”

George nodded, taking it all in.

“Wow David. You cant spend more than twelve seconds with somebody before snogging their face off, can you?”

David laughed, lifting his hands in surrender.

“Not proud, but true.”

Just then, the door opened, and in walked Freddie.

“Fred!” They all said a bit too loudly, trying to make it seem as though he hadn’t just been the subject of their gossip.

Then they spotted somebody walk in shyly behind Freddie, holding his hand.

— — —

A little to his embarrassment, Brian had wandered around all of lunch time trying to find that lovely boy from earlier. 

He couldn’t find anyone — not even John.

Freddie, David, John, George, anyone he could think of was nowhere to be seen. To be fair, David didn’t ever make any kind of appearance during lunch unless he felt like it.

Brian sighed, sitting down at a table alone and getting out his lunch. He figured that he would just eat and then wander around the school, encased in his own thoughts.

Brian hated living like this.

He needed someone, _anyone._

It seemed that people would come into his life and then just waltz out again, leaving him alone again.

This loneliness just followed him everywhere; it was the only thing that didn’t seem to leave.

Maybe he could make some new friends?

They’d just leave.

Brian couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. What was so awful about him that meant nobody wanted to stick with him? Was he too possessive?

If he was being totally honest, totally, completely honest, he wanted Roger.

He didn’t want to continue with these thoughts, but Roger just understood more about him than Brian could even himself.

They were quite perfect, but now Roger was gone; except for the horrible taunting he deemed to be so necessary.

Just then, Brian made the mistake of looking up and seeing that exact blonde boy walk across the canteen, followed by three pretty girls.

Brian felt sick again.

Roger hadn’t even looked at him, but it was just the way he laughed with these girls, obviously checking them out.

Brian was the only person in that whole school that could see past that smile.

He could see that he was hurting.

Brian got up and went straight to the library. He didn’t have any desire to be further associated with this situation.

He couldn’t help Roger now, and he couldn’t help himself by staring at him.

— — —

“Our Fred has got himself a nice man!” Lenny shouted gleefully, shoving Freddie’s shoulder playfully.

David, Freddie, George, Lenny, and Kate all sat in a circle in their little hangout room, with John sat next to Freddie.

“We’ve literally just got back together!” John replied, “Steady on!”

“Oh love, there’s no going steady with Lenny!” Freddie laughed.

The whole mood was happy and warm. John has come and met the group and it was pretty clear he was destined to be a part of it. He and George were getting on like a house on fire.

“...And then you adjust the pitch with the tuners” George was fighting for John’s attention, trying to tell him about this magical instrument he had discovered on a recent family holiday.

“That sounds so cool, but... what would you even play on it?” John asked him.

“It’s like a guitar, and so you can do solos, but it sounds more... interesting. You can also do drones”

David let out an exasperated sigh. “Jesus George! Don’t scare poor John off with your crazy sitar talk right away!”

“Sitar?” Freddie’s ears pricked up. “Oh my grandma used to have one of those! I would sometimes sneak into her music room and play with it when she wasn’t in!”

 _”What?!”_ George reached over John, grabbing onto Freddie’s arm. “How did she... tell me!”

“I spent most of my childhood in India” Freddie shrugged, earning flabbergasted looks from everyone but John, who already knew.

“Um... this is news!” Kate laughed. “You should really tell us these things!”

“Didn’t cross my mind” Freddie said simply, randomly pulling John onto his lap and pointing at him. “This one knows, of course”

“I mean we haven’t known you _that_ long, but still!” David gasped.

“Oh come on!” Freddie rolled his eyes, pulling John closer to him, taking advantage of the lack of judgement. “There must be stuff I don’t know about you guys!”

David looked deep in thought for a moment. “Well, like... there’s shit you just gotta discover I guess.” He looked around a little awkwardly, playing with his hands, before George came to the rescue.

“I’ve got one!” He announced. “Did you know that Lenny’s real name is John?”

Everyone seemed to know that apart from Freddie, who’s eyes went wide.

“What? You never-“

“It didn’t cross my mind!” Lenny teased, repeating Freddie’s words from earlier.

“Where did Lenny come from, then?”

“I thought John sounded too plain-“ He stopped, “Oh... no offence John”

“I wholeheartedly agree” chuckled John. Freddie wrapped his arms around him protectively.

“...And then David gave me that nickname because it sounded a little like my last name”

Freddie shrugged. “Fair enough”

John giggled. He adored the funny dynamic of this group, and was more than happy to hang out with them now.

George and Lenny went skipping off to some kind of band practice they had, David had a nap, and Kate took to practically interviewing John and Freddie about their relationship.

Then something hit Freddie like a truck.

He hadn’t thought about his old group in a while. 

Remember when he used to hang out with John, Roger, and Brian? Those days seemed long gone.

And Freddie wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

— — — 

The evening sky loomed down on Roger as he approached his home. He could tell something was off the minute he approached the building.

Roger’s hand lingered on the doorknob of his house. He could hear noise inside, and his father’s car was parked in the driveway.

Shit.

Roger didn’t have anywhere to go, and so he just went inside and straight up the stairs to his room, trying hard to block out the screaming coming from the kitchen.

He tried to find his sister, but she had left a note on her bed explaining that she had left for a friends house.

Smart choice, but it left Roger alone.

He was scared.

He shouldn’t be, really, after putting up with this for years, but he still flinched whenever somebody moved too fast.

He went and curled up on his bed, wrapping his arms around his knees.

Cold, alone, afraid.

A sudden clatter of crockery from the room below him suddenly made his body go into panic mode. He was struggling to breathe, and though the dim evening light of his bedroom was calming, black spots began to form in his vision.

Why was this happening? Why now of all times?

Because he couldn’t call anyone.

Roger hugged his knees tighter as he felt his body slowly shut off from the world, causing him to lie of his side, gasping for air, unable to see, hear, or even scream.

And there was nobody there.

He tried to calm himself down to at least go out into the hall to use the phone. But who would he even call?

Roger felt hot tears burn down his cheeks and onto the bedsheets as he felt every room in the house tighten and close around him, squeezing the life out of him, piling up roughly, laughing. 

Though those walls held him tighter than anyone else would at the moment.

He tried to breathe as Brian had shown him years ago when he first started having panic attacks, but Roger was sure it was slowly killing him every time he tried. He couldn’t think of Brian right now.

All of this was going to kill him.

After what seemed like hours, he had finally cried himself senseless, and his vision was slowly coming back.

He had worn himself out, and was coming back to cold, hard reality.

How sad.

All Roger could remember was opening his eyes for a moment or two, looking around the dark space of his room, taking in every line and every sound, before falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

The last thing he heard was the door slamming his mother crying.

Roger wanted to help her, but it would be nothing more than the blind leading the blind.

A horrible part of his mind thanked the lord that it wasn’t him. He couldn’t deal with that tonight.

— — —

Freddie opened the front door, yelling a quick “I’m home!” Before making for the stairs.

However, his mum stopped him.

“Freddie, we have guests coming for dinner in an hour or so. You’ll come and sit with us, won’t you?”

“Of course” Freddie said, pausing on the stairs, “Who is it?”

“Oh, you know them,” She smiled “It’s the family down the road. You know their daughter... what’s her name? Cathy?”

Fuck.

Freddie managed a brief nod before running up to his room and hiding behind the door.

 _Shit!_

Cathy was coming over for dinner, and her and Freddie were probably expected to interact.

They hadn’t so much as looked at one another since the incident with the kiss, and to think they had been so close before that.

Freddie hid his face in his hands, letting out a quiet groan. This was not destined to go well.

Freddie wanted to call John and talk about it, but there were two reasons why that wasn’t an option.

1\. The only phone was downstairs in the living room where all of Freddie’s family could overhear the drama.

2\. The whole thing with Cathy was still a pretty touchy subject between Freddie and John.

Anyway, things weren’t looking too great for Freddie at the moment, but he had to focus on the positives — He had John back.

Freddie just managed to get a new set of clothes on and brush his hair before the doorbell rang.

Panic shot through him as his father opened the door. He’d have to go downstairs.

Freddie appeared gingerly at the top of the stairs, shrouded in the darkness, silently judging the situation. Cathy stood with her parents looking happy enough.

Finally, he grew some balls and started slowly walking down the stairs. He kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground.

“Hello” He mumbled.

“Oh hello Freddie!” Cathy’s mother greeted him politely. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”

Freddie smiled politely, flickering his eyes up for a split second to give an acknowledging nod. Cathy had gone completely silent, along with everyone else.

There was an awkward shuffle of feet before Freddie’s mother saved them all.

“Let’s sit down!”

Cheers of agreement followed and both families went and sat down at the table. Freddie stayed close to his sister, Kash. At least then he’d have someone to talk to.

Freddie’s mum seemed to sense there was something off with Freddie, and so she didn’t push him to interact, but Cathy’s dad had other plans.

“So, Freddie” He started as they all nibbled at starters, “You and my Cathy go to the same school, right?”

Freddie felt his body tense, and suddenly everyone was looking towards him, even the warm lights that had now somehow turned cold.

“Uh... yes,” He smiled politely, looking up for a moment to see Cathy looking at him, “we Get the same bus too.”

Whenever Freddie caught a glimpse of her sunny blonde hair or flowy pastel clothing, he just felt progressively worse.

“Oh that’s lovely!” Freddie’s father commented. “You must see a lot of each other, I suppose”

Freddie nodded quickly. It shouldn’t have been this awkward, yet it was.

The teenagers shut up completely during the main meal, only speaking when spoken to. What a cliche.

Kash soon began talking to Cathy about various different girly things, and Freddie quite frankly felt betrayed. Well, what did poor Kash know anyway?

The low drum of chatter soon became a background for Freddie’s thoughts as he zoned off into his own little world.

It wasn’t _too_ bad, really. He was being dramatic.

He just had to sit here and wait for the meal to end.

That was it!

(It wasn’t)

Everyone was just about finishing and chatting, when Cathy spoke again.

“Could I use your bathroom, Mrs Bulsara?” Cathy said quietly across the table to Freddie’s mother.

“Oh of course dear.” She smiled, “It’s just down... you know what, Freddie will show you.”

They both froze.

“Oh I-I’m sure I can find-“ Cathy started, standing up quickly, but Mrs Bulsara didn’t get the memo.

“Don’t be silly! That’s my son’s only purpose” She laughed. “Go on Freddie”

Freddie gulped, standing up.

It wasn’t hard, he’d just have to point her in the direction of the loo.

He was being silly.

Freddie gave a tight smile, not looking her in the eyes at all as he started walking towards the door, allowing her to follow behind him.

The short walk down the corridor seemed to take years. The silence was screaming a million taunting words at Freddie, and he wanted to cover his ears.

“Uh... just there” he pointed at the door of the bathroom.

Cathy nodded, and went inside.

Freddie let out an exhausted breath that he didn’t realise he was holding, running a hand through his hair and making a quick dash back down the hall.

Suddenly, a voice stopped him.

“Freddie?” Cathy said clearly, and Freddie turned around.

Their eyes met for the first time since the incident, and it was intense.

“Yes?” He said softly, watching her softly.

“There’s... no toilet paper”

“...oh.... Oh!” Freddie hurried towards the stairs, “Wait there!” 

He ran to the other bathroom, chanting curse words under his breath.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” He mumbled as he grabbed a loo roll. This was so awkward!

He took his time going back down the stairs, only to find Cathy exactly where he’d left her.

“Here you go” He mumbled, handing her the roll.

He turned to leave again, just wanting to hide. This was just the worst.

Fuck.

Just then, as he thought this was over, Cathy unceremoniously grabbed his arm, turning him around.

“Look...” She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

Here it was.

“Sorry” They both said at exactly the same time, like one of those cliche movies. They both let out a little giggle, easing some of the underlying tension.

Freddie went to speak, but Cathy shushed him, smiling sadly.

“No, I-I fucked up, Freddie. I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m so sorry-“

“No!” Freddie interrupted her, surprising himself when he took her hand affectionately. “I lead you on. I shouldn’t have responded and then just... acted like a total dick.”

“It’s not your fault, I was just... confused” She shrugged.

“I’m... look....” Freddie took a deep breath. “I uh.... have a boyfriend”

Cathy’s eyes went wide, her mouth falling open slightly. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn’t that.

She quickly composed herself, squeezing Freddie’s hand before letting it go.

“I had no idea...” She let out a little chuckle. “I feel like even _more_ of a bitch now!”

“No, no, stop that!” Freddie smiled, “Exactly, you didn’t know. I never told you, you’re not to blame.”

“Soo... are we cool?” She asked, peering at him through her long lashes.

Freddie nodded.

“Absolutely. I’ve missed you”

“I’ve missed you too” She smiled, daring to pull him into a quick hug.

It was all alright now.

Freddie sighed happily. He’d missed Cathy; She had been a great friend to him when he had nobody.

They opened the door to the kitchen as not to abandon everyone else, but they found the room empty. Everyone had moved to the living room, and things sounded like they were getting crazy in there.

Freddie closed the door slowly, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Um... do you want to go listen to my records?”

Cathy nodded quickly, throwing a skeptical glance towards the lounge door. “Yes. Yes please!”

— — —

“That’s great news, Fred” Brian smiled as Freddie poured over the events of the evening to him over the phone. “I’m so glad that’s all cleared up.”

“Anyway dear,” Freddie smiled, “I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Yeah. Night Fred”

As Brian set the phone down, he couldn’t help but feel that familiar pang of jealously. He didn’t want it, but it happened nonetheless.

He wanted his situation to be as cleared up as Freddie’s, and to be able to celebrate that.

Brian supposed he could always ask to hang out with whatever friends Freddie had, but he also didn’t want to be annoying and scrape on the group.

He went up to his room silently, pulling the covers over himself and snuggling down.

The warm abyss would soon take him and he wouldn’t have to worry until tomorrow morning.

Things would sort themselves out for him, too.

He was sure of it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going in strong!

****THREE MONTHS LATER****

It was warmer now.

Sun poured down upon Feltham High, and everywhere surrounding it, and it was a nice relief from the harsh winter. Spring was just peaking in through the thick clouds, and everyone felt blessed by the occasional warmer day.

The abandoned classroom where Freddie and his friends hung out nearly all the time would get very warm in the winter, and so the six of them would take it in turns to get extra water from the canteen.

“...And then it just flew right out of the frying pan!” Laughed Freddie, pulling John a little closer to him, kissing his cheek. “Thank God this one was here, or I would have died!”

John rolled his eyes playfully, “You’re overreacting, Freddie!”

“I’ll second that” David chimed I’m from where he was sat across the small room, sharing a massive bag of crisps with Lenny.

Thursday afternoons were the loveliest times for this little group. David, Freddie, John, George, Lenny, and Kate would all pile into their usual hangout spot and just mess about for the whole of their free period.

And it was lovely.

Things had really sorted themselves out for Freddie in the last few months, after they got really bad, of course.

But there would always be that underlying desire to be back in the library, messing about with Brian, Roger, and John.

But there was so much in the way of that.

Freddie shook off the thought; he had all he needed right now. 

He was getting too wistful.

But so was everyone.

— — —

“Hey babe” Roger walked into the lunch hall, plonking himself down next to Jane, kissing her cheek.

“Hi Rog” She giggled, turning her head and giving him a peck on the lips.

“Ew stop _making out_ while I’m eating!” Cathy complained from opposite them.

“We’re not making out!” Roger defended, “We’re just kissing!”

“Well whatever you’re doing, it’s putting my off my lunch” Cathy shook her head playfully. “Go somewhere else, lovebirds.”

“And leave you alone?” Jane asked. “Never!”

The noisy chatter drowned out their conversation, and the three of them ate wordlessly, Jane finding her way into Roger’s lap.

Fourth period rolled around and Roger set off to Chemistry class alone. He walked into the stuffy room to find Freddie sat on the back bench, waving him over enthusiastically.

“Hey Fred?” Roger said as he approached him, although it came out more like a question. The pair hadn’t spoken in a while. He gingerly took a seat next to Freddie, and the older boy turned to face him, speaking quietly and rather intensely. 

“We haven’t spoken in way too long” He said simply. “I don’t know what’s happened, but we’ve all... drifted.”

Roger shrugged, fully aware of that. “Yeah... I suppose the minute one of us fell out in the group, the whole thing collapsed.”

Freddie groaned, sighing dramatically (A sight Roger had somewhat missed)  
“This is my fault!” 

“What?” Roger nudged him. “How is this your fault?”

“Because me and John fell out!” Freddie explained. “And then shit hit the fan from there!”

What?

Roger was slightly confused. He thought he and Brian falling out was why the group split up.

“But me and... Brian fell out before that” Roger said. “Didn’t we?”

Freddie looked up. “You did? What happened Rog?”

And how in god’s name was Roger supposed to answer that?

“Um... I don’t know” Roger sighed. “But we’re not on speaking terms.”

“Oh shit!” Freddie exclaimed. “I missed all of that!”

“Yeah. It’s my fault, really” Roger shrugged. “I can’t fix it. It’s done.”

“Of course you can fix-“ Freddie started, but Roger cut him off.

“No. I can’t” 

His tone left no room for arguments.

Freddie shrugged, getting out his exercise book and starting the work.

Roger did the same. The pair didn’t talk for a few long minutes; but the atmosphere wasn’t really awkward. 

They had just run out of things to say.

Even if they weren’t talking, Roger adored having familiar company beside him, quite content by the security of it all.

“Uh... I got myself a girlfriend” Roger smiled, breaking the silence between them both.

Freddie’s head shot up, nearly breaking his neck in the process. 

_”What?”_

“Yeah” Roger looked away self-consciously. “Jane.”

Freddie blinked. 

“Darling, I-I thought you were-“ But he stopped himself. “Never mind... Good for you, Rog”

Roger nodded, a tight smile on his face. “Yeah...”

The silence perused, but it was a little more tense this time. Freddie was in his own thoughts.

What was Roger doing? What happened with him and Brian? 

There was so much Freddie wanted to know, but couldn’t.

Not yet.

A few months ago, they may have discussed whatever matter this was freely, but things had changed since then.

Nobody was quite sure who had abandoned who, but there were certainly sour feelings between everyone.

— — —

Brian sat with his head in his hands, alone in the changing rooms. 

He needed to go and have a cry every now and then, due to how awful things were at the moment.

He was completely alone, and he had nobody to talk to.   
He felt like a broken vase, with nobody caring enough to help fix him.

The dim, musty room seemed to close in on him, casting shadows of doom over his hunched up frame. His sobs had slowed to little sniffles, and he could see again, as his eyes were no longer screwed up tightly.

He had to pull himself together.

Enough of this for now.

Brian took a deep breath, wiping his eyes quickly before standing up to grab his stuff from his locker.

He felt a little better now he had let it out temporarily in the form of a minor breakdown. He had been going though these little breakdowns a lot in the last few months.

The normally quiet sound of his locker key turning in the metal slot was loud, echoing throughout the vast space.

He was the only one there, all alone again.

Brian felt that familiar hot feeling burn at his face, and his whole body topped up with fresh sadness.

Kicking the wall with a frustrated scream, Brian fell back down onto the floor, holding his knees tight to his chest, ready for breakdown number three that day.

He was so engrossed in his self-pitying tears that he didn’t even notice that little wonder George come in through the door.

“Hey mate” George said perfectly calmly, but soothingly, sitting down next to the shaking Brian and putting an around around his heaving shoulders. “It’s alright”

Brian looked up for a second in surprise to see who it was, remembering George the moment he saw him. They hadn’t seen each other since that incident in the bathroom three months ago, and goodness, was Brian happy to see his mystery mentor again.

“I-I was looking for you... ages ago” He mumbled, leaning into the hug. “I could never find you to talk to you or just... thank you. You really helped me.”

George didn’t know how to answer that. People didn’t often go looking for him.

“Don’t worry, Brian. I’m here now.” He said softly. “What’s going on?”

“I’m so lonely!” Brian wailed to the only living, breathing person who seemed to care, “I hate it! I hate it so much!”

Here we go.

George sighed. He knew what he was going to do out of impulse now.

— — —

“I’ve got snacks again” Announced David, skipping into the abandoned classroom and throwing down bags of crisps onto the rug in the middle of the room, which everyone clamoured at happily.

George wasn’t there, so all the more for everyone else.

“I swear we spend half our lives in here” Mused Lenny, sitting down in between Kate and David. 

“It’s fine by me” Kate shrugged, flashing a smile at John. “You’re stuck here now”

“I wouldn’t complain” Replied John, playing with a lock of Freddie’s hair. 

Suddenly, the door opened and George came through, throwing a glance to David.

“Don’t freak out,” He said, making everyone prepare to freak out, “But I’ve picked up an orphan”

“What?” 

George stepped aside to reveal a sheepish looking Brian, who nearly hit his head on the top of the doorframe.

Kate smiled at him, Lenny wolf whistled, and Freddie and John watched him with surprised expressions. However, they were more than happy to see Brian.

“Bri!” John said loudly before Brian had even seen him. 

“Oh my- John!” Brian looked over at them, looking surprised but terribly excited, as though they were on some kind of family reunion TV show. “Oh! Fred! And David! What?!”

Freddie jumped up, throwing his arms around Brian. 

“Were you alone?” Freddie asked, worried. 

Brian nodded, but then shrugged. “Not anymore”

John and David both rushed up to Brian, piling in on the hug, so happy to have their lonely friend back with them again. Brian was overcome with emotion, even though it seemed pathetic. He had been alone for weeks, and now he was with the people he loved. He just hoped he could stay.

George had gone and sat with Kate and Lenny on the table. 

Kate nudged him. “Hey, you did something right for once!”

— — —

Roger had gone to be alone for a minute. He needed his time to think, and compose himself.

The truth was, he was terribly unhappy. 

He had to constantly put on an act, and he hated doing that so much. He just wanted to have people he could be himself around and trust again, but of course that was too much to ask.

He held onto the side of the sink, looking at his worn out face in the mirror, the lights burning down on him.

He wanted to go, but not home.

But of course it was the end of the day, and so he had to grit his teeth and get the bus home.

The bus, of course, arrived five minutes early, and so he got on, sitting down. Brian was sat a few seats away, and they both avoided eye contact like wildfire.

The sky was dimming, but not dark, and the sky was mistier than usual.

Jane arrived a few minutes later, sitting behind him.

“You alright, Rog?” She asked, refraining from touching him in any way. He looked tired and fed up.

“I’m fine” He replied as normally as he could.

“No you’re not” 

She hesitantly sat down next to him, and after seeing no response, put her arm around him.

Roger gave up, leaning into her embrace. It sometimes just helped to have someone there to hold you, regardless of wether you loved them or not.

The bus began to move, taking them home. Roger figured he must’ve fallen asleep in the process because he woke up to Jane shaking him lightly.

“Rog, this is your stop”

“O-Oh”

He wanted to go back to sleep.

“....See you later” He mumbled, giving her a smile before getting off of the bus.

Brian got off just after him and the pair walked down the road, rather far apart and not even looking at each other.

Shit, this was awkward.

Roger remembered all those months ago when Brian gave Roger his coat because he was cold.

How could one fuck up that friendship so badly that they couldn’t even look at one another now?

Roger thought he saw Brian turn his head out of the corner of his eye as he opened his front door, but he was probably seeing things.

Wistful things.

But as Roger closed the door behind him, a horrible chill washed over him.

Something wasn’t right.

— — —

Freddie and David had gone off to the forest mansion. The rest of the group had meant to accompany them, but alas, they had not turned up.

“Where the hell is everyone else?” Freddie asked as they went through the large door. “They said they would all be here by now.”

David grimaced. “I think we’ve been stood up.”

“But... _all_ of them? I-“

However, they were interrupted by Lenny sliding down the long bannister, practically risking his life for the sake of style.

“Hiya!”

“Jesus!” Freddie gasped, “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

George followed him, taking the safe option of walking down the staircase. 

“I think it’s just us” Lenny shrugged. “Nobody else picked up the phone when I invited them”

David smiled. “That’s fine. We’ve got a good little group going here”

Whatever group this was, they ended up disbanding within five minutes. George and Lenny went to move some branches that had come in through the kitchen window, (they were now known as the Site Managers) while Freddie and David opted out of the hard labour and ran off upstairs.

The creaky floorboards beneath their feet, mixed with the warm glow from the oil lamps they had lip created such a homely attitude to the house that Freddie was sure he could live here forever.

David even took to showing him where they would all sleep here on sleepovers.

“Lenny and George are in here” He said, opening the door to a large room with two double beds. “They’d probably just end up sharing a bed, you know” He giggled.

A few strides across the hall led them to the next room. “I’m in here with Kate, and Brian can sleep in here too” 

That made Freddie smile. He was so glad that Brian was being accepted into the group just he had been. He could faintly hear Lenny and George screaming and messing about downstairs, making him smile.

“And here...” David announced, opening the door to a huge room that Freddie hadn’t seen before. The wooden floor was coated with dust that seemed to almost glitter, and beautiful left over furniture decorated the space. “This is where you and John will sleep”

Freddie gasped. “Really? We have our own room?!”

“Of course!” David chuckled.

Freddie walked in, fingers tracing along the dust coated surfaces.

“It’s beautiful” He said quietly.

“My cousin lived here for a whole month once” David said matter-of-factly.

“What?” Freddie snapped out of his little world, shocked, “Why? How did he do that?”

“My family is messed up” David rolled his eyes playfully, dismissing the thought, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice. “Half of them think I’m loopy”

Freddie felt as though knowing David was like peeling back the layers of an onion. He was getting deeper now, he was getting to know the real him.

They hadn’t known each other forever, but Freddie was desperate for his trust all of a sudden.

The room was quiet, and only the sound of the occasional shuffle or cream could be heard. It was deafening.

“You’re not loopy,” Freddie said quietly, cutting through the silence. “I’m always here if you want to talk”

David smiled, giving a thankful nod.

Then he looked deep in thought, before letting out a massive sigh as sadness washed over his face.

“Actually... would you mind? I-I would really like to talk”

Another onion layer peeled.

“Of course not, come here!” Freddie fell onto the conveniently placed falling apart sofa and patted the spot next to him. The springs creaked at their weight, especially as they were sat quite close together. “What’s wrong?”

David sighed again. “Sorry to load all of this onto you-“

“Don’t say that! I don’t mind.” Freddie shrugged. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked”

This was true.

That seemed to be enough to coax David into launching into a rather shocking monologue.

“My parents must be the least affectionate people on the face of the earth. They don’t hug me, tell me they love me... it’s even worse for my brother, they practically ignore him — He’s going mad, you know. He lived with my gran who was fucking _abusive_ and that’s messed him up and I’m just sat here like-“

He paused, staring at the floor. It felt good to get that all out, but where did it go?

Out of the windows into the misty sky? All over the dusty floor? Straight into Freddie’s head?

“I didn’t know that...” Was all Freddie could get out. “I-Im so sorry.”

David gave a weak smile. “It’ll get better when I move out. I appreciate you to no end, Fred.”

Freddie couldn’t help pulling David into a tight hug.

“I love you, mate.”

“Love you too”

They were so engrossed in their little moment, that they didn’t notice the two other boys appear at the door.

“Are we... interrupting something?” Lenny said, badly suppressing laughter.

“Yeah, were kinda having a moment here” David replied in mock-offence. “Me and my lover need privacy.”

Freddie snorted loudly, making the rest of the vast room burst into laughter.

It was lovely.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A broken window can be put back together, but there will always be cracks.
> 
> Sometimes you just have buy a new window and stop bitching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst train is coming to a stop, guys!

The house was silent.

Roger sat on his bed, trying to get some homework done, but the eerie silence of the house was drilling at his brain.

_Where was everybody?_

His family must have been out, but for what reason? Where did they even have to go?

Roger dismissed the thought, trying to get on with his work.  
They’d probably just gone shopping; They’d be back soon.

Roger continued focusing on the quadratic formulas for a few more minutes until he heard a car pull up in the driveway.

_Who was home?_

Roger held his breath as he heard the door unlock, followed by a set of keys being thrown down onto the table, echoing through the house.

“Bloody _stupid”_ The person muttered angrily, voice slurring just a little.

Well, that was his father.

Roger cleared his throat, wanting to make his presence known as to not give anyone a nasty surprise.

“Um... hello, I’m up here” He called. The muttering stopped, and Roger just heard a grunt in response.

Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

“Why are you home so early?” His father questioned, peering at him from where he stood in the doorway.

The smell of whiskey radiated off of him and through the whole room.

Roger felt rather uncomfortable, but tried not to let it get to him.

“I-I’m always back at this time?”

“Are you?” 

“Yes! You were just back late! Where’s mum?”

Roger stopped himself. He didn’t mean for that to come out demanding, but of course that’s how his father perceived it.

“Why the fuck should _I_ know?” He raised his voice slightly, making Roger flinch. “And don’t you _dare_ start talking to me like that!”

Roger kept his mouth shut, but there was more, apparently.

“And I checked the messages left on our phone today” He spoke horribly calmly, but with a deathly look in his eyes, stepping a little further into the room as he did so, appearing taller to where Roger was sat with every step. “Lots of messages from a girl?”

Roger furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “A girl?”

Then he realised it.

Why the fuck had Jane been leaving messages on the answer machine?

“Who’s Jane?” His father deadpanned, having obviously heard her name on one of the messages. “Are you... dating her?”

The warning glare he received told Roger instantly what the correct answer was.

“...No”

Silence.

“Right.” 

And with that, he left the room, walking down the hall.

Roger let out a sigh of relief. He couldn’t deal with his probably drunk father questioning him any further. Though, he wasn’t sure why he was so against Roger having a girlfriend, that’s what most dads wanted, right?

Just then, he heard the phone ring downstairs. Roger leapt up swiftly to answer it incase it was for him, but his father beat him to it, picking up the receiver from downstairs.

“Hello?” He said sharply.

Silence.

“And who the fuck are you?”

Roger cringed internally. He was almost certain that it was one of his friends on that phone, and he didn’t like the thought of them being spoken to like that.

_”Freddie?”_ He questioned, almost mockingly.

Oh shit. Why was Freddie calling him? More to the point, why hadn’t he hung up by now?

Roger wasn’t sure why, but he wanted someone else to come home, literally anyone. He hated being alone with his father.

Roger listened closely to the conversation, too scared to go downstairs and take the phone off of him. He just hoped that Freddie had enough sense not to say anything stupid.

“Oh I remember you!” His father suddenly said rather loudly. “You’re that Paki kid from Roger’s school”

That was enough to tip Roger’s scales. He wasn’t tolerating his father being nasty to his friends.

“He’s not from Pakistan.” Roger called loudly, thundering down the stairs, trying to keep all anger at bay. “Let me have the phone.”

His father glared at him as if he’d just asked for a new house.

“No” He replied stubbornly. “How _dare_ you be so rude?”

_”I’m_ being rude?”

A moment of silence perused before Roger’s father took a step forward, still holding the phone above his head. “I will slap the living daylights out of you if you talk to me like that again” He said horribly calmly, clearly, but so terrifyingly threateningly.

“Freddie, hang up” Roger called, and heard the line go dead after a moments hesitation. He stood there, having some kind of dreadful staring contest with his father.

“And what makes you think you can suddenly tell me what to do?” His father challenged slowly.

Roger knew that he had dug himself too much of a hole now to get out. He’d just have to stand his ground and take whatever came at him.

“I won’t tolerate you talking to my friends that way” Roger said, trying to sound confident, but cursing the slight wobble in his voice.

His father stared at him more intensely. “You won’t _tolerate_ me, hm?”

Roger knew that he’d tipped the scales slightly now, he even backed up when his father took a step closer to him. 

“I’ve put a roof over your head!” He said through gritted teeth, his drunkenness really showing with the slight slurring in his voice. “And you think you can _tell me what to do?”_

Roger knew that he should flee back to his room. any other choice right now could end horribly, but he was stubborn. Roger decided to stand his ground, and even push a little further.

God, why did he do that?

Roger rolled his eyes, moving a stand of blonde hair from in front of his face, continuing to stare his father down. 

“I’m saying that I won’t stand for you speaking to my friends like that” He said, trying to sound confident. “Especially when you’re _drunk.”_

Roger braced himself. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but backchatting of any sort never got him to a great place.

However, instead of screaming or lurching at the blonde boy, his father just stood there, looking at him.

Funny.

The silence in the room blew about wistfully, like the gentle winds in the eye of the storm.

Roger was just about to open his mouth to say something when it happened. A delayed reaction.

A swift slap was delivered to his face. Roger knew that was coming, but that one really had an element of surprise to it. His father continued to stare at him, slowly stepping further forward.

It took willpower for Roger not to lift his hand to his burning cheek. He would deal with that later; it wasn’t that bad.

Roger took a deep breath, watching his father who was literally shaking with anger carefully. 

“I want you to stop doing that” Roger said slowly; trying to help the situation without making the man in front of him angrier. “It doesn’t help either of us”

For a moment Roger thought he’d got through. He thought he was within a chance of solving this family problem forever.

No.

Roger didn’t have time to process what was going on before his father’s eyes slowly simmered with more rage than he had ever seen, as he stepped forward with full force, placing his hands on Roger’s shoulders and pushing him with all the momentum he had gathered from the step forward — which was a lot.

Roger was so thrown off guard that he didn’t even process what was going on until he hit the dining table behind him with full force, hopelessly grabbing a chair on the way and consequently pulling it down on top of him.

He fell down like a rag doll, slumped by the leg of the table 

He could hear his father shouting something, his voice blistering with rage and anger, but Roger’s head was spinning far too much to even comprehend it.

He didn’t move as he watched the man in front of him leave the house, slamming the door and leaving him broken by the table. A sharp pain shot at his lower jaw, and something was stabbing at his ribs.

Still completely bewildered by it all, Roger managed to move his head slightly, causing it to spin as he looked down at what was causing him pain in his ribs.

A chair leg was sharply jabbed into his side, but it was nothing too serious.

Roger moved slowly, still silent, processing it all. He pushed the chair off of him, leaving it to fall over again. 

Still, he lay there on the floor in a crumpled heap for at least 5 more minutes, just staring into space. The silence was a wrath; cocooning Roger into lying still, basking in it.

Colours.

That’s all he chose to see in that moment. He saw the grey floating around the room, the confusion. He saw the watery tones of red escaping under the door; the anger slowly leaving. The yellow left a while ago — as happiness it wasn’t there, but as cowardice, it left when his father did.

This hadn’t happened in so long.

He had to get out of here quickly.

Roger mustered up all of his strength and pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing at how his back ached from hitting the corner of the table with such force.

He struggled up onto his feet somehow, clinging onto the edge of the table for support and taking shaky footsteps over to the door.

He didn’t know where he was going, but he had to get out.

Roger caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror by the door, and nearly screamed.

His jaw was horrible dislodged. It looked incredibly painful but he just wasn’t feeling it for some reason.

It was only when he opened his mouth experimentally that pain shot through his entire face and neck, causing him to clutch at his face, screwing his eyes shut as everything spun.

Shit.

Roger panicked, pulling on a pair of old shoes and stumbling out into the cold. He had given up on the luxury of a coat.

The sky was darkening, and unforgiving wind blew his hair all over his face. Roger couldn’t even see; he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t scream.

All he could do was run aimlessly down the road, probably looking like a madman.

The wind suddenly blew right into his face, clearing his vision for a moment.

He spotted a bright red phone box.

Feeling as if it were his saving grace, Roger stumbled over to it, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, unable to escape the pain his back was giving him, and also terrified for his jaw situation.

He dug some change out of his pocket, shoving it into the machine and picking up the receiver, dialling the only number he knew off by heart.

He almost passed out from the pain as he started talking. His jaw tugged on every nerve in his face, making uncontrollable tears leak from his eyes. 

“H-Hello?” 

He probably wouldn’t last long from here. 

— — —

It was only 7pm and Brian was already considering getting an early night.

Sleep had become a friend of his lately, and he would bask in every moment of it he could grasp.

His parents had gone out to a dinner party, which meant that Brian could have the whole kitchen to make himself the best cup of tea he had ever experienced.

He boiled the water, humming a melody softly as he did so. Realising that he was home alone, he began singing it very loudly instead, dancing across the room with his empty cup as he did so.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror; he looked good. 

Just as he hit a considerably high note, standing in the middle of he kitchen, belting it out, the phone rang, clashing horribly with his song.

How annoying!

Brian groaned in frustration, putting his cup down and walking over to the phone.

“Hello? Brian May speaking.” He sighed, trying not to sound too annoyed at whoever was calling. That would be rude.

A small voice came from the other end of the line, sounding very feeble.

“H-Hello”

Brian frowned. He couldn’t place who it was by their voice. It sounded slightly familiar, but it was distorted, like they were talking with a mouth full of marshmallows.

It did cross his mind that he may be reviving a prank call, but something seemed off, so he stayed on the line and waited for the person to speak.

They were trying to make a sentence, but were having trouble speaking, not being helped by the noticeable sound of wind from their end.

“I-I can’t- help my.... _ahh!”_   
A grunt of pain followed, and Brian listened in confusion.

“Are you alright? Who is this?” He asked clearly, not sure if this person had just dialled a random number or not.

What was going on?

Whatever it was, all of Brian’s attention was on this person now, and making sure they were alright.

“Can you tell me your name?” Brian said, trying to stay calm. “Do I know you?”

There was a moment of heavy breathing from the person on the phone, they were obviously in a lot of pain. Brian waited patiently before the distorted voice came back.

“R-Roger” 

Brian’s face went pale. He stared off into the distance. He recognised that voice now; and it sounded a little similar to when Roger called him all those months ago, desperate for a place of sanction.

Brian snapped back to reality as he heard another sob of pain. 

“I’m sorry Brian... I d-didn’t know w-who else to-“

Brian cut him off hurriedly, “No, no! You did the right thing to call me, Roger. Can you tell me where you are?”

“Phone box. My r-road.” He let out a pained whimper that made Brian’s heart wrench. _”Fuck!_ M-my jaw... I- _aghhh!”_ safe. He could be responsible for somebody’s life here.

“Roger, listen to me” Brian tried to keep him focused, no matter how panicked he was feeling himself. “Stay there, do my move”

And with that, Brian slammed the phone down, grabbing his coat and practically flying out of the door. Every moment of bad history he had with Roger flew bout of his mind as he ran, blowing into the wind. 

Insignificant.

He just had to get to him.

— — —

Freddie lay on his bed, a little concerned over what he had just heard over the phone.

Freddie had only just returned from the forest mansion, and was calling to try and build their friendship back up, but now he wasn’t sure if Roger would be mad at him or not for interfering.

A man (Freddie assumed it was Roger’s father) insulting him was the least of his worries, he was more scared for how he spoke to Roger, horribly threatening.

Freddie had had suspicions about Roger’s home life for years, but hearing that seemed to confirm his horrible suspicions. 

Freddie knew he needed to talk to someone, but the only person he figured knew about it was Brian, and Brian probably didn’t want to talk about Roger right now. Those two were still on bad terms.

Freddie sighed, rolling over and trying to sleep, even though it was very early.

He’d talk to someone tomorrow, or maybe next week, or maybe never.

Yes, never did seem like a better option.

Freddie didn’t really share any mutual friends with Roger currently, and so he knew of nobody that actually cared. He could talk to Cathy, as she knew Jane who knew Roger... no. That sounded kind of messy, and he wasn’t sure how close Roger and Jane actually were, or even if they like each other.

Freddie needed these moment every now and then, just his own internal monologues.

He’d talk to Roger about it tomorrow, yes! Genius idea; problem solved. Then he could figure out if he was worried over nothing.

Freddie sighed.

If only it were that simple.

— — —

“Oh god, oh god, Rog, please look at me!” 

Panicked was un understatement.

Nothing could have prepared Brian for seeing Roger slumped in a phone box, barely conscious, with his jaw tilted at an angle that it _definitely_ shouldn’t be, and pale bruises blossoming over most patches of shivering, exposed skin.

Brian was crouched down next to him, taking off his own coat and wrapping Roger up in it, lifting his head up off of the floor and gently moving it onto his lap. He ran his fingers through the blonde hair comfortingly, trying to figure out what the hell he should do while mumbling words of reassurance (for both of them, really).

The sudden downpour of rain hit the glass exterior of the phone box, leaving them dry but by no means warm underneath the grim, grey sky.

“Rog” Brian tried to get his attention, “We really need to get you to a hospital-“

Roger’s eyes flew open, shaking his head frantically. 

“Really, Roger, I’m sorry but we have to”

“No” Roger managed to mumble without causing too much grief to his jaw. “My... my auntie works there. She’ll a-ask questions...”

_Well what do you want me to do?_ Brian felt like screaming. He was so lost, and it seemed as if nothing or nobody could help them.

His parents were out, his friends would be of no use, and now Roger wouldn’t let him go to the hospital.

Christ, this was a bit of a pickle, to say the least.

Brian sighed, throwing a hand to the sky in defeat. “Let’s just... go back to mine and work from there.”

Roger nodded, and Brian helped him to stand up.

Roger could walk in his own, but he felt a bit dizzy, not to mention the searing pain in multiple places. Brian had tried to pick him up a few times, but the blonde man had pushed him back, just wanting to hold on to that last bit of dignity he had.

But when they stumbled through the door of Brian’s house, Roger’s legs gave up on him. 

Thank god for Brian’s lighting-fast reflexes.

Roger allowed himself to be wrapped in multiple blankets and towels, before being carried up the stairs. It was a bit of a struggle as they were about the same weight, but Brian managed to set Roger down on his bed and take his shoes off for him.

Roger groaned. He was such a shitty person. He had abandoned Brian, tried to make him jealous, just been a total dick, and yet this man was still so willing to help him.

And that just made him feel worse.

Roger was sat in the same place he had been months ago, when they had that first spark of romance, and that hurt. It wasn’t there now, just a whole load of worry and angst.

Brian turned on the bedside lamp, seeping warm light into the otherwise darkening room. He sat down next to Roger, brows knitted together.

“Okay...” He let out a deep breath. “What the hell happened to your jaw?”

Roger looked away. How was he even supposed to answer that? He wasn’t a doctor, and so he just shrugged, probably agitating Brian further.

“Does it hurt to talk?” Brian asked, speaking a little quieter after realising that it was important just to keep Roger calm.

The blonde boy nodded, shoulders hunched up, frame small.

“Can I have a look at it?”

Roger nodded again, not meeting his eyes.

Brian hesitated for a moment before slowly shifting them both further towards the light, gently cupping Roger’s face and tilting it upwards to get a better look.

Well, this brought back memories.

“Ohthankfuck” Brian sighed, rubbing a hand over his own face. “It’s just dislocated, not broken.”

Roger felt nothing at hearing that; no relief, no joy.

“Okay look...” Brian looked a bit skeptical. “I can probably move it back into place, I-I mean I can try. Are you sure you don’t want to go the hospital”

Roger shook his head.

“I thought so.” Brian grimaced. “Okay, wait there”

He scurried out of the room and Roger was left questioning himself.

Why did he go to Brian in the first place, why did he go to anyone? Why didn’t he just grow a pair and deal with it all himself? 

He hated to admit it, but _sweet lord,_ he needed that lanky guitarist.

A few moments later, said lanky guitarist reappeared, holding a chopstick in one hand and a torch in the other. He looked at Roger, smiling sadly with sympathy in his eyes.

“We’ll talk when we fix your jaw” He said quietly, choosing not to add the _if_ that wouldn’t leave his brain. He was taught how to do this in scouts when he was twelve, and really hoped he would remember it.

Roger nodded, allowing the taller boy to take his face back into his hands, choosing to ignore how his thumb brushed over his cheek briefly.

“Open your mouth if you can” Brian said, and Roger did so as wide as he could without the pain becoming unbearable.

Brian squinted, getting Roger to hold the torch while he worked the chopstick into the back of Roger’s mouth, poking around his back teeth before hooking it down behind his back molars.

“Brace yourself” Brian grimaced. Roger didn’t have time to prepare before Brian took hold of his jaw from outside, pushing down the chopstick and swiftly yanking it back into place.

“Fuck!” Roger cried out in pain, clutching at his face, while Brian apologised at least 40 times over the next twenty seconds.

Roger grunted, noticing how the pain was fading.

“You... you did it!” He managed a little smile, looking up at Brian, who looked rather relieved. “Doctor May!”

Brian liked that.

“I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, but I guess your jaw is back on the right side of your face” He smiled. “Is anything else dislocated?”

Roger’s faint smile faded as he looked at his hands.

“I-I don’t actually know” he said quietly, and Brian’s heart wrenched again.

Brian carefully placed a hand on his leg, giving it a soft squeeze. “Why don’t you have a shower and check yourself for more injuries?”

Roger pressed his lips together, nodding. “Um... mind if I borrow even more of your clothes?”

Brian chuckled. “Yeah, just take the rest of my wardrobe while your at it”

A small smile played on Roger’s lips, happy that they weren’t complete ignoring what they used to have.

It was nice, comforting.

Roger grabbed a T-shirt and some shorts, mentally cursing himself as soon as he’d closed the door. Never mind, Brian would have seen the rest of his injuries regardless.

The hot water of the shower burned at his skin, but that was nice. He liked the way it engulfed him, providing the loving contact that he was otherwise starved of.   
Brian used to be that person. Honestly, Roger just wanted to go back in there and kiss-

What the fuck was he thinking?

That was ended. _He_ ended that.

He was just lonely, he needed to leave that dead fling alone.

Brian was sat in his room, trying to convince himself of the exact same thing. But alas, this wasn’t a romance movie — Things didn’t work out like that.

— — —

It was around 9pm when John’s phone rang. 

It was safe to say that he was confused when he heard Freddie’s panicked voice from the other end of the line.

“John? Is that’s you?”

“Er... yes. What’s wrong Freddie?”

Freddie sighed, struggling over his words. “Darling I think I may be responsible for something horrible happening.”

John’s eyes went wide. “Before you continue, note that if you put loads of makeup on, the police can’t recognise you from CCTV-“

“No, no!” Freddie interrupted him. “It’s not my fault really I suppose, I’m more... morally responsible.”

John let out a sigh. “Jesus Fred! You had me worried!”

“And you should still be worried!” Freddie lowered his voice, fully aware that his parents were just in the next room. “Has Roger ever told you anything about his family?”

“Ooh! Ooh!” John sounded _way_ to enthusiastic, but for once he had knowledge on a situation. “He used to come to the library really early some mornings, saying that he didn’t like being at home. Sometimes he’d be really upset and sometimes look... injured. I never asked him about it but I suppose that was months ago and...” 

John trailed off, fearing he had spilled too much. Freddie was silent for a few moments before clearing his throat.

“I may have the rest of the story that you’re missing” Freddie said quietly. “I heard Roger’s dad threaten him over the phone, and Roger told me... hang up.”

“Oh God!” John gasped. “And did you? Hang up, I mean.”

“Well yes!” Freddie said hysterically. “I didn’t want to make it worse!”

“I know, I know, I get it.” John said, panic evident in his voice. “What do we do now?”

Freddie thought for a moment. “Okay, we need to get Roger,out of that house. I don’t know how we’re doing it, but we have to make a plan.”

“Agreed” John nodded. “Do you think you can come over and we can talk about it?”

“Yeah.” Freddie was already putting his shoes on. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

Freddie called some kind of excuse to his parents about why he was going out, before stepping out into the breezy night.

The bus ride seemed to drag on and on, taking Freddie ages to eventually reach John’s road, where he get off the bus and rushed down the street as fast as he could.

John was already waiting by the door when Freddie came scampering up the road. 

“I’m here” He panted giving his boyfriend a brief hug before stumbling into the house.

“I’ve already made some plans on how we’re getting his attention without throwing rocks at his window or phoning the house.” John said as they ran up the stairs. “God, why didn’t he just tell us?”

“What if we’ve got it all wrong?” Asked Freddie. “What if he’s actually okay and we just turn up-“

John whipped around, grabbing Freddie by the shoulders and looking him in the eyes rather unexpectedly.

“Freddie, if I can promise you one thing” He said slowly. “It’s that our Roger is certainly _not_ okay, and we need to help him. Nobody else will.”

_Our Rog._

Freddie nodded. After all, John knew more on the situation than he did at this moment in time.

They had to go by just the little knowledge they had, and gut instinct.

— — —

Roger walked straight back into Brian’s room and over to the bed when he had finished showering. He didn’t linger by the door like he had done that night all those months ago. He wanted to get away from all of that.

Brian sat next to him, not making a sound.

“I should probably tell you what happened” Roger sighed, breaking the silence, and Brian looked at him encouragingly. 

Roger gave him the long overdue explanation about what had happened with the phone call, and the pushing, and the table, and how it was all such a giant _mess._

Brian just listened, taking in every word and trying not to look shocked — It took a lot, let me tell you.

“Oh Christ” Roger groaned the minute he had finished recounting his tale, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m so fucking _sorry_ Brian. I can’t forget how I treated you like complete shit and you’re being so nice to me. Why the hell are you being so nice to me?”

Brian smiled faintly. 

“You know, there isn’t a single thing in this world that you could do to make me hate you. I’ll always look after you, wether you like it or not.”

“Stop being so fucking perfect!” Roger laughed, giving Brian a playful shove, but then winced in pain at his aching back.

“What’s wrong?” Brian asked worriedly, hands hovering over the blonde man, trying to find a place to pat that wouldn’t hurt him. “What’s going on with your back?”

“S’probably just bruised” Roger grunted through obvious pain. “M’fine.”

“Can I see?” Brian asked quietly. “I-I mean if you’re okay with-“

Roger cut him off by wordlessly pulling the baggy t-shirt over his head, turning away from Brian it reveal a large purple bruise. God, that looked nasty.

It took all of Brian’s willpower not to gasp, or cry, or just pass out. It was horrible, just the thought f how it got there.

“Is it bad?” Roger asked quietly.

What was Brian supposed to say to that?

“...kind of. Yes.”

“Fuck.” Roger breathed. “They’re gonna... they’re gonna be there forever.”

“No they’re not” Brian said softly, noticing how Roger didn’t even flinch when he began tracing over the unmarked skin on the smaller man’s back with his fingers. “They’ll fade”

Roger nodded, allowing himself to be touched.

“That feels nice” Roger giggled. “Keep going.”

“Oh, you like back massages?” Brian grinned. 

Roger hummed in agreement.

“Well that’s good, because I’ve been told that I’m the best” Brian teased, not noticing how close he was getting to the other boy.

Roger quirked an eyebrow. “By who?”

“All my _lovers”_

“Oh shut up” Roger laughed, but soon fell silent as he felt Brian’s nose brush against his shoulder, and his hair tickle the side of his face.

There was no way in hell these two were going to manage to be mates again. 

Roger turned himself around, taking hold of Brian’s face and pressing their lips firmly together. Brian responded instantly, moving their lips together.

Roger pulled himself up onto Brian’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding him tightly until they were as close as they physically could be.

This was it.

This was where he belonged.


	19. Chapter 19

“This is it. I’m here for the long haul now.” Brian mumbled into Roger’s hair as they lay on the bed, cuddling. “I’m not letting you go again.”

Roger let out a humorous snort. “Uhh... Bri, I still have a girlfriend you know!”

“But-“

“But I’m breaking up with her first thing tomorrow” Roger reassured him, rubbing their noses together. “So I’m as good as single right now. Yours.”

 _His._

“Well thank goodness for that” Brian almost purred, kissing the tip of his nose. 

The pitch black sky beyond the drawn curtains was cold, but the simple sunset glow of the lamp, softly bathing the golden hair that was spreading all over the pillow and Brian’s shoulder was the warmest fire the world would ever see.

And Brian would be the only one to see it’s full glow.

Brian traced one of the bruises on Roger’s shoulder, before giving it a gentle kiss.

“You heal me, you know” Roger mused, absent mindedly.

Brian had to stop himself from crying again. He couldn’t describe how much love he wanted to give this boy. He wanted to take care of him and protect him — And That heaven was getting a little closer every second.

Roger picked up a cassette player from the bedside table, along with a pair of headphones.

“Let’s have a listen to Brian’s sad bedtime tunes” He giggled, putting the headphones on, ignoring Brian’s exclamations of mock-offence.

It was then that Brian wished he was a painter.

He wanted to paint Roger in that moment — Study every soft curve of his face, his little ski-slope of a nose, his beautiful eyelashes that caught the golden glow of the lamp, the golden hair spread out over the pillow.

All the warm tones contrasted beautifully with Rogers blue eyes, that still managed to be warm. The warmest blue Brian had ever seen.

He was perfect.

Brian felt so at peace that all mental blockades on what he said fell down.

“I love you” He whispered.

Roger turned his head, looking straight at him with his big blue eyes, lips slightly parted.

“What did you just say?” He whispered, taking off the headset.

“You heard me”

“No I didn’t” Roger raised an eyebrow. “I had headphones on.”

“Oh... right” Brian felt stupid, shaking his head and laughing. “ I-I said... I love you”

Roger’s expression was unreadable for a moment, before a tiny rosebud of a smile blossomed on his lips.

“I love you too, you hopeless romantic”

Brian leaned forward, capturing his lover’s lips in his own, kissing him softly.

Lover.

Boyfriend?

Boyfriend.

That sounded nice.

— — —

“Are you sure you know the way?” John asked as he and Freddie walked up the road.

“Yes, yes, we just have to walk up by the school, then get Roger’s bus back to his house.” Freddie schemed. “Simple!” 

John had a slight feeling that it _wouldn’t_ be that simple, but he went with it anyway. He’d be able to get them out of trouble.

It was pitch black outside, and the two boys looked terribly dodgy wearing dark clothing and carrying a rope.

“Fred, we look like gangsters!” John complained. “At least try and hide the rope a bit!”

Freddie sighed, taking the rope from over his shoulder and holding it in front of him. “Better?”

“I guess?”

The two boys arrived at the school bus stop quite a while later, not realising how long it actually took John to walk to school.

“Okay, it’s the 147 I think” Freddie said, looking at the departure board. “It should be here in 4 minutes.”

“Okay” John said. Sitting down on the bench. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean... what if we make it all worse?”

Freddie sat down next to him, looking him dead in the eyes. They were completely alone in the dark night and for a moment, John thought Freddie might be plotting to kill him and hide the body.

“John Richard Deacon, you listen here.” He said quietly but clearly. “I know Roger can be a bit of a dick, but I’m actually really, really scared about what he’s going through right now. We _need_ to get him out of that house. I fear that I’ve made things worse by calling him earlier today, and so it would make me feel better if we at least tried?”

John smiled faintly. “Alright Fred, I know. Let’s do this.”

***

Freddie and John sat at the back of the bus. There were only about two other people on said bus apart from themselves, and so it was quiet.

Freddie had always wondered what it would have been like to be on a bus at night time, seemingly getting away from everting and everyone. — But it was so much better with John next to him.

“Our stop is soon” John mumbled, looking out of the window absent mindedly. “What do you think happened to Rog?”

Freddie shivered. “I don’t want to think about it, but I sort of have to.”

John sighed, subtly brushing Freddie’s hand with his own. “I know. It sucks really, but think, we can be the ones to help him.”

“But then what do we do after that?” Freddie asked. “Get him to live with us?”

John smiled. “Maybe. Let’s just make sure he’s safe first.”

Freddie nodded, resting his head on John’s shoulder and allowing the soft rocking of the bus to lull him into a warmer, more peaceful state.

He very nearly fell asleep, but he was soon shook awake by John, murmuring that they were at their stop.

All sleepiness washed away as Freddie stepped off of the bus into the cold air, allowing it to wrap around him like a miserable blanket.

It was only as they started walking down the road towards Roger’s house that it really hit them.

The fear.

The street lamps seemed to point them out to everyone like a spotlight, making the mood even more grilling.

“I don’t mean to sound selfish but... what if _we_ get hurt?” John said, slowing his steps a little.

“It’s not like we’re going through the front door, we’re going in through Roger’s bedroom window.” Freddie said. “But still, I’m a bit scared...”

It was then that Freddie stopped dead in his tracks, staring at another house by the side of the road.

John saw what he was looking at.

“Oh no, no no no. Keep moving Freddie!”

“But-“

“No! Brian does _not_ want any part in this, I can already tell you!”

Freddie sighed dramatically. “But Brian is _tall!_ I speak for us both when I say we’d feel safer with him.”

“I know, but he doesn’t want anything to do with Roger right now, especially breaking into his house!”

Freddie raised his eyebrows. “You can’t deny that Brian still cares for Roger deeply. If there’s a plan to save him from a horrible situation, I’m pretty sure he’d want in.”

John thought for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip, before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Fine!” He said, throwing his arms up in defeat. “We’ll ask him if he wants to help, but if he says no, we can’t push him.”

Freddie let out a little celebratory noise before grabbing John’s hand and dragging him towards the house.

“You have to knock, it was your idea” John said simply, pushing Freddie towards the door.

Freddie hesitated for a moment, before taking a deep breath and knocking hard on the door.

“Will he even hear us? It’s midnight...”

“Brian’s a light sleeper. He’ll hear us”

As predicted, footsteps were heard coming down the stairs and Freddie composed himself, already reciting his explanation in his head while John stood gingerly behind him.

But when the door opened, all thoughts flew right out of Freddie’s head, leaving him standing there with his mouth wide open.

“R-Rog?”

“Hello.” Roger looked at him, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “May I ask what the fuck you’re doing?”

“Me?” Freddie asked, eyebrows by his hairline. “Why are _you_ at Brian’s house in the middle of the night-“

He stopped himself. He had suspicions. Had Brian actually managed to save Roger before them, even though they hadn’t talked in months?

Jesus, that boy was always one step ahead of them.

“Uhh...” Roger played with the hem of his t-shirt... _Brian’s_ t-shirt. “I think you’d better come in.”

Freddie nodded, grabbing a still-baffled John by the hand and pulling him inside.

— — —

Roger sat by the headboard of Brian’s bed, snuggled securely under one of his arms, while Freddie and John sat opposite them with cups of tea.

“I-I didn’t know it was _that_ bad!” Freddie choked out, dangerously close to tears. “Roger why didn’t you tell us!”

Roger sighed, getting a comforting squeeze from Brian. He had just told Freddie and John everything. Everything that had gone on at home, everything that had happened that evening after Freddie had called, everything that was going on with him and Brian.

“It’s not your fault, Fred” Roger said, reaching out and giving his hand a squeeze. “You need to know that if nothing else”

Freddie gave a little sniffle, leaning into John and squeezing Roger’s hand. “O-Okay.”

“You’re so brave” Brian said quietly, and John nodded. There were some things Roger had told them just then that even Brian didn’t know, and he had to hide just how sick he felt. “You’re safe now, you’re not going back. we’ll figure it out.”

Roger nodded, suddenly feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders that had been there since he was very young. That constant fear that made him keep his guard up constantly.

He was with the people he trusted the most.

“Hey” Freddie smiled, looking between them all. “This is out old group!”

John gave a sad smile, and Roger looked at Brian.

“I miss you all” Roger mumbled, and everyone nodded in agreement.

“Then whats the problem?” Freddie asked the blonde boy. “I hate to say it honey, but the only thing keeping up apart was your situation with Brian. But now, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you two are good now”

Brian unceremoniously pressed a kiss to Roger’s lips, getting a surprised noise from him in return.

“Yeah.” Brian smiled. “We’re food now.”

Freddie made a little noise between a squeak of excitement and a sob of happiness. “Fucking _finally!_ I couldn’t stand the constant sexual tension between you two!”

Roger rolled his eyes, but Brian shrugged in agreement.

“We’re all gonna take care of you now” John said seriously, looking right at Roger. “We’re gonna help you out together.”

Roger smiled, crawling over to Freddie and John and pulling them into a hug, trying to cover the fact that he was crying. 

Brian joined them, and the four boys just sat there on Brian’s bed, holding on tight to one another in the best group hug they had ever experienced.

Roger let his tears fall freely, all shame gone, and so did Freddie.

They were a mess, but they belonged to one another.

They had been separated in the particularly choppy seas, but now they were all reunited on the shore, where everything was sunny and warm.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one! It’s a bit short, as all of my last chapters are.
> 
> Thank you to my lovely readers, you’ve made me so damn happy!

All four boys had spent the previous night in Brian’s room. 

Brian and Roger got the bed, and fell asleep cuddled up, while Freddie and John got the floor.

Freddie naturally started complaining that his back hurt halfway through the night, and nearly elbowed John in the face when he tried to be the big spoon for once. This woke Roger up, and he started trying to push Brian off of the bed, thinking it was Freddie.

Brian slept through it all.

The next morning, all four boys congregated sleepily in the kitchen, leading to the slight confusion of Brian’s parents when they came home, but they managed to make some kind of excuse up.

Everyone borrowed Brian’s clothes to go to school in. This had become a bit of a joke as Roger had about three outfits of Brian’s at home, and he was running out of clothes quickly.

They all managed to pile onto the bus, a little bit sleepy, but unable to stop laughing at the silliest of things.

The love was back.

They walked down towards the gate, soft sun beaming down on them. 

The sun was finally out.

It was still pretty early, and so there weren’t many people about, but there was still that little drum of chatter.

“Right.” Roger announced as soon as they had stepped through the school gates. “Gotta fo break up with my girlfriend — be back in five.”

“Oh shit!” Freddie laughed, “I forgot you still had one of them!”

“I won’t in about four minutes.” Roger shrugged. But then he paused, looking over at Brian with puppy eyes. “...And when I get back, hopefully I’ll have... a boyfriend?”

Freddie grabbed John, squealing, and Brian nodded, face breaking out into a grin as he quickly pressed a kiss to Roger’s cheek. 

“Of course.”

When all four of them were together, they could be as gay as they liked and felt no shame over it. It was as if the four of them together made a little force field that protected them from all insults.

“Be nice to her though!” John called as Roger pranced off. “Jane is actually really nice-“

“Do _you_ want to date her?” Freddie teased, earning himself a playful smack from John. 

“Yeah ‘cause that would work out!”

Suddenly, Brian let out a loud shriek, causing Freddie and John to stop bickering, looking over at him.

David had leapt onto Brian’s back, scaring him to death.

“What’s up, hoes?” He grinned, getting off of Brian when he nearly fell over. 

“Oh hello, you cracker” Freddie laughed, ruffling his perfectly styled hair.

“Fred! That took ages-“

“Oh get over it.”

Freddie just seemed to want to argue with everyone he came across that morning.

As if Brian had had enough surprises already, someone tapped him on the shoulder gingerly.

He turned to find Roger smiling at him.

“Hey” He said softly, drowning out the noise of Freddie.

“That was fast.” Brian chuckled, placing his hands on Roger’s little waist. “So... you’re mine now?”

Roger nodded, biting his lip happily.

Then Brian threw all caution to the wind. He cupped Roger’s face with one hand and pressed their lips together passionately, right there in the middle of the corridor.

David cheered, John gasped, and Freddie looked like a proud mother.

There was judgement from passers-by, obviously, but it was all drowned out. They were too outnumbered by this little group to comment.

Roger let out a little squeak of happiness as he folded himself into Brian’s arms, still recovering from one hell of a kiss.

“They’re such... such...” David looked for a word to describe them, gesturing to the pair in front of him by flapping his arms like a baby bird. “BEANS!” 

“Beans?” John quirked an eyebrow.

“Yes dear,” Freddie snaked his arm around Johns waist, still looking like a mother watching her children graduate. “They are beans.”

— — —

John, Freddie, Brian, Roger, David, George, Lenny, and Kate all sat in their little hangout.

God, this group was massive. How had nobody noticed their constant absence at break and lunch times?

Well, Freddie, Brian, Roger, and John would sometimes go up the library before school for old times sakes, but it was definitely warmer down here.

“Yeah, so if any of you happen to dislocate your jaws, Brian’s your man” Roger giggled, recounting the story of how Brian saved him from a hospital trip, although they probably should have gone anyway.

“Brian doesn’t get half the credit he deserves” Shrugged David. “He’s a pretty cool guy”

“Well thank you” Brian blushed. Hiding his head in Roger’s shoulder when everyone nodded in agreement.

“Oh stop being so shy!” Roger pushed him off of him playfully, before missing him and pulling him back into a hug.

David took a bite of his sandwich squinting at everyone in the room.

“Is anyone in here actually straight?”

Everyone looked at one another, but said nothing.

“Uh... I-“ Lenny started, slowly raising his hand, but George caught it before he could raise it fully, intertwining their fingers and bringing it back down.

Freddie let out the most obscene snort of laugher, causing the fifth giggling fit of that day to spread around the room like a Mexican wave.

Soft sunlight crept in through the very small window at the top of the wall, warming their bodies.

Their hearts were plenty warm enough.

It’s a thing that grown-ups will tell you a lot, that high school may seem very tough at times, but it will all fall into place eventually.

Even if that ‘eventually’ is three months before everyone goes off to college, it will happen.

Let these boys be evidence of that.


End file.
